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“Mackenzie Carter. You can pitch those silly excuses to me all you want, but I’m not buying it.” She sets her mug down on the counter, looking at me sternly. “We both know you’re always looking for things to be wrong with someone, because finding somethingrightwith them would mean opening yourself up to something that you can’t control.”
“That’s not true,” I mumble, looking down at my lap.
“Like hell it isn’t,” she huffs. “You’ve done it since you were a kid. Honestly, if Parker hadn’t come along, you probably would have been content to just stay in your room when you weren’t at school.”
“Listen, to be fair, you have set me up on somereallybad dates.”
“Have I? Or have you just been looking for reasons to not give anyone a second date?”
“Gran, seriously, there have been some—”
“Mackenzie,” she says, her tone softer now. “I get it. There have been some stinkers. But you’re twenty-nine, and you’ve never been in a relationship that lasted more than a few months at a time. There’s always some flaw or some habit that gets in the way. He snores too much, he watches too much football, he picks his teeth after dinner—”
“Oh, come on, that one is disgusting.”
“I’mjustsaying,” she stresses. “You always find a reason to end things before they can even start.”
I feel an emotion welling in my chest that seems too heavy, tooraw—one that I’ve spent a good portion of my life suppressing. I rub my arm idly as I avert my gaze, knowing that this, too, is something I can’t lie to her about. Not this. She knows me too well.
“It’s not like I mean to,” I say quietly. “It’s not exactly fun being permanently single.”
“I’m not saying that I blame you,” she says, reaching across the counter to cover my hand with hers. “You had to deal with a lot of hard things as a kid. Things that were way too much for someone as young as you were. Your dad...” She shakes her head, looking away from me. “He lost a big part of himself when he lost your mom. He couldn’t handle it. I love my son, but he wasn’t the man he should have been. He should have stepped up for you, no matter how much he was hurting.” She looks at me again, her eyes fixed on mine. “But that doesn’t have to beyourlife. Just because your dad left you hurting doesn’t mean everyone will.” Her eyes start to water, the wrinkles around her mouth deepening as she frowns. “Maybe I should have said all of this to you sooner. Maybe it’s partly my fault.”
“No,” I protest, my voice thick. “Gran. You guys are perfect. You always have been. I just... I guess I’ve just been afraid.” I feel a single tear roll down my cheek, and Gran squeezes my hand. “I wasn’t enough for Dad. I couldn’t make him stick around. How in the hell can I expect to be enough for anyone else?”
“Oh, honey.” Gran releases my hand, toddling around the counter to wrap her thin arms around my body. “You are amazing. You’re beautiful and smart and funny—Well, sometimes.”
A watery laugh escapes me, and I snuggle further into her embrace. “I get my sense of humor from you.”
“Yeah, well, you sure as hell don’t get it from your grandfather.”
We both laugh, and she pulls away to look at me, reaching to cup my face in her hand.
“You are enough,” she tells me, her eyes full of emotion. “And then some. Anyone you choose would find themselves damn lucky.”
I choke out a sound that is a mix of a sob and a broken laugh, reaching to wipe the tears from my eyes that feel both painful and somehow good. Cathartic, even. I’ve spent so long pretending none of this bothers me... it feels like a weight has been lifted off now that I can finally admit it always did.
Gran pats my cheek. “Even if that someone isn’t Noah, there’s someone out there who will be worth letting in. I just hope you let yourself find them.”
“Gran,” I say thickly. “I... think I like Noah. Like, really.”
“Can’t say I blame you.” She whistles as she pulls back. “That man is... Wow.”
“Gran,” I laugh, wiping away the last few errant tears from my eyes.
“I’m just saying,” she chuckles.
I bite back a grin. “He is... definitely something.”
“I’m sure he’s just busy. Don’t get too worked up about it. Just remember that you are amazing. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”
“Okay, now you’re embarrassing me,” I groan.
“It’s my job,” she retorts. “Now finish your coffee before it gets cold.”
I’m still sniffling a little when I turn back toward the counter, Gran going back to the pot to top off her own cup. I only notice my phone all lit up when I reach to bring my mug closer, pausing what I’m doing and leaning over the screen to catch Noah’s name. There’san undeniable surge of excitement that courses through me when I pull my phone closer, wondering when in the last month I got to the point where just seeing hisnamemade me giddy.
I swipe open the text, his reply short but butterfly-inducing nonetheless because—
