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NOAH:Could we meet up after I get off? Maybe at that cafe we went to last time?
I’m grinning like an idiot as I read his invitation, realizing I’m happy just from the possibility of seeing him again. Maybe I’ve gone crazy.
I just hope you let yourself find them.
I smile, thinking that Gran might be on to something as I tap out a response.
ME:Can’t wait.
?The café isn’tas busy as the last time we were here, but there are still a handful of couples and college students hanging around the trendy little tables when I step inside. Outside, the snow’s started to come down, and I dust it off my shoes, starting to pull off my coat as I look around in search of him. He’s sitting at the same booth we had our first pretend date in, and realizing this makes me smile as I wave at him. I don’t waste any time going to join him, sliding into the other side of the booth and laying my coat on the seat beside me as I give him my attention.
Noah definitelylookstired; there are dark circles under his eyesas if he’s had little sleep, and there’s a frown etched on his mouth that feels somehow grumpier than the one he’d been so fond of when we first struck up our deal.
“Wow, someone had a rough day,” I tease. “Were you yelling at nurses again?”
“I told you,” he says wearily, “that was—”
“Grossly overexaggerated,” I laugh. “Yeah. I know. But really, you look tired as hell.”
“I feel it,” he says quietly. “It’s been... a long day.”
“I’m sorry.” I reach across the table to trace a finger across his knuckle, lowering my voice. “I know a few good ways to relieve stress, if you’re interested.”
“Mackenzie...”
I’m just starting to notice that there’s something underneath all of the fatigue; his blue eyes look duller, and his hair looks messy, like he’s been running his fingers through it. He’s chewing on the edge of his lip like he’s worried about something, and it’s amazing to me that I’m not only able to pick up on these things, but apparently my first instinct is to soothe him. Honestly, I’m having a hard time not switching to the other side of the booth and wrapping my arms around him. I’m not even sure if his mood is to blame for that or if it’s just a constant desire that I have now.
“What’s wrong?” I squeeze his hand, my thumb stroking back and forth. “Did something happen?” He looks at our hands, his mouth turning down and his brow furrowing. His eyes dart around like he’s struggling to find the words, and there’s a flare of worry that flashes inside me. “Noah. Tell me. Is it Dennis? Is he bothering you again? Or is it the board? You can tell me. We’ll figure it out.”
When he finally looks up at me, he seems... sad. Regretful, maybe. I can’t say why, but something about the way he looks at me is uneasy. Almost like I’ve seen it before. I’m trying to place where, but it isn’t coming to me.
“Mackenzie,” he tries again. “I need you to know beforehand that this is not an easy decision for me. I never wanted to hurt you.”
My hand slips from his, too surprised to even adequately process what he’s said. Why is he stilllookingat me like that?
“Noah, what are you...”
But I can see it now. His expression. I canreallysee it. It’s the same one that a father wears when they tell a little girl that they can’t stay with her anymore. It’s the same one you never really forget.
“Mackenzie,” Noah says carefully, his voice tight. “I think we should end our arrangement.”
24
Noah
I knew thateverything about this was going to hurt, but seeing the realization on Mackenzie’s face—the dissipation of her smile, the surprise in her eyes that quickly turns to pain, the way her mouth parts like she can’t comprehend what I’m saying—experiencing it all proves enough to actuallygutme. I can almost feel the knife twisting in my belly.
And I can’t let it show.
She pulls her hands from the table to tuck them in her lap, looking away from me as her brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
“I just don’t think it’s going to work,” I say flatly, everything inside me screaming to reach out and touch her, to take away the hurt forming in her eyes.
She laughs, but it’s humorless. “You don’t think it’s going to work.”
“I heard from Albuquerque, and they want me to start right away.”
“Do they,” she says hollowly, and I feel the knife twist deeper.
