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By morning, I am ready to leave the hospital on my own two feet. They’ve given me enough fluids and vitamins to get me back to my full capacity. In fact, I have more energy now than before I found out I’m pregnant.
My phone has been buzzing constantly, but I asked Isaac and the guys to respect my privacy and let me rest. They want to come pick me up from the hospital in about an hour. That is the last thing I need—an awkward ride in the car back to the bed and breakfast while they ask questions I’m not ready to answer. I’m betting Isaac and Noah are already preparing their checkbooks. Cursing under my breath, I put my uniform and shoes back on, leaving the hospital gown on one of the chairs in my room. The nurse hands me my discharge papers and wheels me to the exit.
I texted Bella, and she was kind enough to wait for me in my room with the kids. I’ve had the entire night of barely any sleep to actually think about what I’m going to do next and how I’m going to do it. I don’t have an entire plan drawn out, but I do know that I need to get ahead of this and exit with my head held high.
My eyes are red and puffy from all the crying. I doubt I have any tears left.
“Is someone coming to pick you up?” one of the nurses asks. “You should really take it easy for another day or two.”
“Yes, the father is on his way as we speak,” I lie through my teeth.
I take comfort in knowing my blood work came out alright. Aside from a few vitamin and mineral deficiencies, I’m okay. My heart is strong, my body healthy and ready to bring another life into this world.
The ultrasound showed a healthy, well-developing baby with a strong heartbeat I can still hear when I close my eyes.
When I get back to the inn, I will pack the few belongings we have, load up my children, and leave.
I’m not going back to my mother’s place. There are some opportunities for me in Portland, which is far enough away from Cape Elizabeth and Scarborough to give me some peace of mind, if only for a while. I’ve got enough saved up at this point to put down a deposit on an apartment, and I can work until the pregnancy sidelines me.
I will make it on my own. I have to. After what Elijah did to us, I will never again rely on a man to save me. I will save myself and my children. I will make a good life for them and teach them to be independent.
* * *
The rideto Cape Elizabeth is quiet as I gaze out the taxi window and watch the surly pine trees dash past us. It’ll be cold and rainy soon enough as the capricious spring sets in, but today I’m thankful to catch a glimpse of the late winter sun peeking through the puffy gray clouds. The view sort of matches my feelings. The cat is out of the bag now, and I have no idea what comes next. I only know that I need to protect myself, my children, all three of them, and my wounded heart. This whole mess is simply too heavy for my shoulders, and I can no longer afford to burn so much of my energy on uncertain things—including a relationship with four otherwise magnificent men.
The driver drops me off a couple of yards down the road from the Elizabeth. I pay with my phone since my wallet is still in my purse, all the way up in my room. Which I have to clear today, ideally without anybody seeing me. I want to avoid every single possible uncomfortable conversation. I’ve already found a nice little motel in Portland for us to stay in until I find a new apartment. I’ve got enough money saved to get us through the next few months, at least.
“Thank you,” I tell the driver and hurry through a side entrance into the bed and breakfast.
It’s early morning, so the breakfast room is full. The waiters are too busy to notice me coming in, and the maids haven’t started their shifts yet. I was supposed to have the day off, anyway, given that I worked the Kendricks’ dinner last night—parts of it, until I landed in the back of an ambulance. I don’t see Noah nor Isaac anywhere, and I didn’t spot their cars in the parking lot, either. Something tells me they’re on their way to the hospital to pick me up.
So my time is limited.
Sneaking up the stairs with a heart the size of a terrified flea, I go into my room and breathe a sigh of relief when I find Bella sitting with Lucas and Ava. I put on the brightest, most reassuring smile as she bounces to her feet and comes over to hug me.
“Oh, you’re okay! I was so worried!” she says, holding me tightly.
I reciprocate, fully aware this might be the last time we see each other. I’ve gotten used to this place and my life here. “I’m fine. But I am sorry I gave you such a scare. I’m guessing Noah or Isaac called you last night.”
“Yeah, they said they were picking you up from the hospital this morning.”
I simply smile and hug her again. “Thank you so much for taking care of my babies,” I say, unable to lie to her, so if I can avoid telling the truth for as long as it’s humanly possible, I will do precisely that. “You can go home and rest now. I’ve got Lucas and Ava covered.”
“Sure, Stella, no problem. I’ll come back tomorrow morning,” Bella replies, visibly still worried about me, measuring me from head to toe as if she might be able to detect what’s wrong with me.
“I’m gonna be okay,” I say with a forced laugh, swallowing back tears. “Seriously, go home. Don’t worry about me. It was just stress and exhaustion. I’m okay, I promise.”
“Okay. Call me if you need me to take the kids off your hands, though,” she replies, halfway out the door already. “I’ll come over in a jiffy.”
“I’ll call you if I need you. Bye, Bella. Be good.”
She gives me one last look, then leaves. Once the door is closed behind her, I lock it and give Lucas a toy to play with while Ava rolls over in her crib. We have maybe an hour tops before the guys get back and come right upstairs, so I need us out of here by then. Since this isn’t the first time I’ve had to simply pack up and leave, I’m accustomed to efficiently packing against a running clock. I’m just grateful my car is fixed, yet another wonderful way the guys helped me.
First, I fill the suitcases with clothes and toiletries.Second, I fill two boxes with toys and shoes. Careful not to draw anybody’s attention, I sneak my stuff downstairs, one bag and box at a time until we’re loaded up. I bring Lucas down next, strapping him into his car seat before I get his sister to join him. I do everything with bated breath, my pulse racing and my mind darting through every possible scenario as I give the room one last glance before I leave my key and a note on the dresser for the guys.
It's tearing me apart to do this, but I simply cannot see a better option. Not for myself, and certainly not for my emotional health. The relationship I had with them was supposed to be a lot simpler, yet we still managed to fumble it. I fumbled it the moment I caught feelings. I should’ve remembered my place in this world with each step I took in their direction. Then maybe my soul wouldn’t be broken like this.
“Mama, we go bye-bye?” Lucas asks once I strap his baby sister into her seat. I can’t take the crib or any of the kids’ furniture that Isaac helped me buy, but I’ll definitely find something cheap in Portland once I settle in somewhere.
