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Anya
Iwokewiththesun and took the little joey with me to the porch to feed him. The sound of the Kookaburras in the distance had me smiling.
It was one of the sounds I had missed the most since being in the city. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t hear the front door open and jumped, startling the joey when my mama handed me a cup of coffee.
She smiled and sat down next to me, patting the joey.
“I never wanted you to know about that part of my past. It didn’t change how I felt about you and I forgave Sergei a long time ago.” She said quietly and I stared at her, shocked and confused.
“How? How can you forgive a man who raped you? Who forced your husband into business that has tied others to the same fate?” I said and she sighed.
“Because in many ways, Sergei was as stuck as we are. He may have done bad things, but he was forced as well. They threatened Mikhail and his mother if he didn’t do the things he did.” She added and I shook my head.
“That still doesn’t excuse what he did.” I didn’t understand and she winced.
“I know how it sounds. At first, I was horrified and disgusted at what happened and Austin nearly got himself killed. But the longer Sergei kept coming here, kept entering my bed, I realized he was just as much a victim of circumstance as we were.” She looked at the paddock as if lost in the memory.
“I will never forget the first time. I hated myself, I hated him, and I was full of so much shame. I fought him every step of the way even though he was never rough. Forceful, yes, but he didn’t actually hurt me.” She looked at me, her eyes haunted.
“One night, about a month after the first time, I found him outside, crying. I was so shocked at seeing the man I saw as nothing but a monster broken and crying that I didn’t know what to do.” She took a deep breath and I waited, not wanting to break her train of thought.
“He knew I was there. He looked at me and at that moment, I didn’t see a monster, I saw the man beneath it all. He was tired and broken. He fell to his knees, wrapped his arms around me, and begged me for forgiveness.” She smiled then, and it was dark, something I never saw in my sweet mother.
“I refused. I told him he could rot in hell along with all the other monsters like him. He said that was what he deserved. But he didn’t stop. He confessed that he was trying to protect his wife and son. They held them as ransom if he didn’t do this. He hated himself far more than I ever could.” I watched her as she stroked the joey absently waiting for her to continue.
“He said his mother would be ashamed to know how he had turned out and that he was sorry for ever hurting me. He talked for what seemed like hours about his pain. The sins he had to commit to keep people safe. When he was done, he handed me his gun. He told me to pull the trigger and that it was better for everyone if he was gone. I almost did it. I held that thing in my hand and pressed it to his forehead when Austin stepped out of the shadows and placed his hand on my wrist.” I held my breath as she stood, pacing the porch.
“He told me he would respect my decision and that we could bury the body. But he also said if he was Sergei, he might have made the same monstrous decisions to keep me safe. I gave him his gun back and I asked him to bring his wife to see us. I told him I would stop fighting him, that I would willingly sleep with him if she also knew.” She looked at me, her eyes pleading with me to understand.
“That is why Mikhail came so often,” I whispered and she nodded.
“It wasn’t easy and none of us did things by choice but in the end, you were born. When Mikhail's mother died, Sergei asked to bring him more often so he wouldn’t forget a mother’s touch.” She came over to me, stroking my hair.
“I don’t regret it. Your father and I may have come together in darkness, but you were conceived in light.” She stepped back and I reached up to wipe the tears I hadn’t realized were falling.
“I don’t know what to say to this,” I whispered and she nodded.
“It’s okay. I don’t expect you to say anything. I just needed you to know the entire truth. The way I reacted the other night was in anger and frustration at the years of being judged by you. I understand why, but you deserve to know the entire truth.” She said as the door opened and Beau walked out.
He looked at us and mama raised an eyebrow at him before looking at me.
“I will leave you to talk. I believe there are things that need to be discussed.” She said pointedly before walking back inside.
I waited for him to start but he just stared at me.
“Are we going to talk about what it is you are doing for this Fellowship or are you just going to stare at me?” I said and he smirked.
“Are you going to talk about why you ran away and what is happening with Wyatt?” He replied and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“So, you are going back to being a jerk then. Glad to know.” I muttered and he shrugged.
“When you are ready to talk, I’ll talk. Until then, I have work to do.” He said as he stomped away.
“Asshole,” I muttered as I watched him go.
It isn’t like I couldn’t find out about things from my mother anyway.
But the stubborn part of me wanted to hear it from him and I wondered who would break first.
