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“Liv.” Tally shakes her head. “If Abi wants to rest, we should leave her be. We can check in later.”
“Thank you.” I manage a weak smile.
“You need anything before we go?” Raine asks, and I shake my head. “You know where we are if you need us, okay?”
“Yeah.”
“We’ll see you later.” Liv and Raine move to the door. But Tally lingers.
“I know things are really hard right now but you’re not alone. We’re your friends, Abs. I know we’re all wrapped up in the boys, but it doesn’t change anything, not for me. You’re one of us. You always will be.” She pulls me into a hug, that I gingerly return.
But the second she steps away, the truth seeps between us.
“I’ll text you later.”
“Okay.”
“If you need?—”
“I know, Tally. Go.” I flick my head to the door. “They’re waiting.”
She hesitates. And for a split second, I want her to take it back. I want her to insist on staying with me.
Because although I want some space, I also know the second the door closes and I’m alone, the dark thoughts will rush back in.
And this time, Elliot won’t come to save me.
* * *
Isleep on and off all day, but it isn’t the peaceful, restful sleep I wish it was.
Instead, I toss and turn, clutching a pillow between my knees as I try to fight the urge to run into the bathroom and?—
No.
I’m stronger than this.
Stronger than this poison inside me whispering dark awful things.
Another few days and I can go back to class, that will distract me. It will give me something else to focus on except the gnawing pit growing bigger and bigger inside of me.
By the time dusk falls, I feel emotionally and physically drained. Elliot is right—I probably need to talk to someone.
But I can’t bring myself to do it.
I need to be strong. I need to pull myself together and do what I’ve always done.
Survive.
18
ELLIOT
It’s still dark when I let myself back into the Chapel. A cold layer of sweat covers my skin, making my hoodie stick to my back. The warmth hits me the second I step inside the silent building.
It’s been the same since they got back, thankfully. No one currently upstairs asleep has discovered my new nocturnal habit. And the longer that I can keep that up, the better.
They’re already watching me with curious eyes, waiting for me to crack, or at least react to what happened the day they all got back from holiday.
