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When the lift lights up, I wonder if it’s a sign of luck on my side. I’m still in a trance-like state as the lift takes me up to my floor.
I grab my keys, and open the door, but it’s all a fog, like it’s not real.
“Allie? Are you okay?” Becca asks.
I jump up to find her standing in the kitchen doorway with a glass of milk. “I’m fine. Why are you up?”
She holds her glass of milk up. “Rosie had a nightmare. I’m hoping this will calm her down.”
I nod, understanding. “She okay?”
“Yeah,” she tells me, but pauses, acting like she’s in two minds about something.
“Are you okay?” I ask her.
She seems startled by my question, before her shoulders relax. “I know it’s none of my business and you can tell me to mind it, but is everything okay with you and CJ?”
My stomach cramps at hearing his name. “What makes you ask that?”
“He hasn’t been around much. In fact, I think I’ve only seen him in passing. And you haven’t been yourself lately, either.”
I force a small smile. “I’m fine. We’re fine. He’s just dealing with some family issues at the moment.”
“Is he okay?”
“He will be.”
She smiles at me. “Good. Seeing him so down has been kind of scary. Anyway, I’d better take this to Rosie before she wonders where I’ve been. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Becca.”
Instead of going inside my room, I move into the bathroom, taking out my purchase from earlier. My hands shake violently as I stare down at the blue box.
I can barely read the instructions through the tears filling my eyes. I contemplate whether or not to do it, but I think not knowing will only make me feel worse.
Feeling numb, I pee on the stick, set the time on my phone, wash up, and put everything back in my bag. I hide the pregnancy stick up my sleeve, not wanting to run into Rosie or Becca, holding it. I can’t handle any more people knowing.
I sit down on my bed, turning the test over and staring blankly at it for three whole minutes. It feels longer, but when the alarm on my phone beeps, I know it’s only been three.
I feel like I’m going to be sick again. My palms are sweaty, my breathing is erratic, and I’m scared shitless.
The moment I turn the test over my whole world explodes.
Positive.
A fury of emotions run through me. I’m scared, lost, alone… and I have no idea how I’m going to do this. I have no idea how CJ will react, or if I should wait to tell him.
All I know is a life is growing inside me, and whether I’m ready or not, it’s still my responsibility. If I hadn’t of been so careless, I wouldn’t be sitting here, alone and afraid. I wouldn’t be worried about my future, or if I can even have the one I planned.
I don’t know if CJ will want to keep the baby, or what will happen to us if he doesn’t.
I lay down, resting my head on my pillow, and cry silently into it so I don’t wake the girls up. I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll wake up and this will all be a dream.
Because tomorrow, I don’t know what will happen. I could lose everything in a blink of an eye.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
For two days, I’ve locked myself away from the world and my friends. I’ve not answered my calls or messages, and luckily, no one has knocked on my door. Yet. It won’t be long until Willow barges in, demanding what is wrong.
