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“The only way I could see you continuing is if it doesn’t progress, and, by some miracle, your symptoms are almost completely suppressed. It won’t be easy. It’s going to be your biggest challenge, and we’ll work with you. As a doctor, I can’t advise you to continue, and I can’t tell you to stop. I can only inform you of your options. We have to work side by side and be completely open and honest about everything. It’s not unheard of for a pro athlete to still compete with illnesses like yours, it’s just rare.”
“This is soul crushing,” I said softly. “I feel like I just had my life ripped from me. Was there anything I could’ve done different to prevent this?”
“Honestly, no. It was going to happen regardless. Just be grateful you came in when you did and that you’re not near the end stage of kidney disease. Had you been stage five, you wouldn’t be walking into gymnastics tomorrow. That, I can guarantee.”
My lips parted at the vast reality of how quickly my life changed in the blink of an eye. The only reason I came in to begin with was because Kova had enforced it. Had he not, I would’ve ignored everything, thinking it was natural, and kept my focus on the goal.
I turned away, eyeing the multitude of framed degrees on the wall as I tried not to cry. I knew I should be thankful Kova had been so concerned and worried, but it was hard to think positively when I was strapped to the ground with life-altering news. I may not have been diagnosed with terminal cancer, but in my mind I wasn’t far from it.
“Is there anything that would cause lupus to flare up or kidney disease to progress to the next stage?” I asked, my voice shaky and distant.
“Only if you ignore it and they’re both left untreated, which is why I’m telling you that you need to start treatment as soon as possible. Listen,” he said, and I glanced back at him, “I know you’re thinking the absolute worst right now. But there are millions of people a year diagnosed with the same illnesses as you, and they live a relatively normal and happy life for a long time.”
“This was the last thing I expected. I’m not sure how to take it.”
His eyes softened with sympathy. “That’s how it usually goes. It’s a shock at first.”
Exhaling a deep breath, I said, “So what’s next?”
“Given your situation, we’ll talk with your father and set up a treatment plan. Until then, I’d like to monitor your levels every three weeks. Usually, we could go every three months, but your case is different because of the training your body withstands. We’re going to jump-start your treatment for the lupus and kidney infection and implement a new diet. If at any time you feel like something is off, if you have pain or you’re feeling sick, a headache that won’t go away, whatever it may be, call my office immediately. You may think it’s small, but it could be a red flag to me. Please do not hesitate to call. This is going to be a lifestyle change and one that will take time adapting to. We’re here to help.” He paused and considered his next words carefully. “It might be useful to see a therapist. You’re under a lot of pressure as it is.”
I nodded. It wasn’t a novel idea. I just didn’t have the time.
Dr. Kozol reached forward and handed me a pile of prescriptions and a couple of pamphlets to read over. I glanced down, unable to read his sloppy handwriting or what he prescribed. It looked like I’d have to do some more research on the internet tonight.
“Give the medication about two weeks to really start to take effect. If it goes well, then I’ll see you in three weeks.”
I nodded quietly. “Thank you,” I said. “I guess I should call my dad after he gets off with Dr. DeLang. He will be shocked and worried about me.”
Dr. Kozol cleared his throat. “I’ve already spoken to him, but you should still give him a call.”
My eyes snapped to his. “What do you mean? When did you speak to him?”
“Since he was unable to be here, he had requested I call him after I received the results of your blood work and ultrasound. I went over everything with him.”
My heart plummeted into my stomach. My dad knew about the kidney disease before I did?
He knew, and he hadn’t told me.
He hadn’t primed me. He hadn’t even called to say a simple hi and that everything would be fine, knowing today would irrevocably alter my future forever. He just sent me in blind and left me completely unprepared for the impact it would cause.
The hits just kept coming.
I licked my lips and stood up. “Thank you.”
“I would start the steroids tonight. You can begin the rest tomorrow, and use the pain medication as needed. It’s strong, so I don’t advise taking it while you’re training.”
Dr. Kozol stood and shook my hand. Dr. DeLang was still on the phone. She offered me a hesitant smile.
“Before you leave, let me give you an on-call number, just in case,” he said, and I nodded.
He scribbled a number down, then handed it to me.
“Thanks, again.”
I didn’t know what to feel other than utter devastation. I thought I was walking into an appointment to hear that I had a cold or mono or something.
Instead, I was diagnosed with two diseases working together to hold me down and basically kill me. That was the reality of it. If my body didn’t respond to the medicine, if I didn’t get treatment or a transplant, I was fucked.
