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How could I after seeing her so happy. What kind of person would that make me?
My phone had dinged again almost instantly and I reached for it. Before I read the message, I learned how to turn off the read receipt by a quick internet search, then I clicked on her message.
I need them. Please. Give them to me.
Fuck. There was that thundering ache in my chest again. I had clenched my eyes shut, feeling the agony that was still so raw. Three years had gone by without a word and it all came roaring into me the moment she texted me. I had felt the need in her words like I did all those years ago, like a punch to my gut. How could I stay strong and not give her what she wanted?
They help me.
It was the last message she sent.
For hours I had debated with myself if I should respond or not. I did not want to ruin her life or create chaos, so I ignored them and did not send her my journals.
A week had gone by and new pictures appeared on social media, this time with quotes. I tried not to read into them, but then she texted me late one Saturday night.
The rest was history. If I was going to her, I was not walking away from her again.
I went to a dumb drat party and I drunk and now I hate you. I seriously hate you. Where are the jounrals? Send me MY journals, Konstantin. You know they are mine. They were never yours to begin with.
She never used my first name.
It had been the green light I did not know I was looking for.
I did not send Adrianna my journals in the end.
I did one better.
I showed up.
I stroked her wavy hair and she blindly reached for me. Adrianna purred in her sleep and she snuggled close to me.
I found myself playing with her hair often. It was so soft and it put me at ease. She had been doing all these treatments to help with hair regrowth.
Now Adrianna had those journals bound into one she calledMy Dearest Malyshthat she kept tucked away inside her nightstand.
The book contained so many memories from how we first met to thoughts we shared and a sweet moment or two. There were pages from the both of us, the emotional highs and depressing lows, right up until she left.
Every year we took out the leather-bound book on our anniversary and read some pages together. It was the only time we read them. We liked to remind ourselves where we came from and how hard we had to work to get where we were today. We did not take time for granted.
“I like when you hold me like this,” she said one night while pregnant with the twins.
“Why is that?” I asked quietly.
Her voice was sexy when she was tired. “You’re protecting our babies.”
I lifted the hem of the shirt and pulled it up to rest under her heavy breasts to let her belly breathe. I moved her hair from her neck. She sighed like it felt good.
Early into the twins’ pregnancy, I used to slip a thick, firm pillow between her knees when she was sleeping because she would wake with hip pain. It helped ease the pressure a bit until she grew massive. That was when she began sprawling all over me.
I would be sure to skip over theprostientry. I was excited to keep our tradition of reading the journals; however, I could do without reading theprostientry. That will forever be one of the worst moments we have had to face as a couple. She will forever be sore over that but insisted I add it to the journal to remind me of my stupid mistakes.
Adrianna rocked into me, a soft whimper falling from her lips. Her hand flew to her stomach and she inhaled, holding still. She rubbed a spot near her ribs and I saw her hand jump.
I would never get sick of seeing Adrianna grow pregnant with our child. She started to feel our son kick a few weeks ago. She said the kicks were strong. She was not kidding. The little guy was a night owl and was already doing flips. Now that this was the last baby, I was feeling torn.
A sadness flowed under my skin. I lost her once and I barely survived. The decision to stop having kids was an easy one for me. I simply would not survive a second time if I lost her again.
I brushed her hand away and gently rubbed her stomach until she was breathing normal again. Then the little hellion resumed kicking.
