AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“But you left the bed.”
Well, shit. “Yes. And I swear to you I’ve only ever ended up sleeping in his bed when I was just too tired to move. It felt like it didn’t matter, given everything that happened. But I see your point.”
“According to my sources, that was every night last time. Except the one you spent on our bus.”
I grimaced. “I know it’s probably wrong, maybe some kind of trauma bullshit, but I just feel drawn to him.” I paused, needing to get the rest off my chest. “And I swear to you I’m not doing anything more than a hug, but…” I dragged out the ‘but,’ “I spend every night rubbing one out thinking about him,” I spat out quickly.
She blew out a breath. “Maybe you should keep your distance. I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”
“It’s different from when Eli died, though. Then I just wanted to feel anything but the pain. Now Serge is all I think about. Am I fucked up? Again? Or more than we thought?”
“I don’t know, sweetie. Did you talk to your therapist about this?”
“Yes. I was worried it was too soon, you know? But it’s been a year since the accident. I started grieving long before Eli died. It just hit like a brick once he was finally gone. And I went after any feeling that wasn’t the pain. I don’t feel like that anymore. I miss him, and some days the tears get the best of me, but I don’t feel hopeless. And honestly? When I’m with Serge, even just on the phone, I’m happy. I’m not unhappy, and I don’t mean I’m depressed. It’s a different happy. Excited.”
“Please be careful. I’m happy you’re happy, but you really scared the shit out of us.”
* * *
I tried to keep a respectable distance, but it was impossible. One day, Serge threw me over his shoulder and carried me onto the bus while we both laughed so hard there were tears falling down our faces.
It was so good to laugh. I made it back to my own bunk one night out of five. I really had no desire to sleep alone when I had him to cuddle with.
I felt guilty. I worried I was letting go of Eli, or even worse, making Serge his replacement. And I felt downright horrible that it took me years to want to jump Eli’s bones, and it was all I could do to not make a move on Sergio.
I was falling for him, and it had my head in a tizzy. I didn’t trust my feelings. They had lied to me before and told me everything was shit. Who’s to say this time they weren’t telling me I wanted Serge when maybe I was just lonely or something?
Mish was right. I needed to be more careful.
There was one more month of touring after I went back home. I had previously been scheduled to travel with the band during the last week, but I volunteered for wedding chores with Mish to keep myself off the road.
Sixty
Cee
Mish and Connor were finally getting married a week after the tour was over. I was over the moon for her. The day of the wedding was upon us. In stark contrast to Elle’s wedding, this time I wasn’t worried about the bride making a giant mistake.
“Remember when I told you I couldn’t wait to tell people Connor Pierce’s wife used to be my roommate? And you told me I was crazy? Well, well, well. Would you look at who is about to become Connor Pierce’s wife,” I said, as we looked at her reflection in the mirror.
She was a vision in a fitted white dress. There were red roses embroidered along the train, but the rest was quite simple, yet stunning.
“It’s hard to believe this is my life.” Mish beamed back at me. Her mom came around in front of her to fuss with the neckline, blocking our view.
“Oh, my baby!” she gushed. “I can’t believe it either. Are you sure this is what you want?”
Despite the fact I asked my sister this same question multiple times on her wedding day, It annoyed me that Mish's mom was asking this question. My sister was marrying Mason while she was in love with Silas. Mish was marrying Connor, and while I knew she had doubts about the lifestyle in the beginning, she’s taken to it like a fish in water. I’d never seen her more confident than she was now.
“Mom, we’ve been over this. Connor isn’t Dad. And to prove it to you, he literally put half of his money in an account with only my name when you were worried I’d be without a career. This is what I want.”
“She would have to change her name and disappear for my brother to leave her side. Even then, he’d go to the ends of the earth for her. Again.” Jo put a reassuring hand on Ms. Watson’s arm.
“I’m sorry,” Ms. Watson bristled. “I’m projecting again. I know that. And I’m happy that you’re happy, Michelle.” She kissed Mish’s cheek.
Elle came into the room, clipboard in hand, as if she was the wedding coordinator. She, Beth, and I were wearing matching red strapless gowns, while Jo had on a stunning suit with a shirt that perfectly matched. “I’ve come from the dressing room of the men and let me tell you, that is a sight to behold.” She fanned her face with the clipboard.
“Hot enough for you to marry Silas?” I poked.
“I’d marry that man tomorrow if that’s what he wanted. I think my track record on marriage has him a little gun shy,” Elle responded confidently.
