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“What are you doing?” I whispered in pain.
“You already don’t want me because I’m not a good enough submissive for you,” she said, her voice cracking at the end, leading to another hoarse sob. “You’re going to get rid of me the moment the semester is over. So, take it.”
My eyes filled with tears. “What are you talking about?”
Did I not make her feel good or wanted in every class? I swallowed and pressed my trembling lips together. Did I lead her to believe I would leave her for someone else? Did I stare at another girl in the club too long? Do something I shouldn’t have?
“I’m sorry that I can’t please you the way you need,” she said between sniffles. “You deserve to be with someone who can, Steven. So, please stop acting like you like me. It’s confusing me, and … and I …”
“Sierra,” I whispered on my knees, leaning over the tub and taking her face in my hands. The water sloshed over the edge of the bath, wetting my pants. “What are you talking about? I love you. So much. What makes you think that you don’t please me or that I don’t want you?”
She stared at me through glossy eyes and wiped some tears with her knuckles. “You …” She hiccuped. “You what?”
Did those words really leave my mouth? Did I admit that I loved her?
She was a crying, sobbing mess and had just safeworded in front of me. How could I put something this huge on her right now? Would she even believe me? Was it wrong to tell her how deeply I felt about her?
No, she needed reassurance.
“I …” I paused. “I love you.”
She scanned my face for a moment, and then she finally shook her head. “You’re lying.”
Her accusations fucking butchered me.
“I’m not lying to you,” I whispered, lips quivering from her claims that weren’t true. “I’m terrible at showing my feelings sometimes, Sierra. But I’m not lying to you. I wanted to give you a contract to be my submissive on Christmas morning, but I was too scared.”
“Scared of what?” she asked, brow furrowed. “Of me?”
“Of losing you,” I said, voice barely audible. “I can’t lose you. I can’t. I can’t do it.”
Another pause.
“You were really going to give me a contract?” she whispered. “You’re not lying?”
God, I should’ve just done it on Christmas. I should’ve woken her up and given her the present. It would’ve prevented all of this from happening, would’ve prevented these tears and Sierra’s terrible thoughts.
“Wait here,” I said, hurrying to my home office and grabbing the matte-black box.
Once I returned to the bathroom, I sat down on the wet floor in front of her and handed her the box. “I’m sorry I didn’t give it to you sooner.”
She stared at it for a couple of moments, then uncapped the box and looked down at the agreement. More tears filled her eyes, and she suddenly handed me back the box. “If you don’t want to give it to me, then you don’t have to, Steven. I don’t want to pressure you into it.”
“You’re not pressuring me into doing anything, love,” I whispered, gently stroking her wet hair. “I promise you that I had been planning on giving you the contract tonight over dinner too. I wanted it to be special since I’d completely fucked it up on Christmas.”
Again, her eyes filled with tears. “I ruined it.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” I whispered, not wanting her to feel even worse.
She wasn’t in a good place right now, and putting something like this on her would make it even more terrible.
“How about we finish your bath and we can review the contract together over dinner? We can stay in and …” I offered her a smile. “Maybe you can teach me how to cook one of your family’s recipes. Does that sound good?”
After looking back and forth between me and the contract, she eventually stared into my eyes and nodded softly. “Okay,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “That sounds good. As long as I’m not pressuring you into something that you don’t want—”
“You’re not,” I reassured her, peeling off my shirt. “You got room in there?”
She wiped away the last of her tears with the backs of her hands and smiled softly at me. “I’m sure I can make some room.”
