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My breath came in quick spurts, and I felt a strong kinship to the shocking scene. The Darkness looked the same as when I was here last, but it felt very different. Before, I had been a stranger in a strange land. It had felt both unreal and surreal to the point that I’d been certain The Darkness was a drug-induced hallucination. This time, though, I could feel the Darkness coursing in my blood. This time it felt like home.
We stood side by side in the place that was my birthright. Cher gasped in awe. Sushi reacted the same. Ophelia and Abaddon sighed with contentment. I pictured Lilith in my mind to calm my frayed nerves.
Closing my eyes, I went over each and every one of our meetings—from the first time I heard her melodious voice on the phone, and when I saw her looking so young and beautiful in the empty casino parking lot. I shuddered, thinking about the moment when I’d thought I lost her. Holding her dead body in my arms had been soul-crushing. I shook off the cold shiver of dread and pictured my most current memory of her—alive and happy, kissing me goodbye before she and Man-mom left for the safe house. The vision of her smiling face filled with love calmed my soul.
I could do this.
My mom believed in me. I simply needed to believe in myself.
“What the actual fuck?” Ophelia shrieked. “What’s happening?”
Abaddon’s animal-like growl made my blood run cold.
I opened my eyes and quickly scanned the area for danger. Raising my hands, I produced my purple fire swords and stepped in front of Cher and Sushi. Abaddon was a killing machine and could handle just about anything. Ophelia had a good chance of defending herself since she was a Demon. Cher and Sushi, however, were not Demons.
“What did you see?” I demanded, still looking for danger. I saw nothing.
“Lilith,” she said, completely confused. “I saw Lilith.”
“WHERE?” I shouted. Had Pandora kidnapped my mother and brought her to the Darkness? Could a human survive in the Darkness?
“There.” Ophelia pointed to an empty space right in front of me. “She’s gone now.”
The tingling started in my toes and quickly spread through my body. No one was going to harm my mother. No one. Especially not Pandora. My body began to spark and a searing hot fire danced along my skin. A rage boiled up inside of me I didn’t know I possessed. If the Shitty Whore had my mother, she was going to die by my hand. She’d already killed her. Wasn’t that enough? I no longer gave a damn about the rules. She was going down for good this time.
My fury was so intense that flames began to shoot up around me. My vision turned blurry, and I thought I saw Ophelia grab Sushi and Cher and toss them to safety. I didn’t look back. Looking back made you lose time. I didn’t have time to lose.
“Show yourself, Pandora. You’re batshit if you think you’ll succeed a second time. I am the Bitch Goddess Cecily. You killed my mother. Prepare to die,” I shouted. My unhinged laugh when I realized I’d basically quoted Inigo Montoya fromThe Princess Bridewas strangely fitting. The fire I’d caused blazed across the already fiery landscape. The intensity sparked a hunger for more as I stoked the flames until they were an all-consuming wildfire. The power of the Darkness was mine to call. I was in my element, and I would burn Pandora alive.
“NO CECILY,” Abaddon bellowed. “It’s not real.”
His voice sounded far away, but I could hear the urgency. Abaddon was my touchstone. He loved me. He wouldn’t lie to me. Everything came crashing down on me all at once—my emotions, my fear, my anger. I was losing my mind. So many things that were not in my control were controlling me—Lilith’s death, Man-mom’s kidnapping, Abaddon being tortured in Vegas, beheading the flaming assholes who had done their best to end me… becoming the Bitch Goddess Cecily.
It was too fucking much. There was only so much a forty-year-old former human could take before she broke into pieces.
“Help me,” I cried out as I dropped to my knees.
“Look at me,” Abaddon roared. “Now.” Strong hands pulled me to my feet and shook me hard, forcing me back into reality.
“Help me,” I begged him as flames encircled my body the same way it covered the land around us.
“Control your magic,” he ground out. His eyes were wild, and his face flushed. “I can no longer undo what you do, Cecily. You’re the Goddess of the Darkness.”
My heart felt like it had lodged in my throat. I shook my head and tried to clear the outrage and confusion.
“You can do this,” Abaddon commanded. “You can control your power. You have to.”
The quotes from earlier came roaring to the forefront of my mind. ‘Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.’ Henry Ford. I was my obstacle. The goal was to claim my place as the Bitch Goddess Cecily. If I blew the Darkness into smithereens, that wasn’t going to happen.
The second quote was just as powerful. ‘Our very survival depends on our ability to stay awake, to adjust to new ideas, to remain vigilant and face the challenge of change.’ Martin Luther King Jr. I was awake, but that was about it as far as succeeding at what Martin Luther King Jr. had suggested we strive for.
Sucking in a huge breath, I made a valiant attempt to tamp back my anger. Lilith had told me anger could be productive unless you let it consume you. I was close to letting it destroy me. Unacceptable. I focused my breathing and slowed my heart rate. The flames began to subside, but I couldn’t shake the sense that danger was still close by. “Pandora. Where is she?”
“Not here,” Abaddon promised.
“Lilith?” I demanded.
“Not here,” he said. “She’s at the safe house.” He cupped my face in his hands and raised my gaze to his. “It’s okay. It was an illusion. You’re okay. I believe you projected your thoughts.”
