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“What’s the most important thing you’re looking for in another person?”
“Understanding,” Ruth offered with a small shrug. “I feel like saying someone willing to be a fake boyfriend might look a little weird.”
Understanding sounded like a safe, reasonable attribute, but for good measure she also listed good humor, familyoriented, and animal friendly. “What are four things your friends say you are? Seriously?”
“Ask Louise.”
If she kept asking Louise, Louise was going to show up on her doorstep demanding to know what the hell was going on and Josie wasn’t sure she was ready for that conversation. What choice did she have though? She’d never thought about what her friends might say about her. She pulled her text conversation with Louise and reluctantly asked‘what are four things you would say about me?’Almost immediately she got a response.
‘Someone downloaded Love Buzz.’
‘Passionate about the arts, fascinated with learning, enjoys a new challenge, and you’re hella dependable. You also know where all the good food trucks are. You’d be surprised by how important that is to some of these guys.’
“Well? What did she say?”
“I’m passionate about the arts, fascinated with learning, enjoy a new challenge, dependable, and I know where all the good food trucks are.”
“Are food trucks important?”
Josie shrugged. Louise was the one who used the app to get free dinners and the occasional hook-up, so if she said food was important, then it was important. “What are five things you can’t live without? I seriously hate these questions.”
“I’ll ask Lori.”
“Omigod, mom, no! I don’t want anyone else knowing I’m on this stupid app.” She realized the plea was too little, too late because her mother had already asked Lori to recommend a dating app. Asking about an app was one thing. It could be chalked up to curiosity. Asking for answers to a question on the app was something else entirely.
“Don’t worry. She thinks it’s for Aunt Beckett.” Josie was impressed. It was the perfect lie. Worst case scenario, Lori askedAunt Beckett how her hunt for love was going. If that happened Aunt Beckett would probably tell her to buzz off and then call Ruth to complain about her weirdo, pervert friend. “Okay, she says the more specific you are the better.”
“That doesn’t really answer the question,” Josie muttered as she fired off another text to Louise.‘Kill me now. It would be less painful than answering all these questions.’
“Well hold on, she’s still texting.” Ruth’s phone buzzed and chuckled. “She says to put that you can’t live without the thrill of yelling bingo, the nostril burning aroma of Bengay, the way-” A blush crept up Ruth’s cheeks. “I think you get the idea.”
“The way... what mom? Come on, you started this, finish it,” Josie laughed. She had to hand it to Lori. The thrill of yelling bingo. The nostril burning aroma of Bengay. They were both very much two things Aunt Beckett loved. She was dying to know what other hilarious things Lori felt like Aunt Beckett couldn’t live without. One of them was naughty, she was sure of it. There was no other explanation for why her mother turned the color of a ripe, cherry tomato.
“I really don’t think that would be appropriate,” Ruth muttered, setting her phone underneath her left leg. “What I do think is she gave us some valid suggestions.”
“I’m not saying that I love the thrill of yelling bingo.”
“You could put that you can’t live without the heartwarming sense of accomplishment you feel when you help an animal in need, the way your mind, body, and soul connects to certain songs when you dance, the peace that sort of wraps around you when it rains... ”
A lump of emotion caught in Josie’s throat. For most of her life she had felt like her mother knew and cared about Kyle more, yet here Ruth was helping her find an actual fake boyfriend and providing answers that perfectly described who Josie was at her core. “Thank you, mom.”
“For what?”
“For this.” Josie kept her eyes trained on her phone, afraid that if she looked up she would start crying. This wasn’t how she pictured bonding with her mother as an adult, but she wouldn’t change it either. “They want me to come up with a bio.”
“Happily single cat mom who needs a fake boyfriend to get my brother off my ass.”
“No.”
“Honesty is the best policy.”
Now her mother wanted to be honest. “Nobody is going to respond to a bio like that.”
“They will if you pair it with one of those bikini pics you took when you and Louise went to Cancun.”
“I’m not posting a bikini pic. It’ll just attract a bunch of perverts.”
Ruth chewed her lower lip. “You’re probably right. We have to include the cats though.” A groan escaped Josie’s lips before she could stop it. Her cats were what got her into this predicament to begin with. If her own brother, her literal womb-mate, saw her furry babies as a sign she had no life, she could only imagine what strangers on a dating app would think. “You want someone who is going to appreciate your little clowder.” Her profile was going to be a real winner. Single cat mom of five looking for a fake boyfriend. The boys were going to be hitting her DMs in droves... not. Maybe accepting a blind date with Jonas’ kind of relative wasn’t such a bad idea.
