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“No, no, I cannot do this. He lied about being married so he could lie about everything else.” I try to say with dead conviction, but my heart aches for Kate to be right. I ache for him to choose me, to love me. To be only mine as I am his.
Is it wrong?
Yes, it is, and I am a horrible person for wanting someone else’s husband, but I do. I want him so bad.
He hurt me more than anyone, stabbed me right in my heart, and still, I want him.
God, how long will this last? For how long will this pain torment me?
I am not as strong as Kate; I won’t be able to fight my demons for two years as she did. How can I possibly walk the same streets as he does, work at the same company, be his freaking assistant, and not want him as mine?
I retreat to my room, curl up on the bed, basking in the darkness and make decisions that I hate.
I had to quit my job, forget Fashion Linc, and the worst one, I had to leave New York.
Maybe I can talk Kate and Julius to come with me? No, their home is here, and our other friends are here. I’ll just come to visit. Sometime. Later. Way, way later.
I cried for half the night because my perfect little life suddenly turned into a living hell, and I was losing everything.
The next day Julius questions me extensively about why I’m home, and my face is swollen, but I can’t bring myself to tell him anything. Not yet, or else he will go on a killing spree, and he still needs to propose to my best friend.
He told me about his plans and asked for my help to which I gladly agreed, and so I just watched Julius put his ring on Kate’s little finger and twirl her around in the middle of Times Square.
They are so happy, and I’m happy for them. My heart is overjoyed that despite their wicked story, they got their happy ending.
Maybe one day, I will finally find mine as well. I am still so young; my whole life is ahead of me.
Except, I don’t want it without him, and I can’t have him. So, what am I supposed to do now…
Also, it doesn’t help that he hasn’t tried to contact me at all in the past three days.
Not a single text or phone call. Landon didn’t try to show up at my place or reach out through our friends.
Nothing…
I guess he made his choice. I was a silly mistake, just like I always am.
At least now I can move on.
One day. Maybe. Or not.
Pathetic… I am pathetic…
And it gets even better. If you thought I couldn’t get any more stupid, let me prove you wrong because as soon as I get a call from Enzo, I am on my way to Fashion Linc.
31
LANDON
Song: Hurts – Redemption
It’s been three days. Three miserable, painful days. Three days without the love of my life. Three days without the only thing worth living for and three days since the call that took all that away.
I rushed to the hospital as soon as Lexi told me about Jenn being admitted.
My wife lives in the guest room of my penthouse and has a nurse that tends to her needs. She has many, many needs since Jennifer doesn’t talk or walk or eat, or uses the bathroom on her own. So, as soon as the seizure started, the nurse called it in, and mybelovedwas rushed over.
I haven’t actually seen her. I didn’t go into her room since she was brought in, and I have zero desire to do so. I’ve spoken to her doctor, nurses, and other staff members, but there is nothing to say to the living corpse of once the woman I loved—or thought I did.
