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I really did drink too much, haven’t I?
I don’t dare to move my head and see if the auditory hallucinations come with visual because if they do, I will fall down to her imaginary feet and wail like a baby.
“Landon?” I suck in a quick, deep breath.
“Fuck, that sounds so real! Say it again.” I demand my hallucination.
“Landon, what the hell?” I feel a punch on my shoulder, and I am too wasted to keep myself steady on my feet and fall down, missing the chair and plastering myself on the ground.
“Ouch, since when do hallucinations cause physical harm?” I ask my own mind, but instead of an answer, I get another round of ice-cold water dumped on my already wet body.
But I guess that does the trick since it makes me look up and see my personal little blond angel standing above me, looking ten shades of pissed. That can’t be right! In my dreams, Lexi is happy and still loves me and is not wearing that terrifying scowl on her beautiful face.
“If you are real, pinch me,” I say since I can’t trust my own brain anymore.
Lexi rolls her eyes, pinches my hand, and folds her arms in front of her chest. I jump to my feet too fast for my drunk body and stumble, nearly knocking Lexi off her feet.
“Jesus Christ,” she says as she catches me.
“Oh my God, you are real!” I say and try to place my hands anywhere I can on her body, touching her to make sure she ishere because I am still half convinced this is a hallucination. Damn, a good one but a hallucination, nevertheless.
Lexi flinches from my touch and steps away. I watch as she closes her eyes, takes a few deep breaths, and murmurs to herself.
It almost seems like she’s talking herself into something, but my wasted brain can’t seem to catch on.
Suddenly, the alcoholic haze lifts off me, and I realize what I am actually seeing.
She is here, in my office. Lexi came back to me, and for a second, I was euphoric and hopeful, but that was short-lived when I took a good look at the woman standing a few feet away from me.
Her eyes are still closed, and her hands seem to be holding her own body. Pain radiates from her like alcohol does from me, and my eyebrows pinch together.
She is hurting. My kitten is hurting, and it’s all my fault. My fucking fault. I try to take a step toward her, reaching for her with my hand, but Lexi only steps further away.
This reminds me of our first kiss, except everything is so different right now. The atmosphere reeks of pain and betrayal versus desire and longing.
“Lexi…” I try to say, but she puts her hands up, stopping me.
“Don’t.”
“Let me explain!” I plead, but it’s fruitless.
“You had four days to do that; now I’m not interested.” Fuck, I should’ve called. I should’ve tried. Why do I keep messing this up?
I don’t deserve this woman; she is right to hate me and stay away, but why is she here now?
This may be my chance. I need to try.
“Lexi, please, look at me, Kitten.” She flinches at her pet name, tightening the hold she has on herself.
“Don’t. Don’t call me that. I only came here because your employees are worried. I don’t know why you are drinking yourself to death…” she trails off and then finally turns her head to look at me. “Unless…” she swallows hard. “Did your wife—” I cut her off before she finished.
“Die? No, she did not. At least not yet.” My tone turned harsh the second Jenn was mentioned because that’s what that woman does to me. Five years later, she kept ruining my life.
Lexi breathes hard again. “I see…”
“You see what?” Again, with my stupid tone I can’t control. “You see a fuck up? A liar? A shameless man-whore? What do you see, Lexi? Because that’s who I see!”
“You shouldn’t be here, go to the hospital or wherever your wife is and spend time with her,” she says, completely ignoring my previous comments and flaring up my anger hotter with those stupid words. And maybe it’s stress or all the drinking I’ve done lately, but my anger transforms into a burst of wicked laughter that I can’t stop, and Lexi looks at me like I really did lose it.
