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“March.”
He chuckled but it quickly faded. “Aren’t you required to give her more notice than that?”
“Under normal circumstances, yes, but because of what I’m trying to do and who I’m trying to bring… the later she knows, the better.”
“And that’s not going to bite you in the ass, is it?”
“Not at all. As long as she doesn’t find out before March first, I’m good.”
“Good. Do you have a team you intend to bring over with you?”
I ran over the list, and our conversation continued for another forty minutes or so. As I walked him to the door, he reminded me, “You’ll be interim managing partner the moment you step foot in those doors, but you know you won’t be officially named as my replacement until you’re married.”
I wanted to tell him that I didn’t want to rush into marriage now that things were real between me and Maritza, but I couldn’t. Even if I wanted to wait, I couldn’t. For the sake of business, things had to stay on schedule. Our relationship may have been genuine, but we’d still need to get married as soon as possible.
“I know,” was what I settled on as I opened the door for him.
After he left, I started preparing for the day with more on my mind than when I woke up. Things were moving fast in all ways. And in all ways, I was being led to a future with Maritza. Maybe a quick marriage was the only way to convince her to let me keep her forever. She agreed to us talking before she went to the doctor, but I didn’t really believe that. Maritza may have meant it when she said it, but she’d start overthinking when she got alone. All I could pray was that she didn’t shut down on me or run.
Twenty-Two
Maritza
As I had my meeting with a client Amaru recommended, Jeremy had flowers and breakfast delivered with a sweet note. My first instinct was to go and personally thank him. Instead, I found myself on autopilot, heading to the cemetery. Sitting between my son's and husband’s graves, I allowed guilt to consume me.
Their lives were over, and I was truly happy in all areas of mine. Happy to the point where I meant it when I agreed to talk to Jeremy about us having a baby. The chances of us having a baby now were slim because I wasn’t ovulating, but I really couldn’t say how things would play out in the future. Deciding not to get on birth control and risk pregnancy with a man that I’d agreed to remain married to for a year in exchange for a better career was fuckinginsane.
I had the perfect life, the perfect husband, the perfect son… all taken away. It felt weird trying to have marriage and a baby in this way. Then again, what were the chances of either happening organically? Honestly, getting to know Jeremy personally was starting to feel like fate. I’d always been curious about him and found him attractive but had no plans of ever trying to make things personal between us. Now, it’s hard to remember a time before him and I—and that’s what makes this so scary.
It's like the last ten years led to this moment, and I was stuck between my past and the future I could potentially have with Jeremy.
I know Matt would want me to move on, but between my love for him, guilt, and loyalty, that’s a hell of a lot easier said than done. It’s easier when I’m with Jeremy, but when I get alone and have time to think about what I’m doing, I feel like shit.
My phone vibrating caused me to dry my eyes. At the sight of Jeremy’s number, I cried harder. I wanted to ignore him but that wouldn’t be fair.
“Hello?” I sniffled.
“Where are you?”
“At their graves.”
“Maritza…” He sighed. “Lovie, I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I shouldn’t have even suggested you cancel that appointment. I wanted fate to guide us but it’s too soon to put that kind of pressure on you.”
“No, I…” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I wanted to let fate decide too. It’s just… the reality of that… it hit me and… I feel guilty about how happy I am with you. Moving on with you. They’re dead and I’m here and I should suffer until I die.”
I cried so hard I didn’t realize he’d hung up the phone, and that only made me cry harder… until I felt his arms wrap around me.
“Jeremy?” I asked in disbelief as he got comfortable next to me. “How’d you know where I was?”
“Sakura.” I nodded, wiping my face. I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting here, shedding tears, but my eyes felt puffy and my throat hurt. “I think you should talk to a counselor. You have survivor’s guilt. It’s less about us and more about you feeling guilty about being alive and they aren’t.” I couldn’t deny that, so I remained silent. “You said it yourself, God had more work for you to do. If He wants me to love you while you’re here, that’s what I’m going to do. You can go to the doctor and don’t worry about that or how it’ll make me feel.” His hand cupped my chin, and he turned my head in his direction. “We can take this as slow as you need us to, but I need you to understand, I’m never giving up on you.”
Twisting my mouth to the side, I nibbled my bottom lip as I nodded. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
His smile spread slowly as he placed a kiss to my forehead. “I meant it when I told you I was yours. I will always be here for you. You just have to let me be.”
