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He bent down to her level and tried to drop his voice. “Ayla, this meeting is to go over where you live. I can’t continue to raise you, and Katie thinks you’d be better with her. But we have to get the judge to agree.”
She scowled. “I thought it was fine when you were both here.”
He couldn’t lie to her. Ayla deserved the truth, and after the meeting, he would have to tell her. When everything was said and done, he needed to be the one to tell her.
He reached out, taking one of her hands. “Staying here is not an option, Ayla.”
Her face dropped from anger into confusion. She ripped her hand free, shaking her head vigorously.
“Why won’t I live here? I don’t understand. I live here. My clothes are here. My toys are here. My … my life is here. I don't have anywhere else to go.”
He felt like the world's biggest ass. But he knew Katie deserved a girl like Ayla. He was confident she was the better parent who could put endless hours into loving and caring for her.
“Ayla, my job requires a lot of my time and can be dangerous. If something happened to me, what would become of you? They think you should have a safer caregiver.”
She scowled again. “That doesn’t make sense. No one expected my parents to die, but they did. So that doesn’t work.”
He looked down at his shoes for a moment and, after a breath, pulled his eyes back up to her.
“Your dad and mom weren’t in the military,” he said flatly. “It’s different. Ayla, you need to get dressed. You're going to make us late.”
She crossed her arms again. “I’m not little anymore. If you don’t want me in your house, then say it.”
He scowled at her. “Ayla, that’s not true. It's not that I don't want you here.”
“It is,” she said, and he watched as tears bloomed in her eyes. Her lower lip started to wiggle as she tried to fight tears. “You don’t love me, so you want to give me up.”
“Ayla, that’s not true! I love you. You’re my niece. I don’t have any other nieces.”
“Then why are you letting me go?” she cried, tears rolling down her face. He moved to pull her into a hug, but she moved back, shoving free from him.
The nanny turned. “Ayla.” She hurried after her.
It was like someone stabbed him in the chest and left him to bleed out. He sat on his bed and rubbed his forehead.
He loved Ayla with every fiber of his being. She was all he had left of his brother. When he looked at her, he saw him. She had his laugh and the way he used to curl his lip up when he smiled. It was clear she also got her father’s hot-headedness.
If he could have it all, he would, but he couldn’t. The regulations made it clear he had to pick one or the other.
Sometimes, he thought for sure that keeping Ayla would be worth it. He would pay any price, even his career, for the little girl he had grown to adore. But was that even fair anymore? Katie wanted and deserved to raise her. He had learned everything he knew about children from her.
There was a soft knock on his door, and the nanny stood waiting. “I got her dressed. She’s waiting.”
He nodded. “Thank you.”
He pulled himself up and headed toward the living room. Ayla stood in her blue dress, her hair pulled back in a decent ponytail. She refused to look at him. She opened the door, slamming it as she left, and headed outside to the transport.
He took a deep breath in and headed out after her. He started the vehicle and looked at Ayla in the rearview mirror. She stared out the window, her eyes empty of emotion.
He thought about the last time she and Katie were in the car with him. They were all singing a song, and everything seemed to be perfect. He wished he could go back.
“Ayla, I love you,” he said, making her eyes snap to him. “I will always love you, and right now, you may not think it, but I do.”
She stared at him for a moment before she frowned. “Then why are you letting me go?”
He suddenly didn’t know. He thought it was because it was what he wanted, but it wasn’t. He suddenly didn’t care about being the top guy. He didn’t care about what people thought. He thought about what Kent said and how the old man felt he’d missed out on things.
He didn't want to grow old and look back on his life and realize he'd made a huge mistake. He didn't want to end up alone and without anyone around him.
