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I stumble through the streets of New York, searching for something. Someone. Where did Arnie go? He couldn’t have gone far; we were in bed only a few seconds ago.
Wake up!
The shop windows turn red as I pass them. The color of blood.
God damn it.
I’m falling. Falling through the blood-stained windows.
The glass bites into my skin like a thousand tiny knives.
“Roisin?”
I’m in a room I don’t recognize. Wait. Yes, I do. The cold stone floor is familiar; it’s not as warm as Arnie’s chest, though. Maybe I should go back to sleep, that way I’ll be more comfortable.I try to snuggle back into his chest, but now I can’t find it.
“Roisin!”
I think someone’s talking to me. My name is Roisin, right? There are not many Roisins here. If I went back to Ireland, maybe I’d find more of them. Ha! Look at me, saying I should go back to Ireland when I’ve never actually been.
“Roisin, you’re not in Ireland. You’re in New York. Can you look at me?”
The voice is reading my thoughts now. I don’t want to talk to them anymore.
“Please, don’t fall back asleep.”
But sleep is nice; sleep is safe. I can stay there until morning, and things will feel so much better for a while.
I turn around to tell this rude person exactly that. But moving feels slow, and there’s an ache in my shoulder. Maybe from the way I’m moving or maybe from the cold floor. I roll over fully, and the thrill of it makes me giggle. I love rolling. It’s just like dancing but on the floor.
“It’s you!” I realize happily as I take in the face peering over me. “Your shoes are really comfortable.”
The blonde lady gets closer or maybe further away. “You remember me, don’t you?”
“Black is really your color,” I say as proof of my keen memory.
“I gave you my flats in the club, didn’t I?” She says as if I don’t remember at all. But I do remember. “You were upset, weren’t you?”
Behind her, the wall begins to move. No, the red on the wall begins to move, like the windows in my dream. It splatters on the floor so loud I almost have to cover my ears. But I don’t because I’m high, and being high makes you hear things louder.
Oh my god, I’m high right now. When did that happen? I’ve been clean for so long. Aimee is going to be so mad at me. I swore I’d never do this to her again. I can feel the panic bubbling in my chest like a pot about to boil over.
I need a distraction; I need to think about something else. The dripping sound, that’s it. I’ll listen to the pitter-patter of the bloody walls as it hits the floor.Drip, drip, drip.
It’s kinda weird that I can hear that all the way from over here. I guess I must be high because being high makes you hear things louder.
Oh my God. I’ve thought this before, haven’t I?
“Roisin! Stay with me. Answer my question.”
“You gave me your shoes!” I exclaim because the blonde woman from the club is here. It’s so nice to see her again. She was so generous to me.
“Close enough,” Blondie mutters and begins to move. It wasn’t close, though; I was exactly right. I have met her before.
Fuck, I remember remembering her before. I keep going in circles.
“Up you get.”
Blondie disappears, but then suddenly, I’m on my feet. Her hand is on my waist, and it feels like she’s going to squeeze me like a marshmallow.
