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She shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. I just needed to gather myself. It is okay to talk about what happened.” She gives me a pointed look.
“The hospital called me to tell me that they had taken Jana in by ambulance. On her way home from the coffee shop, the three boys who used to pick on her saw her and pulled her into an alley. They started picking on her and when she tried to get away by hitting one on the head with her book, they all got pissed and beat the shit out of her. Someone inside the shop next door heard her screams and called 911. The boys had taken off before they got there.”
“Oh my god,” I whisper. I place my hand on top of hers, which is resting on her thigh. She gives me a tiny, watery smile.
“She had to have surgery and her injuries were severe, but she lived. Jackson and I were there when she woke up the first time. She woke up freaking out and no one could get her to calm down, so they had to restrain her and give her a sedative. When she woke up a day later, she didn’t freak out as much and talked to us a little bit. Jackson wanted to go hunt them down, but I told him he needed to stay with his sister. He did for a while, but then he got restless and took off. I had to leave to go home and take care of a few things. Jana had just fallen asleep after being awake for a few hours. She seemed better, but I could see how dull and lifeless her eyes were and I knew it would be an uphill battle to get her back to where she was mentally.”
She squeezes my hand and takes a shuddering breath. “She had woken up while I was gone and convinced the nurse that had not worked with her before that she was doing better and wanted to be able to move her arms more because they were still restrained. The nurse saw that everything looked good in her chart, so he let her hands out. Not having looked over everything seeing that she was on a suicide watch, so if she was let out, someone had to stay in the room with her.”
My stomach bottoms out. “The nurse didn’t stay.”
Her mouth twinges with a sad smile. “No. He didn’t. When I got there, there was yelling and machines beeping wildly, with people running in and out of her room. I ran into her room to see them trying to stop her wrists from bleeding so much and preparing to rush her to surgery. But I knew. I stood there and watched as they tried to keep pressure, but she made sure there was no chance.
“The slices were deep. She cut as deep as she could. I stepped up to her head and kissed her forehead right as they pulled her out of the room. The doctor said he would update me soon, but I saw the look in his eyes. I knew. They didn’t have to tell me. A piece of my heart had left the room with her and didn’t come back.”
She wipes a stray tear away, and I sniffle, trying to hold in a sob.
Agnes sighs, “I don’t remember much, but I do remember Jackson’s face. He was standing in the doorway, and he looked so devastated and broken. His eyes, that were always so bright, loving, and always shined with happiness, even when things weren’t great, were dull and cold. I had never seen eyes so cold before. My baby boy lost one of the most important people in his life that day and that will never leave him. He will forever be changed and have a mark on his soul.”
“I’m so sorry. I can’t—” I shake my head and close my eyes. “I can. I can imagine. Waking up in that hospital bed, I knew something was missing. Something was wrong. It was like I was missing a limb, but I wasn’t.”
“No, you were just missing a piece of your heart.”
I nod, biting my lip to hold back a sob. Agnes is helping me feel seen. Someone who understands. I may have all these people around me who are here for me and want to support me but she understands. She sees me on a deeper level.
“I wish I could say that it gets easier. It doesn’t. But it does become more manageable. You learn to grow around it. Evolve as your life changes. Jackson became colder. But also softer in a sense that he has never missed an opportunity to tell me he loves me or to do something for someone he loves.” A small smile graces her lips for the briefest second as she thinks about Jackson. “But I know he is also ruthless. He will go to the ends of the earth for someone he loves. I learned that life doesn’t always go as you planned.” She shrugs. “So I decided to live for my baby girl. We had talked about things she would want to do one day if she was able to manage her depression, so I have spent the last year doing those things.”
“That’s amazing. That is why you were in Montana?”
Jackson’s mom nods. “Sort of. I met lots of different women over the last year. I joined a few support groups for other mothers who have lost their kids and connected with some people, and we decided to do a girls trip. One of my very old friends lives in Montana, so she invited us to come there. We took off and, well, I guess what was supposed to be a two-week trip turned into a few months.” She chuckles. “It has been a journey of healing through laughter. As much as I have missed this place and missed Jackson and all my other boys, I would go back and redo it in a heartbeat.”
I can’t help but admire how strong she is. “What are you going to do now? Are you going back?”
She shakes her head and brushes a few tears off her cheeks. “No. I’m needed here now. I always remembered you from the plane. You stayed with me for a long time. You were glowing, and it was like a new light had been cast. I know things didn’t go the way you wanted. I don’t have all the details and you are under no obligation to tell me, but your glow? It didn’t go away. Your life changed, and you had to adapt, but you didn’t lose it.”
“How do you know?”
She grins at me. It is the same mischievous grin Jackson has given me. “I’m old and a mother; I know it all.” She winks and stands up, waving for me to join her. “Alright, I think we’ve had enough sad talk for now. I am always here for you. Any time, day or night. But right now, let’s finish my stew and eat. Hopefully, those boys wrap up church soon.”
I stand with her and follow her back inside. “Do they know you are here?”
“Nope.” She pops the “p”.
I chuckle and help her finish cooking and getting things ready for everyone to eat when a few minutes later, they come out. A loud bang sounds like a door hitting the wall. Agnes and I glance at each other and then walk out of the kitchen to see what it was. Raven comes through the door with a huge scowl on her face and a prospect right behind her, also scowling.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask, furrowing my brows in concern.
She glances up at me and then next to me. “Oh, hi Agnes.”
“Hello, darlin’. Nice to see you again.” Jackson’s mom beams.
Raven looks back at the prospect again with a scowl. “You can fuck off now. I don’t need a babysitter in here.”
He opens his mouth, his fists clenching at his sides, but thinks better of whatever he was going to say and turns around and storms off. Raven walks up to us, muttering under her breath.
I laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this annoyed with someone. What happened?”
“I had to go to the diner to take care of a few things because Rage wants it closed until after everything else is sorted out. So I had to take someone with me and with all the members in church that left a prospect. He was a pain in the ass. He wouldn’t help me with anything and whined more than once about me going too slow. He stepped outside to smoke, and I might have shut the door and locked it,” she says, finally smiling again.
