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He shakes his head. “I know you have little to no faith in me right now, but believe me, there is nothing left to lie about.”
I want to say,except for the baby. You haven’t said a word about that, but I don’t. I need him to admit it to me. To prove he can be honest about at least one thing.
“I guess I just have one question. If you love me like you say you do, then why?”
“I let all the stress and pressure from work get to me. It wasn’t about love. It was about blowing off steam.”
“So you were using her for sex to help you relax?” I say, my voice flat. “You destroyed our marriage just because you needed to relax?”
He hangs his head, refusing to meet my eyes. “When you say it like that, it sounds disgusting. But yes, that was all it was.”
He said he was crazy about me.
“And there were no feelings involved? Apart from lust, that is?”
“No, Bailey. I don’t love her. I never did.”
You don’t spend thousands of dollars on someone if there are no feelings involved.
“Here’s what I think. Bullshit. If that’s all it was—you needing sex to relax—you could have come home at any time. I have never denied you. Never. Remember that Behavioural Science elective I took? The Lecturer drilled into us that behavior is a language. Quinn, for months, your language told me you didn’t want to be with me. You wanted to be with her. So, try again.”
“Bailey, what does it matter why I did it? It was a mistake, and it’s done. Whatever I say will only hurt you more, and I don’t want to do that. Can’t we just put it behind us and start over?” He reaches across the table and takes my hands in his. “I know I fucked everything up, and I know I have no right, but I’ve got nothing left to lose by asking. I’ll beg if you want me to, but please, please say you’ll forgive me. I’ll quit my job. We can move, buy that house we dreamt of, and start a family just like we always planned. We can have a better life away somewhere new.”
“So you’re asking me to sell Chantler and Cook? To just give up my store?”
“If it gives us a fresh start, yes,” he says, his lips pressed into a firm line.
Anger bubbles through my veins like lava, and I rip my hands from his. I’m so done, and the feel of his skin against mine has a million spiders crawling up and down my arms.
“You’re something else, you know that? You don’t know the meaning of the word honest. You’re not sorry about the affair. You’re sorry you got caught. I would have lived my life none the wiser, naively brushing it off as a rough patch most marriages go through. Just the thought of living a lie like that makes me sick.”
“That’s not true! How many times do I have to say sorry before you’ll believe me.”
I reach into my pocket and put the bracelet on the table. Anguish flares in his eyes as he stares at it.
“Yes, Quinn. I know. Justine came to see me today. Our conversation was very enlightening. I guess congratulations are in order, Daddy,” I hiss, gripping the edge of the table. “Nothing you ever say will make me believe you. You just keep lying and lying and lying. When were you going to tell me about the baby? After we’ve moved? Once we’ve had a child or two? Surely you didn’t think you could hide it forever?”
He opens his mouth, but I cut him off. I’ve given him enough time and chances to talk, and with every word he utters my disgust for him grows.
“You’re willing to quit the job you were fired from?” I sneer. “ How dare you demand all these sacrifices while still lying to me? How dare you demand I give up my happiness for you? My shop makes me happy. My friends make me happy. I’m supposed to give that up for a man who’s proved he can’t be trusted?”
I pause, taking a deep breath, trying to bring my anger under control. I’m scared if I don’t, I’ll do him physical harm.
“How do you ever expect me to feel safe with you again? You’ve proven yourself to be a liar. Every time you touch me, I’ll be wondering if you’re thinking of Justine or someone else. Every time you work late, I’ll be wondering where you are or what you’re doing. If you send a text after hours, I’ll be wondering who you’re talking to. That blind faith I had in you is shattered. Destroyed, and once it’s gone, you can’t get back. Not truly. There will always be this doubt in the back of my mind. And you did that. Not me. You. If you truly love me like you say you do, how can you expect me to live like that?”
“So that’s it, huh? You’re not willing to fight for us? What about everything we’ve been through? The summers on the farm. Always coordinating our outfits for Halloween. Ice cream at Cheerio. Figuring out who we were and what we wanted from life together? Remember how we said we wanted to grow old together and watch our grandkids play? We’re so much more than this last year, Bailey, and you know it.”
“Stop throwing our past at me! It only makes things worse. If you could be unfaithful to me despite all that, there’s nothing that will stop you from doing it again.”
“Bailey, I won’t. I lost my way for a while, but I promise, on my life, I won’t do it again. Every day, I’ll be the husband you deserve.”
“Quinn, you cheated on me. You got another woman pregnant. Even if I could get past all the lies and the betrayal, I could never accept the fact that you’re having a baby with someone else. That child will be in your life forever, a constant reminder of what you did, of the fact that you gave some other woman something that you were only supposed to give to me. I’ll resent that child. And it will keep building and building until I end up hating him or her. Even if I know that the child is innocent, I won’t be able to help myself. And who hates a child? Maybe if I was a better person, I’d be able to get over it, but I know myself. I won’t. And I refuse to become that kind of a person. You fucked up, and you expect me to pay for it? Where’s your sacrifice, Quinn?”
I’m breathless by the time I’m done, my chest heaving with the force of my emotions. I can’t believe how selfish and delusional he is. Has he always been this way?
“I’m so sorry,” he pleads. “How can I save us? Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”
“Nothing Quinn. What you’ve done is a rejection of everything we were and ever could be. I’m so over you and your bullshit. I suggest you get a lawyer.”
