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My phone buzzes atop my nightstand again and I flinch.
“Doesn’t seem likeheknows that,” she comments, glancing toward it. Then her gaze flickers back to meet mine again, her full lips drawing into a frown. “Well, if it’s over anyways, won’t you just tell me who he is?”
I shake my head again, chest aching as I look away from her and toward my phone as it finally stops vibrating.
I didn’t expect it to hurt this much. It’s a truly sobering experience to go from feeling like you’re on top of the world to feeling like your world is suddenly crumbling down around you. Even so, I know deep down that this is the right thing to do. There’s no way me and Javi can be together- not now; not after what I’ve learned.
As soon as I tell the council about Javi’s pack’s connection to the shadow pack, it’ll end the discussion about them joining ouralliance. Too many people here suffered at their hands. Madd and Avery’s grandparents were killed by Alpha Xavier and his shadow pack. Andie’s mom and aunt were held captive by them, as was Sloane’s mom, for a brief time. Alpha Chase’s father was killed by them in the war, along with many others from all six packs. And while everything with the shadow pack happened before my time, it left wounds that nobody here has forgotten.
I already know what the outcome will be when this all comes to light, so I may as well prepare myself for it now. I’ve weighed the options; examined things from every angle. Made a classic pros and cons list. For a brief moment, I even considered the possibility of choosing him over everything I’ve ever known, but I’m not that selfish. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good, and I guess this is mine.
That doesn’t mean I don’t wish things were different. During our last night together, I let myself imagine what it could’ve been like if we were different people from different places and met under different circumstances. I gave myself those last moments so I could carry the memory with me of what it felt like to be treasured and adored, even while knowing it couldn’t last. Thatwecan’t last.
All this time, I’ve been pretending, but I’m awake now.
Painfullyawake.
“Lo…” Andie breathes, reaching out to wipe a tear from my cheek with the back of her index finger.
I hadn’t even realized it slipped free.
“I’m fine,” I rasp, clearing my throat and scooching forward on the bed to set my feet on the floor.
“You don’t seem fine,” Andie counters.
I wipe another tear away before it falls, rising to stand and schooling my expression before turning back around to face her. “I’m fine,” I repeat firmly.
I’m not sure if it’s for her benefit or my own.
If I tell myself I’m fine enough times, will it start to become true? Because what I have to do next is going to be the hardest part.
I can’t keep sitting on this information I’ve uncovered. I’m the daughter and sister of an alpha; I’m the head of IT for the security squad. I know what my duties and obligations are to my pack and the alliance as a whole, and I need to tell them about Javi’s mother sooner rather than later.
Even if it means betraying him.
Even if it means losing him forever.
An ache takes root deep inside me, gnawing and festering until it feels like it’s going to completely consume me.
I suppose this is why they call it heartbreak. I feelbroken.
“Will you just talk to me?” Andie pleads, shuffling off my bed and rising to stand. “C’mon, Lo, it’skillingme to see you hurting like this!” Her voice breaks and she lunges in my direction, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me in tight for a hug. “I love you; you don’t have to go through this alone,” she murmurs into my hair, squeezing my body tightly in her grasp. “You can tell me anything, Lolo.”
“I know. I love you too,” I whisper, winding my arms around Andie to hug her back as I fight the onslaught of more tears.
And that’s the moment I realize that I can’t let it end like this.
I care about Javi too much. And sure, it seems foolish to fall for someone so hard, so fast, but I can’t deny how I feel. I trulylovehim, and if this is affecting him half as much as it is me, then I can’t let him go through this alone.
The least I can do is give him an explanation. If he’s as in the dark about his mother’s origins as I was, he deserves a heads-up as to what’s coming so he can take his pack and leave. He deserves to know why this has to end; that it has nothing to do with how I feel and everything to do with timing and circumstance.
Andie finally lets me go and pulls back to look at me, her brows drawn together in concern and her big brown eyes pleading.
“I’ll tell you everything,” I promise, grabbing for her hand, “But there’s something I have to do first.”
“Can I help?” she asks, perking up.
I shake my head. “No, it’s something I have to do on my own. Just… I’ll call you, okay? And you can come over tonight and I’ll tell you the whole story.”
