AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I continue my story. “And I have no idea how long I stood there in total shock, but my mom came in the room to turn off the light—not knowing I was there. I’ll never forget her face when she saw me, with evidence of her darkest moment in my hands. She darted to me, we shared hushed, heated words, and she begged me not to tell my brother, or anyone. She told me they’d managed to keep the secret all these years and urged me not to upend my brother’s reality. She begged me. Can you imagine what it would look like to see Monica Dane beg?”
My mom was Starlight Canyon’s co-matriarch along with Joy Hunter. These women ran political campaigns,donation drives, volunteered whenever it was needed. They were strong women. My mom was anything but weak. I hated seeing her that day, crumbling, practically hanging off the end of my dress shirt, pleading, praying I would keep it all hidden.
“I was in a hurry to get out the door to prom, to see you, and my mom was desperate with tears of fear and dread… and what else was I to do but promise her? I didn’t want to hurt my brother or my mom, even though what she did was wrong. I didn’t want to dredge up the past for my dad… so I kept the secret. I only ever told Logan.”
“Logan knows?”
I nod. “I told him when I got back to Golden Sierra after prom. It wasn’t like I just told him yesterday. I need you to know that.”
A mix of emotions, none of them good, swirl between us.
The pain radiating off her shoulders is palpable. “But you told Chloe, too.”
“I didn’t tell her. I don’t know how she knows.”
Jolie’s anger is back. “You really know how to pick a walking, talking red flag, don’t you? Thinking with your dick on that one. That woman is vicious.”
I try to take Jolie’s hand and bring her into me. I need that closeness now. She needs it, too, but she snatches it away.
“And then you pick me, the low-lying fruit who will blindly follow you anywhere… blindly, like some puppy dog who will never question you, right?”
“Low-lying fruit?”What is she even saying?“You’re not a low-lying fruit, Jolie. You’re my everything. Now and always.”
But she’s not listening. The thoughts in her head are louder than the ones coming from my mouth.
“You told Logan and you didn’t tell me? Don’t you trust me? You don’t think I can keep a secret? I actually care about you and your family. I’ve known Fletch as long as I’ve known you. And you couldn’t trust me?”
“I told Logan right after it happened, Joey. I wasn’t about to ruin your prom night and offload. Then I never even saw you again until about a month ago.” I plead with her to look at the logic here, but that shame is back in her eyes.
The one thing Jolie doesn’t like about herself is that people think she’s too direct. I don’t. I appreciate a woman who can express herself. But me not telling her makes her feel untrusted, and I’m not sure I could have done anything worse to her.
“I was going to tell you, tonight.”
“No you weren’t.” Her eyes are glassy.
“I was! I swear to you. I know I can trust you, it’s just… I wanted to figure a way out of this mess before we talked. But?—”
“You didn’t figure one out?” Her voice is hard.
“No. We’ll have to do that together?—”
“Together? You know why you couldn’t find an answer alone? You didn’t figure it out, Ashton, because there is no solution. There is no way out. There is no happy ending here.”
“What are you saying? There is… I’ll do anything to be with you.”
I gather her into my chest, and she makes a move to create distance again. I hold her tightly this time.
“Stop, Joey. Stop fighting me. I’m sorry you’re in this. I can’t apologize enough times to let you know how much Iregret Chloe coming into your world and knowing all this about Fletch. But we’re in this together and”—I let out a stale breath, one I didn’t realize I’ve been holding in for over a decade—“we’re going to make it no matter what happens around us.”
I hold her against my chest, and the weight of her head finally relaxes and falls into me. She’s silent, and yet I imagine millions of words, a hurricane in her head, it’s tangible beneath my palm. I’ve always had high self-esteem. Always considered myself to be a person who mostly did the right thing. But in this moment, I hate myself and feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life at the one time it mattered most.
I should have told Joey. Leaving here last night without being transparent was a tragic error. “I should have told you yesterday. Or this morning. I really had the best intentions. You have to believe me. I want to share everything with you. My whole damn world. All my secrets. Not that I have any more… I trust you, Joey. I do.” I smooth the top of her head and kiss her sweet, soft hair. “And I need for you to trust me, too.”
A warm, wet stain forms on my t-shirt, balmy on my chest. She’s crying. Please, no… I made her cry. I stroke her hair and hold her more secure. “I’ll do whatever needs to be done. I told you and I mean it. I’ll always put you first.”
“You lied.” She snuffles into my chest.
Her words ache right down to my bones. “I fucked up. But I thought I was putting you first. Don’t you think I wanted to talk last night? Of course I did. This has been eating me alive for thirteen years and has been like some sort of acidic torture since I got with you. I wanted to unload last night. I did. But I knew how important it was for you to be clear-headed in the clinic, to feel positive for yourfirst days back. I made the wrong call, but don’t say I didn’t put you first. It would have been easier to unpack it for me and unload on you then run off to my game.”
