Page 116 of If We Say Goodbye


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Jordy bolts.

My head spins as I watch him run away. Guilt rips me up inside.

Caleb tries to stagger back, but I won’t let him.“I need to go find Jordy,” he mumbles.

“You can’t even walk.”

“I’m fine—” He doubles over again, covering his mouth like he’s about to be sick.

I rub his back as gags.

Mom comes running out of the house. “What is going on?”

“He’s bleeding!” I shriek.

Mom takes in the situation all at once and runs to my side. She looks at the back of Caleb’s head, then slips her jacket off. “Hold this against his head,” she says, reverting to her calming nature as if we weren’t screaming at each other five minutes ago. “He’s going to be okay, but he needs to go to the hospital. I think he has a concussion.”

I’m losing touch with reality. I’m here, but nothing feels real. It can’t be. This is some twisted dream. A nightmare I need to wake up from.

I’ve never felt more.

Mom is on the phone while trying to calm Dad down. Jordy is gone. Caleb’s blood is soaking the jacket in my hands.

The cool air blowing on the face is the only reminder that this is real. This nightmare is my life.

Mom kneels next to us again. “They want him to go to the hospital. Mrs. Park will meet us there.”

“What about Jordy and Dad?”

“You’ll need to stay with them.”

“I won’t leave Caleb,” I say.

“Then you’ll have to drive him. Can you do that?”

My gut cinches but I refuse to leave Caleb’s side.

I nod.

“Okay.” Mom doesn’t completely believe me, but she doesn’t argue. Instead, she helps Caleb stand, and we walk him to the passenger side of Dad’s car.

Mom takes Dad’s keys away from him. Even though he’s drunk, he knows something bad is happening. His hands are in his hair and he’s pacing back and forth on our lawn.

I run around to the driver’s door and get in. My hands shake, holding the steering wheel.

Dad’s words echo in my head.“Ethan is dead because of you.”

He’s right.

One meaningless fight is the reason my brother was ripped away from me. From Mom. From Dad.

It’s the reason Dad drinks.

It’s the reason my parents’ marriage is unraveling.

It’s the reason Caleb got hurt.

My shoulders rock as my chest heaves, pain stabbing into my core.

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