Page 118 of If We Say Goodbye


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Caleb nods, disappearing behind the emergency doors with his mom and the nurse that’s waiting.

* * *

The waiting room is cold,with sterile, ugly walls. There are patches where they’ve tried to cover up marks on the walls with fresh paint, but the color is slightly different and stands out no matter how many chairs they put in front of the patchy walls.

There are lots of people here. Some are waiting to be seen and others, like me, are waiting to hear about a patient that’s already been admitted.

I watch as the doors open and close with a steady influx of people trickling in with their various problems. Some are doubled over, gripping their sides. Some come in limping. Some have horrible coughs.

They all follow the same procedure of waiting in line until the nurse assesses them and takes their vitals before asking them to sit until they’re called.

My eyes are glued to the doors when Mom comes running through them. Trailing behind her is Jordy. Mom has a tight grip on his arm and he looks panicked. His face is puffy and red, and when Mom sits down across from me, Jordy does the same.

There’s a heaviness in our silence. We’re all aware of each other, but we don’t say anything. My heart fills with rage every time I think about talking to Mom. It’s accompanied by guilt when I notice the way Jordy refuses to look at me. He’s completely turned his body away from me, resting his head on the back of the seat.

“Your mom is coming to get you,” Mom says to Jordy. “Caleb has a concussion, but the doctors said he’s going to be fine.”

I let out a sigh of relief.

Despite seeing him walk into the emergency room, there’s a part of me that worries everyone who goes in, never comes out. The hospital is a black hole. A dark void where nothing but bad memories await.

The doors separating the emergency room from us open, and Mrs. Park walks out with a sullen expression.

Jordy’s feet hit the ground and he runs to his Mom, hugging her around the waist. His eyes are slammed shut, but it doesn’t stop silent tears from cascading down his face.

Mrs. Park holds him tight. “He’s in room 103. I want you to go sit with him, and I’ll be there soon,” she says softly while brushing his hair back.

“I don’t want to go alone,” he says.

She wipes the tears from his cheeks. “You can do hard things.”

He nods.

That phrase stands out to me. It’s the same one Caleb said to me.

“I promise, I’ll be right behind you.”

He sulks toward the door with his head hanging down.

Mrs. Park crosses her arms, staring me down. “Becca, I need to talk with you outside.”

My body goes cold with shivers running down my spine. “Me?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Is there anyone else named Becca here?”

“Anne, I know you’re upset, but that tone isn’t called for,” Mom says, standing.

Mrs. Park rocks her jaw, looking off to the side. “Not called for? My son is in the hospital because of your daughter. The only time he ever gets into trouble is when he’s around her.”

Mom straightens. “Rebecca is a wonderful kid. Caleb getting hurt had nothing to do with her.”

A half laugh spills out of Mrs. Park. “It had everything to do with her. If Caleb wasn’t around her, none of this would have happened.”

“That’s not fair,” Mom says.

“Arguing won’t change anything. I need to talk to her privately,” she says.

Mom steps in front of me and the chair I’m sitting in, blocking Mrs. Park. “Anything you want to say to her, you can say to me.”

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