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“That’s the secret about bad guys—they never think they’re the bad guy.”
I stared at her, feeling terribly uncomfortable now. Was that true? I thought about my mother—of the men who had abused me with her permission—hell, with her blessing. Had none of them thought they were the bad guy?
For that matter, what about my own behavior when I’d first met my brother and his family? Had I been the villain in my brother’s life? Maybe Severin, Ro, and Minnow were too kind to tell me so. It was like a knife to the heart, because I suddenly knew it to be true.
I turned to Tarryn. “If you don’t want me here, please say so directly. I’m not good at reading cues sometimes.”
She gave me a lopsided, endearing smile. “It’s fine. You’re here now, so we’ll see how this works.”
I tried to feel my way back into Martine’s training—I’d been raised to be charming even when I was in pain. Even when my head was a cacophony of bleak thoughts and I’d passively wished for death. That had been a type of acting, so the principle had to be somewhatthe same. I needed to forget who I was, and pretend I was someone else. I didn’t know who I was most days, anyway.
Okay, I could do this.
I considered Tarryn, tapping into my feelings for her. The affection needed to be set aside, because this character didn’t know hers. More useful was my lust for her, unsated, building force, barely contained by the boundaries of politeness.
They quickly explained where to stand and where to face. There seemed to be special words and terms for everything. Everyone spoke English, but none of it made any sense to me. It was like they were speaking in code.
I walked in when they gestured for me to do so, letting my eyes linger on Tarryn where she sat at a table alone sipping a drink. I wished we were alone and I could touch her, then frowned, annoyed there were so many people around stopping me from doing what I wanted. I went to the bar, knowing Tarryn was behind me, gazing pensively into the distance.
“Oh my god that was fantastic.” Liza grinned. “Could you feel that?” She looked around at everyone on set. “The perfect blend of scary and hot. I really think it’s going to work.”
“But he didn’t have any lines yet.” Tarryn rubbed at her forehead and pulled her hand away as though she had done something silly. A woman with makeup in her hands rushed forward and repaired what she’d done. The makeup they’d layered onto my face felt like a mask, although I’d been fascinated by the process. It was interesting to see Tarryn’s work life from the inside.
Someone shoved papers into my hands.
“The two of you run these lines for a few minutes so we can see if you have any chemistry. It might be easier because you already know each other.”
“It might make things harder, too,” Tarryn pointed out.
They ignored her and moved off for a discussion.
“I’m very sorry,” I said. “I don’t even know how this happened.”
She laughed, but there was nothing bitter about it. “I should have known this would happen. It’s not like you blend into the background. People always notice you and like you. Just think about my doorman. He’s supposed to protect the tenants and the property, and yet if you were trying to break into my apartment, he’d probably lend you a crowbar and hold your beer.”
“He knows I’m harmless.”
“You? Harmless?”
Of course, I wasn’t, but I also wasn’t ready for her to know that yet. I could tell by the gleam in her eyes that she was teasing.
“I let you visit the set for five minutes, and they’re ready to make you the main character of my show.”
“That’s not true. They’re using me for this one little part. It’s fun, but I don’t know what I’m doing, and they all know that.”
Together, we ran the lines. I memorized mine, not finding it difficult to remember them, but also finding the man a little too easy to relate to. He wanted Red from the first moment he saw her and didn’t plan to let any obstacles get in his way. If anything, slipping into his head was almost too easy.
“Is our Mal ready?”
I shrugged and set aside the papers.
“Don’t you think we should run through it before bothering everyone else with this?” Tarryn asked Liza.
“We’re behind schedule. Let’s try this and see if we can cut a few corners.”
“Aren’t we supposed to be in the stable for this scene?” Tarryn gestured vaguely toward one of the external doors where I had seen the stable yard set.
“We thought this scene might feel more intimidating if Mal corners Red in the back hallway.”
