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"Ok," I relented. "But that doesn't fix what you did."
"No, it doesn't," he agreed. "I'm just hoping it means you'll give me a chance to be a friend again one day."
A friend. Not a boyfriend. Not a lover. Now, I wasn't sure if he'd picked his words because of the people around us, but they made me relax a bit. Friends was a lot easier to deal with today than all the rest. Friends was something we could work up to again. Friends might even be safe. At least I hoped it would.
So I nodded. "I'll think about it."
Then I turned back for my stuff, but Ty stopped me again. "Just answer me one thing, Cody?"
Pausing, I turned halfway so I could see him. "What's that?"
"Do you hate me?"
"No," I assured him. "I'm disappointed. This? I'm here to ride bulls, Ty. I'm here to make a career out of this. It's not some fucking game to me, ok? It's not something I'm doing to get laid or to impress men. I'm here to earn points, win buckles, and take home checks. That means I need sponsors, I need fans, and I don't need anyone making this harder, because the judges are already fucking me over."
"I know," he said. "I do know, Cody, and I'm sorry, ok? Honestly sorry. I just need you to know that."
I nodded again. "Yeah. I'm getting that impression, but sorry doesn't change the past."
Then I walked away, refusing to let him stop me again. Eyes followed me, and I knew quite a few people had heard us. Still, I'd picked my words carefully. I hadn't said anything they couldn't hear. I had a feeling everyone knew something had changed between me and Ty, so let them assume it had to do with my career.
That was safer than anything else. That was safer than the rumors that would follow what I did with some guy. The shittiest part of this was that none of it should matter, but it did. I was here to ride bulls. I should win or lose based on nothing else.
It didn't work that way.
The judges were scoring me low. They were fucking me over, and it didn't have a damned thing to do with my skill. It was because I was a woman in a man's sport. The sponsors had mostly run away for the same reason. They didn't want to put their name on the outcast. They wanted the winner, never the loser. Then there was the whole problem of double standards.
Because these boys could fuck anything and everything they wanted. That was fine. That was expected. That was what made them "real men." If I tried to do the same, I'd be labeled a slut and probably lose the few sponsors I did have. If I dared to think I could play this game the same way as these men, I'd get dropped so hard it would make my head spin.
So fuck it. Fuck all of it. Fuck whoever had greased my favorite rope, and fuck Ty for being a big, beautiful idiot who had to speak up when I already had too much on my plate. Fuck him for being sweet this weekend and reminding me of the man I'd met in Tulsa. Fuck Without Ado for hurting J.D. Just,fuck all of it!
"Cody?" Hearing my name again made me groan as I turned to face the speaker.
Jake stepped back, lifting his hands as if he could see the frustration on my face. "Easy there, woman. I just wanted you to know I saw Austin at your bag. I didn't know it was your bag, but he was kneeling in front of it."
Eli wore red and yellow. The first time my rope had been greased, Eli had been the one stalling me in the alley. He was never far from Austin, it seemed, but Austin couldn't have greased my rope that first time. He'd been over near J.D. But Derek? Casey? They could've, and those four had been out to get me since I'd shown up.
"Where is he?" I asked.
Jake tipped his head at the locker room. "In there."
"That dumb-ass piece of shit," I grumbled as I stormed that way.
"Cody!" Jake yelped behind me. "There's cameras in..." He trailed off, sounding like he was chasing after me.
I didn't give a damn. Right now, I was pissed, and I needed something to take it out on. Austin seemed like a damned good target.
"Austin!" I bellowed as I entered the room.
A guy at the side pointed, turning me to the left. There, Austin stood up to face me, looking all smug and full of himself.
"Have a problem, Cody?"
"Tell me, was that vegetable oil, or did you at least spend the money on some of the good stuff for my rope?"
He laughed. "Cheapest shit on the shelf. Figured you weren't gonna eat it."
"So you admit you greased my rope?"
