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No one else had found a way to listen to me and make me feel as seen and understood as he had… until tonight. Until talking to Jade, I realized that she had taken the time to listen not just to the words I spoke, but to look at my body language, my tone, all of it. And in that, she had found a message I hadn’t even been aware I was trying to convey.
Once the sobs had passed, and I had managed to calm myself down enough, I decided that it was time to give Jade a small insight into what I did every day. I knew that she was curious. She’d asked about it before. It seemed that she wanted to know where I disappeared to that kept me away from the home for days at a time if I wasn’t at the fire station. I didn’t even know why I’d kept it so secret. I guess that, after Henry, treatinganyone like a friend felt dangerous. All I could think was ‘what if I lose them too?’
As I slowly walked back to the truck, I decided that it was time for half the truth to come out. As much as I wanted to share everything with her – about my family’s wealth, that I was working as a fire fighter because I wanted to help people and stop disasters from getting worse – I knew that it was not yet time to share all of that. If she reacted well to the fact that I still went to a place from my childhood, then I would think about what her reaction to everything else would be.
But I couldn’t reveal my wealth to just anyone. I wanted my friends to like me forme;my personality, my speech, my morals. I hadn’t showcased any of those very well in the past few weeks with Jade, but I wanted to do better.
I suddenly realized that I cared very much that Jade came to like me for who I was.
As I drove home, my stomach started to knot up. After the way Jade had yelled at me, I wasn’t sure that she’d be open to this conversation. Tonight, anyway. I supposed there was only one way to find out what she thought of it all, and that required having a conversation.
I glanced at the clock on my radio.
It was just past ten in the evening. She probably wasn’t asleep yet. And if she was, then I’d have to wait until tomorrow morning to have the conversation with her.
I could wait that long if needed.
The drive home was not as difficult as the drive out to the cemetery or to the grocery store as the rain was beginning to let up. Also perhaps because I had let out the tears that made it difficult to see. Or because I was no longer entirely emotional over everything. Whatever the case was, I was glad for it.
When I arrived, I pulled my keys out of my pocket. My hands no longer shook. At least I had made some progress, I supposed.
I walked in and quietly shut and locked the door behind me.
The living room light was still on, though, which confused me just a little bit. I walked into the living room. There, I found Jade’s beading table neatly put away against the arm of the couch. It appeared that all of her beads were contained within. A few of the pieces she had made were on top, perhaps to let the glue she used dry without worrying about it sticking to other beads if it got hit.
I was about to turn off the lights when I noticed that Jade was fast asleep on the couch. A small smile tugged at my lips. Our conversation could certainly wait until tomorrow now. There was no way I was waking her up after the evening we’d had. Instead, I grabbed one of the blankets I kept under the coffee table and draped it over her sleeping form.
Her head was turned to the side, so I quietly closed all the curtains. Thankfully, they were on automatic tracks. All I had to do was press a button to close them all. Once the curtains were closed, I turned off the lights in the living room.
I knew this house like the back of my hand. With a hand trailing on the wall, just to make sure that I didn’t miss my door, I walked down the hallway to go into the master bedroom. Once I found the knob, I entered my room and turned on the lamps with a flick of the switch. It didn’t take long for me to change out of my clothes and into a pair of sweatpants and an old T-shirt to sleep in.
As I lay down on the bed, I wasn’t entirely sure what I was going to do in the morning, but I had a feeling that Jade would be awake before me. I hadn’t blocked her into the driveway, as I had parked on the curb. However, there was nothing more I could do right now.
As I fell asleep, I quietly thanked Jade for the push she had given me to go see my friend’s grave.
The next morning, I showered after I woke up. My face felt hot and flushed, but I supposed it was only because of the tears I had cried the night before. After a shower, I felt much better. I did get a glass of water from the tap in the bathroom, just to be safe.
Then, I got dressed. Just a simple pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing fancy. I wasn’t going anywhere today. I had an unusually empty morning, and I realized I hadn’t had one of those in a long time. I had no plans to rush off to the ranch, and I wasn’t working at the station until later.
When I went out to see if Jade was awake, I found her still fast asleep on the couch. She must have been exhausted when she finally fell asleep. I wondered if she was not used to doing all the physical activity she had done yesterday, but it was not my place to ask. Not yet.
Instead, I simply walked quietly through the living room and into the kitchen. She’d probably wake up to the smell of food. I didn’t want to wake her up yet, but my stomach was growling. So, instead of immediately pulling out a pan, I made sure that I had the ingredients for some breakfast burritos.
Tortillas, eggs, hashbrowns, sausage, cheese, and some vegetables. I liked mushrooms, bell peppers, and a good crunchy hashbrown in my breakfast tortillas, but I suddenly realized that I had no idea what she liked. I made a mental note to ask her—and to pay more attention. She’d noticed what I’d eaten for nearly every meal since she’d moved in, and I hadn’t particularly noticed anything she’d made.
The smell of eggs would probably wake her up. If she wanted eggs cooked in another manner, I could make that happen.
I pulled out a pan to start frying up things and preheated the oven for the hashbrowns. Then, I buttered up the pan for my eggs. Just a little bit of butter for taste with a bit of salt and pepper. I’d add the hot sauce after I had assembled my burrito just in case Jade didn’t want any.
Chapter twenty
Twenty: Jade
The next morning, I woke up to the smell of breakfast. I slowly rubbed my eyes, sitting up. Something slid off my shoulder, and I then realized that there was a blanket around me. When had I gotten the blanket? I didn’t remember waking up in the middle of the night to get one.
I shook my head, rose, and walked into the kitchen. There were tortillas sitting on the counter, and the smells of eggs, hashbrowns, mushrooms, and other vegetables meant that Jesse was probably making some kind of breakfast burrito. It smelled good. I wondered, briefly, if he would be willing to share with me.
“Go ahead and take a seat,” Jesse said. “Hungry?”
