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We’ve been moving cattle all week, rotating them to a different pasture. Of course, problems came along with it—more downed fencing, rotted poles, and then one of the guys who we just hired had an accident. None of us could predict that on his first day, Dale would slice the length of his forearm wide open. The fabric of his shirt did nothing to protect him when he let go of the barbwire too soon. After the nurse we have on the ranch took one look at his wound, she loaded himup in her car to head to the hospital. Dale ended up with thirty stitches and is out for the next week or so. This means we’ll be pulling double duty to get shit together, given we’re down a man. Happy fucking birthday to me.
“Thank you.” I plaster a smile on my face, one I’m sure is fake as fuck. This is as good as it’s gonna get. Honestly, if it weren’t for my dad laying it on thick about Mom making my favorite meal and dessert, I wouldn’t be here at all. So thick, he let me know exactly what she was making: jalapeño poppers with a few other appetizers, prime rib, twice-baked potatoes, and whatever vegetable she had on hand. As long as the vegetable Mom makes is smothered in garlic and butter, I’ll eat it. Then he followed up the schmoozing with another, adding brownies and vanilla ice cream to the mix. Mom knows I’m not a fan of cake or cupcakes. They’re too damn sweet, and the icing makes it ten times worse.
“My baby, happy birthday, sweetheart,” Mom whispers into my ear. She’s the first one to come up and give me the greeting without the whole group. My eyes take in the room. Our family is here, and so are a few other families from the surrounding ranches. Eleanor, Birdie’s mom, nods her head my way, and I return the sentiment. Every year, I tell them I don’t want or need anything big. A small dinner, which is hard considering between my parents and brothers, there’re eight of us, which is more than enough.Tonight is a bit different. There are more people here than usual, and I’m trying to figure out why the hell they’d think I’d want something like this after working all day.
“Thanks, Mom,” I reply, pulling away. She holds my shoulders, and I’m not going anywhere until she’s done saying whatever she has to say.
“You’re welcome. I know, I know. This isn’t your idea of fun, but humor me, will you? Also, Birdie’s home.” That was not what I expected to hear coming from my mom. The wind is knocked out of my sails. The last I heard, she was staying in Colorado indefinitely. Birdie only came home on rare occasions, like holidays and her mom’s birthday. I made sure anytime she was here, I wasn’t. I took the work my brothers passed up. Hauling cattle, dealing with grunt work, it didn’t matter. As long as I wasn’t home, all the better.
The need to try and change her mind to stay home was all I wanted. That wouldn’t be fair to her. She would have stayed, then she’d have grown to resent me, and no fucking way did I want that for either of us. The day she left to head to Colorado, I knew it was time to let her go. My gut was in knots and my heart, well, I’m not going to talk about that worthless organ when it comes to Birdie.
“She here?” I ask, my eyes glancing around the crowded house. A lot of the older houses around here don’t have an open floor plan. Mom and Dad changed that in the last fiveyears. Birdie isn’t in sight. My brothers are, though. They’re crowded around the kitchen island, no doubt getting their grubby hands on the appetizers. By the time I get a chance for some, I’m sure they’ll be gone. Fucking brothers, man. You can’t live with them, and you damn sure can’t live without them.
Dad is in the corner, talking to another neighbor. They’re no doubt discussing the next hay season and what’s going to happen in town with the new mayor taking over. Basically, when Dad and Mike get together, it’s a bitch fest, and I’d much rather deal with what Mom is throwing my way.
“No, Ellie tried to get her to come, but she wasn’t having it. The drive was terrible with traffic or some such thing.” Mom shrugs her shoulders, trying to make light of the situation, but that doesn’t stop the knot in my gut from tightening further.
“Alright, I’m going to go make my rounds.” The angel on my right shoulder is telling me to stay put.Your mom and family did this for you. The least you can do is say hello to everyone and stay through dinner.The devil on my left shoulder is sayingFuck it, turn on your booted fucking heel and go after the woman you let go.
“Lane.” Mom starts to say something but thinks better of it, going as far as to shake her head.
“Mom?” I question. We’ve gone through thisplenty of times. She didn’t raise six boys without a mother’s intuition for nothing.
“There’s plenty of time for you to walk over to Birdie’s, you know.” A smile crosses her face, and the angel on my shoulder is gone now. There’s no way I’m not going to take this opportunity and go after the woman I know down to the marrow of my bones is mine.
“Thanks, it shouldn’t take long.” I bend down, kissing her cheek, and say, “Try to keep your troublemakers from eating all of my birthday dinner, will you?”
“I can’t make any promises, which is why you should get out of here.” I take another sweep of the room on the off chance Birdie has made a sudden appearance. She hasn’t, and that’s my sign to head out the door before the rest of the crew descends. I’ve got a woman to go after.
2
BIRDIE
“I should have broughtRocky and Tully home with me.” I move to the bay window, looking out at the open expanse of Mom’s farm. The beauty is growing more so as the sun slowly sets over the expanse of flowers.
When I pulled off the main road and onto Mom’s dirty driveway, I was greeted with buttercups, Indian paintbrushes, goldenrods, and sunflowers. The variety of flowers was vibrant in color, and it calmed my nerves for the first time since things went to hell in Colorado. Not to mention seeing Mom waiting for me, standing on the front porch, hands together, attempting to stop herself from running down the steps before my car was parked.
She couldn’t hold back after I was out of the car. I braced for impact, thinking it would help.You know, holding your breath while pain is radiating from the inside out with only a hug. A hug you should be able to enjoy, yet I couldn’t, and I couldn’t tell her the truth either. Not in that moment, maybe not ever.
When she asked about my best friend, Tully, and my dog, Rocky, a mini Australian shepherd, I had to think quick on my feet. Tallulah changed her entire game plan. No, I take that back.Wechanged our plans entirely. Tully was going to head back to her family’s place to work in the family business at the veterinarian’s office her parents and brother owned. I was supposed to stay in Colorado in the small condo I was going to rent on my own. You know, trying to make things work with someone who isn’t Lane Johnson and go on with life.
What a big fat waste of time and energy.
Luckily for me and Tully, her family was okay with her coming to Wyoming with me, probably because she focused her studies on livestock and large animals in the veterinary field, whereas her family is more in the companion specialty. They have a great family circle, a lot like Mom and I do. Especially since it’s been the two of us for over fifteen years now.
Dad took off one day and never came back. We stayed in the same house for a year while Mom busted her ass to maintain a too-big house until she finally said enough was enough. We movedinto a smaller house with less to maintain and stayed there until high school. All the scrimping and saving paid off. Mom made her dream come true and has absolutely done amazing. Her flower fields are used for arrangements all around the state, and once the wedding and holiday seasons calm down, she even opens the fields to the public.
You’re such an idiot, Birdie. This is where you belonged all along.To be fair, the only good things that came from going away to college were my degree, my best friend, and my dog. Tully was the first person I called. She came to my rescue and has continued on her mission all along. OperationGet Birdie out of Coloradoas fast as possible was in full effect.
Tully is also the only one who knows my truth. Okay, fine, it’s a secret. A big fat embarrassing secret, one I made her pinkie swear not to tell a soul until I was ready. She’s now bringing her things, my things, and Rocky. I’d have taken him with me, except he was at doggy day care, and it was an extra stop. Tallulah promised she’d pick him up the second I left town, and she did, too. Even went as far as FaceTiming me the second he was back with her. When I say Tully is a godsend, she truly is.
She loaded my car and stayed on the phone with me for the majority of the six hours it took me to drive home, and I’m not sure I’ll ever beable to repay her. The drive went by fast. People have no idea how we can talk as much as we do, but we are the type of best friends who never run out of things to say.
Mom helped off-load the couple of bags I did pack. A miracle when she grabbed the one off the floorboard because carrying anything right about now would have hurt even worse. All that was left was the rolling suitcase. I took it by the handle, being sure not to tug it too hard. The last thing I wanted to do was jar myself and let out a loud cry.
I’ve made so many mistakes, and my heart drops to my feet every time I think about the pain I’ve caused along the way. They’re tremendous, like leaving Arrowleaf, leaving Mom, and, of course, leaving Lane. I almost begged him to make it work long distance, then thought better of it. How wrong it would’ve been for me to ask him to wait.
That’s why when Mom suggested I go to Lane’s birthday party tonight, I balked. She let it slide. Whether she knew the reasoning or not, Mom didn’t say. If I saw Lane right now, I’d break down, and my carefully built wall would crumble. I stayed back, took a hot shower, a short nap, and hid in my room until I heard the back screen door close.
