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“Yeah. The things a man sees and does when he’s in the shit…that’ll change you. It stays with you. You have to learn to live with it. You have to separate it from yourself or you’ll never move on. I can’t speak as to what Chase has been through, because he’s never talked about it with any of us, but my guess is—that’s why he drinks the way he does.”
“You guys have known each other this long and you’ve never tried to get him to open up about his experiences?”
“He’s a grown man, Lara. If he wants to talk,he can.That’s what a brotherhood is about. If he doesn’t,he doesn’t…and we’ll still accept him and ride with him because that’s what brothers do.”
“What you did to him doesn’t sound verybrotherlyto me.”
“That’s different,” I point for emphasis. “He needed that.”
“And who are you to decide?”
“The president of this club.”
She purses her lips and says nothing.
“Anyway, he stayed in the service for a very long time. He only came home when his dad passed away…for the funeral. We didn’t talk about anything that time either. Maybe he felt like there was nothing left for him in the military, or maybe since his dad was dead he could stop running from whatever bullshit they had with each other. Bottom line is, he decided to stay here.”
Lara nods like things are making sense to her.
“He’s a legacy and the first one we’ve ever had. He got his patch automatically, but he was really hard on the prospects who came after him. He tried to impose some of his military training on them and expected them to be like soldiers in order to earn their patches.”
“That’s why Luke didn’t like him?”
Well…that’s a story she’s never going to hear but…“Yeah, that’s probably why. Anyway, since Chase was a legacy and a patch we let him have his way with the prospects…within reason.”
“And the drinking?”
“He’s been like that since he came back. He’d started to tone things down a few of years ago. That sense of brotherhood was finally coming back I think, but then he started again and he’s been hitting it hard ever since.”
“What happened that made him start again.”
I can’t tell you that.Instead I say, “Who knows? With Chase, anything is possible. Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for you.”
“Well, is he a good person underneath all the bullshit?” Lara looks very hopeful that I’ll say yes.
“Most times, I like to think so. Sometimes, I just don’t know.”
Now she looks sad.
I want to hold her and comfort her, but I don’t want to come across as a father figure when I’m starting to look at her as something else.
I do the only thing I can do to not embarrass myself with a woman who’s almost twenty years younger than me. I stand and play the boss, “You’ll clean up, right?”
“Sure,” she nods.
Then I can’t help myself, I reach down and give her a kiss on the head, “Goodnight, Lara.” What I really want to do is kiss her somewhere else, but that would be wrong.
“Goodnight.”
Now, this forty-three-year-old man is going to jerk-off before bed…hopefully I won’t think about all the missed opportunities that have come and gone.
Chapter Nineteen
Lara
Last night was really something. Dom has given me a lot to think about. He’s already gone by the time I wake up so I end up having breakfast on my own—As usual.
It’s odd to catch him in the morning…or anyone else for that matter. Everyone gets together mostly on Sundays, but if I’m around during lunchtime and someone happens to stop by, I’ll feed them.
