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And there were so many reasons I shouldn’t have given in. Jamie would fall so hard and break so bad. But there I was, nonetheless, losing a battle I didn’t want to fight in the first place.
I had held off on pulling that towel off of her in her apartment and claiming her right there, punishing her for making me go crazy thinking she was in danger.
Her defiance when she slammed the door in my face, showing up after she said she wouldn’t just so she didn’t have to step foot in my car, had me thinking she was finally doing what was best for her. Pushing me away once and for all.
Fuck, was I wrong.
She knew what she was doing when she pushed my buttons. She knew I was threading a fine line between restraint and unleashing a hell neither of us could control.
Being inside her felt like home. It was where I belonged, and again my chest ached with that damn feeling that had no business to be poking at my heart.
This was bad for her. I was bad for her.
There was something about her that had all my fucking self-control reduced to ash. All it took was a push. First Jack, with his filthy hands all over her, and now her, with her little hand practically daring me to snap.
I fucked her with a foreign need before dismissing her as if she was nothing.
God, was she beautiful writhing beneath me. There wasn’t a sight on this Earth as mesmerizing as Jamie with my cock buried inside her.
This wasn’t what I wanted. If I had the luxury to ever have it my way, I would want to erase any other man from her life. Her first time wasn’t hard to top from the description.
Knowing there had been someone else before me made me want to burn this office to the ground. I’d fuck her over and over until he wasn’t even a memory. Cock lobotomy.
But I couldn’t allow it to happen again. I couldn’t allow her to step into my shadows.
I waited for her to leave my office before I took my frustration out on everything I could set my hands on in this damn place. I was used to destruction, but I couldn’t bear to see the wreckage on her face.
She’d trusted me with the highest honor of all, and now? Now it seemed I used her for her untouched pussy. Wanting nothing but to corrupt her, only to kick her out on the street with the idea that she wasn’t good enough for a fucker like me.
More like the opposite.
I’m the one drenched in sin.
My own shadow hides from me.
I couldn’t dare to drown her in my darkness. Could I?
Fuck! I was so far gone I was trying to find an angle where this, where us, wasn’t a bad idea.
Even plagues in the minds of purists were a purge. From their perspective, even death had an upside. I could twist this any way I wanted to justify my actions, yet the outcome would always be the same. And that ill fate, I couldn’t force upon her.
Getting her to hate me would be a smart thing to do. Maybe I was even halfway to it already. It was an easy way to push her away. I couldn’t trust myself to stay clear out of my own will.
“You’re not right for me, okay?”
Those words felt like razor blades on my tongue, the devastation in her eyes, the acid that kept the wound from healing.
I’m a selfish son of a bitch that should have let her go without tainting her light with my darkness.
Now? I’m stuck in a loop, trying to shove my depravity into a spectrum of color where it didn’t belong. Jamie was light, love, and life, yellow, red, and green. My shades didn’t even have a gradient. They were all black–complete absence of light.
Jamie
The night I had sex with Liam was the last time I was allowing myself to cry over him. He turned out to be a disguised version of my father, telling me that I wasn’t good enough for him.
He could have called me a fucking whore and given me a stack of bills and it would have hurt less.
The first thing that came to mind was leaving AD, but I couldn’t. The offer over at MG Enterprise was long gone, and I’d been a dummy not to take it when it was up for grabs.
