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But when I opened my eyes, we were still in the damn jet, and this was not the worst of dreams.
My lungs screamed for air that didn’t come, while my eyes welled up with tears that I fought desperately to keep from falling. My heart was ready to jump out through my throat as I kept thinking about the disaster that was about to happen.
We were on our way to Jacksonville.
My hands were shaking as if the pilot had turned the temperature to polar-freezing but I was as hot as the surface of the sun, sweat beading on my forehead.
Jacksonville was my Vegas: what happened there, stayed there. I had banished the past from my new life in order to carry on. Nothing good ever came from falling down that pit.
But now my worlds were about to collide. Past and present. The ugly face of my true self rearing its head to the only person I couldn’t bear to disappoint.
I’d been standing my ground as much as I knew how to, morphing into the strong person I’ve always thought I should be. The person Liam thought I was. And for some part, I had succeeded in being her, the woman I had imagined I could be far away from there. Away from him. All that was about to be exposed by my harsh reality.
Maybe he’ll behave since I’m with someone else.
Maybe he’s changed.
Maybe, just… maybe.
I felt Liam’s eyes on me before even looking up, and when I did, his eyebrows were hunched together in concern.
His lips moved quickly, his eyes darting all around my face, but I couldn’t register the words.
Panic had taken over my body, the only sound drumming in my ears was the one of my own blood rushing in despair.
He’s going to see. He’s going to know how weak I am.
The contrast between who he is and who I am has never been clearer. He’s in the damn mafia. He’s all about strength and power, while I’m a weakling.
“JAMIE!” Liam shouted, his hands on my shoulders, shaking me out of my haze. The gesture broke the hold I had on my tears that were now free-falling down my cheeks. I didn’t have the strength to hold them back anymore. “Why are you shaking? What’s wrong? Tell me.”
The concern was clear in his demanding words, but try as I might, I couldn’t speak. I was frozen.
Allowing Liam to see what I’d endured was opening a box that I had been trying to seal shut my whole life. It wasn’t just about the vulnerability of having him know about the abuse, it was more about the consequences. He would never see me in the same light after I’d brought him into my darkness. He wouldn’t want me anymore.
I was weak while what he needed was strength. Someone who didn’t need to be saved. Someone who wouldn’t take from his power just by being by his side.
Behind a great man is always a great woman.
That wasn’t me. I wasn’t the woman a man like Liam needed.
Liam pushed two pills into my hand and a bottle of water into the other one, ushering me to take them. I obliged before curling into his chest without saying a word.
Liam held me, his hand drawing soothing circles on my back until I fell asleep.
There was no escaping my past. It was clear that even if we turned around now, Liam wouldn’t settle for a half-assed explanation for my reaction.
Was it even fair that he had taken such a huge risk in opening up to me, telling me who he really was, while I hid behind a false façade? Logically I knew it wasn’t, but I couldn’t fathom telling him the truth.
I was too scared that he would think I wasn’t worthy of his affection, too broken to be loved.
Before my eyes fluttered open, I felt everything around me still. No noise or turbulence, no vibration from the plane’s engines. Nothing.
I was still nestled in Liam’s arms, but the airplane had landed.
“How are you feeling?” Liam asked as he noticed me waking up.
“Where are we?” I asked instead of answering his previous question.
