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“Niko, this is very painful for me to talk about. It brings up all the memories of when she was sick and I’d prefer to think back on all the times before that when she was healthy and happy,” I stated. “If you want to talk about that, I’d be happy to.”
“Sweetheart, I hate this, but this is very important,” he said.
“To know how she suffered? How she died?” I snapped. To me, that wasn’t about getting to know my mother, it was all about her disease.
He looked at me so tenderly. “It’s about the type of cancer she had. Have you ever been tested yourself?”
I sat back, pulling myself as far away from him as possible. Crossing my arms I said, “Do I look sick to you?”
“No.”
“Then what is this all about?” I asked angrily.
“Your mother had TNBC and...and...”
“And tell me something that I don’t know,” I demanded. Why were we talking about something if he already knew the answers?
“And you have an increased risk of developing it too. You need to be tested to find out if you carry the BRCA gene too.”
I remember overhearing my parents discussing that one night. “I know my mother had it. What does that have to do with me?” She had so many medical terms being thrown around back then that I figured it was just another cancer term they used.
“If your mother had the BRCA1 gene mutation, then that made her more susceptible to certain types of cancer.” He paused for a moment and then added, “And that gene can be passed on.”
“You mean that I might have...cancer?” I hated even saying that word. I didn’t want it ever associated with my family again.
“It means that if you do have that same gene, you are at a higher risk for developing cancer. It is so important that you know now and not wait until...”
“It’s too late,” I blurted out.
My mother never complained about any pain she was having. She brushed it off and pushed past it. That was until she couldn’t hide it anymore. That was when she finally agreed to go to the hospital and get it checked out. She was so strong and could handle so much that she put it off too long. It had already started to spread.
“Ovi, it’s just one test. Then you will know...”
I cut him off again, “If I’m going to end up like my mother.”
Niko shook his head feverishly. “It will tell you if you need to be monitored more closely. Doing this could save your life,” he stated firmly. He reached across the table and placed his hand on my crossed, unyielding, arms. “I know it is scary, but sweetheart, not knowing is worse. Please, Ovi. I am begging you, please take the test.”
His eyes glistened. “You’re really worried about this, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Yes, I am,” he said, still holding onto my arm. “I care about you so much. I want to make sure you are okay. Early detection is a major key to survival. And we don’t have to stay in Tabiq fortreatment. We could go anywhere in the world. We can find the best doctors and the most advanced treatment options.”
“Niko, you’re talking like Ihavecancer.”
Shaking his head, he said, “I’m sorry. Just the thought of you being sick and hurting, makes my mind run wild and I have a hard time controlling my thoughts.”
He really cared. More than he’s admitted to me, and maybe more than he admitted to himself. Uncrossing my arms, I grabbed his hand with both of mine. “I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there. But right now, there is nothing for you or me to panic about. I’m healthy.”
“Will you take the test? Just so we know what to watch for in the future?”
We?Did he forget that I was leaving Tabiq? When did we become a we? Not that I minded it, but we’ve never talked about it. A long-distance relationship was going to be hard. Niko was already so busy that I couldn’t believe he stopped long enough to spend an entire weekend with me. If we were on different sides of the planet, then maintaining any real kind of connection would be impossible.
Stop it. Focus. This isn't about us. It’s about the BRCA gene and cancer. Not us.
I knew that cancer brought out all different emotions in people. Maybe for Niko, it was bringing out one that made him want to take care of me. That was different than love, not that he’s used that word either.
He cares for me. That’s what he said.
I knew what I needed to do. It wasn’t just for him, but for me as well. He was right. If I carried the same BRCA1 mutation, then I would need to think differently. I might not want to live my life in fear of developing cancer one day, but I knew my mother would want me to do everything in my power to have the bestchance of survival. Knowing if she passed the gene onto me was a start.
