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Gunnar shrugs. “I feel weird about women called Shelby these days, I guess. She seems nice, and the kid’s cool, but I… it’s nice to hang out when it’s just Viv and me.”
He drops his gaze from my face to where our girl is feeding, and I could swear he’s blushing when he looks away again. “I wanted to ask you about something, and you probably don’t care, but it doesn’t feel right, not asking.”
I give him a sideways glance. “Sounds serious. Should I be sitting down for this?”
He looks me over and runs his hand over his beard. “Sorry. My head’s…” He makes a twisty hand gesture near his ear, and then reaches for my bag. “I should let you in the door, to get settled.” He apologizes again and opens the door for me.
Still feeding Viv, I walk inside and head upstairs, to my room. “I could do it myself, but would you mind bringing that bag up here for me?”
Gunnar does as I asked, following me up. I settle onto my bed and switch Viv to the other breast, because my tits have not felt normal since I left her. I tried to empty them as often as I could, but expressing with a pump isn’t the same, and I may have brought in more milk than she actually needs by using it as much as I did. Though she is bigger, so maybe it’ll be a good thing.
“What is it you wanted to ask me?” I say, when he retreats a little.
Gunnar wets his lips, like he’s nervous. “Okay. So, the friends I went to see — Ben and Maggie… I grew up with Ben. Maggie’s his fiancée, and they live on a farm, out in the back sticks. Like, deep in the mountain range behind… It doesn’t matter. What does, is that they’re trying to have a baby, but Ben’s kind of sterile. There was a wholemumpsthing — his folks didn’tbelieve in vaccines, it wasn’t pretty, and the poor guy can’t have kids. But they really want them, and—”
“If you’re asking if you can give them Viv, the answer isno,” I say with a chuckle.
Gunnar’s eyebrows plunge. “Of course they can’t have Viv. But the thing is, they asked us — me and the other guys — if we’d donate some sperm, to help out, and I felt weird about it, because I don’t like knowing I may have a kid out there I couldn’t help raise. Because what if my baby needed me? Right?”
He’s so passionate when he talks about his parental responsibilities. Does he know how fucking hot that is? Does he say this shit to his girlfriend? Lucky bitch. I hope she appreciates it.
“But then everyone said we could all donate and inseminate on the same day, so nobody would know whose sperm actually makes the kid, and at the end of the day, it’s Ben’s and Maggie’s and nothing the fuck to do with me — which I said I was okay with, because I know Ben will be a fucking great Dad, and Maggie’s sweet and loving, and they’ll be good parents, but I kind of wanted to ask if you had any strong feelings about it?”
I stare at him. “Me?”
He nods.
“You want to know if I have feelings about you donating sperm to help your friends?” I ask, slowly and carefully, in case I missed something.
Gunnar nods again. Is he sweating? He’s wiped his brow twice since he got to my room, and it’s not that warm in here.
I tilt my head to view him side-on. “Why are you asking me? Shouldn’t you be more concerned about what your girlfriend thinks?”
That makes him stand a little straighter. “Um… It’s not that kind of relationship. We’re not really… It’s not like she’d want…”
I hold up a hand to stop him. “Are you implyingIwant your sperm?”
He tenses his jaw and shakes his head. “I don’t know what I’m implying.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “It’syoursperm, Gunnar. Do whatever you want with it. Why would I care what you do with it?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. You’re the mother of my child. I value your opinion. I… I’m processing, I think. Ben’s always wanted to be a dad, and it’d be pretty sad if he could never have a little Viv of his own. It makes me feel a bit squishy.” He says the last part in a whisper, rubbing at his chest. “I’m going to help them do it.”
Totally confused, but not immune to how adorable he is when he getssquishyinside, I stare at him. “Okay?”
Gunnar nods and takes a step backward. “I should go.”
He doesn’t. Instead he lingers by the door.
“Was there something else?” I ask.
He takes a deep breath and scratches the back of his head. “Yeah. I… um… I fixed the shower. Shelby said it was leaky, and the pressure was shit. I had the time, and Viv was happy, so I fixed that. I figured you’d probably want a good shower when you got home. I always feel like that after traveling, anyway.” He pauses for breath after saying everything in a rush, and I tilt my head the other way, wondering what’s got into him.
“Ah, thank you? You didn’t have to do that, Gunnar. I was going to call the plumber this week.”
He nods and glances out the doorway. “Now you don’t have to,” he says with a shrug.
“You’re acting nervous,” I say when an uncomfortable feeling niggles at my insides. “What did you do?”
