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“Do you think those guys have died in the tunnel?”
“No, baby mouse. We had the key, thanks to you.” He’s silent for a beat, then adds, “You saved them. Just like you saved Connor.”
“I didn’t—”
“We’re here.” He interrupts. I drag my eyes open, then sit further up into my seat, eyes furiously blinking. I knew he wanted to show me something, but—“Where are we?” I ask again. My earlier promises are thrown out the window apparently, since fear finds a way to fist itself around my heart. It’s moments like these when it’s just so much easier to be locked away in my small room. Far away from the big, bad world. Instead, we’re driving through a narrow street that has large trees decorating the red-brick, pre-war buildings. People walk around the well maintained pavements, but unlike those in my neighborhood, these people seem to actually have a destination in mind. Two children pass with bikes, laughing as they do so, and when Kai parks the car, some fancy looking porter comes out of a building. Number 1006. By the looks of it, half the street carries that same number.
“Brooklyn Heights.” He flashes me a wink. “My home.”
“Why are you bringing me here?”
“Come on.” He snarls when the porter opens my door before he can, then grabs my hand and heads inside. Our colliding skin brings a tingle that crawls its way up inside my body, scattering flutters all over my chest and stomach. The entrance is majestic, high ceilings and cream-colored walls mingle well with the glossy tiles on the floor. Plants are dotted around the spacious place. We walk inside the elevator, and I watch him press the highest floor. “Now, Ro said that they were already moving our stuff,” he mumbles. When the doors slide open, I hear myself sigh in awe. This place is… I step inside, then freeze.
“Is this your home?” It’s a penthouse, the opened doors giving direct access to the condo, and we’re now facing a large living room. Kai walks a few steps in, then turns over his shoulder.
“Come on.” He stretches out his hand, and I take it, stepping over my own emotional threshold.
In that letter are your dreams, Phoenix. This is whatyouwant.
“It’s so quiet here.” Apart from the soft buzzing of my own ears as cotton fills my brain, I hear nothing. It’s mostly empty around here, apart from a massive couch and a glass, coffee table.
Kai hums. “I’ve always lived in this apartment building, but officially taking over from Dad means I get to live in this place. You like?” He turns around to face me, his gaze a whirlwind of emotions. I nod. “Why do I get the feeling there’s more?” He doesn’t answer, but his lips twitch. “There’s more?”
“Oh, yes.” He opens the next door, revealing a large bed in a clean, airy space.
“What?”
“You know what.” His voice has dropped, thick with sultriness. I swallow and let him guide me further down the hall to show me the bathroom. “Will you live here with me?” His tone is casual, but I feel the underlying excitement, mingled with anticipation. I feel it too. Still…
“You barely know me.”
“Exactly. And what I know, I like. A lot.”
“And what about the rest of me? The part you don’t know?”
He puts a hand around my waist, squeezing me a little closer. “I was hoping that you could show me?”
“Kai, I—” I roll my lips.I’m in love with you.The thought makes my heart stutter, and I clear my throat. “I don’t think I’m what you want in your life.” My chest burns at the words, making me swallow away the bile. Kai lets out a disapproving huff, lets me go, then opens the next door, revealing a workplace. There are a few drawings pinned against the wall. When I get closer, I see that they’re mine. The ones I made of him. I’d tossed them into the bin.
“Oh my God.” I’m inside the room before cotton can cloud my mind, or fear can prevent me from being me. But here, in this room, I find myself, that favorite part of myself. A mahogany desk sits in the middle, a kit with pencils sprawled out. Waiting, inviting me to create. Against the wall, next to the computer, piles and piles of paper. On the empty bookcase stands a vase with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
There’s a large window here, with view of the water. “Is that the Statue of Liberty?” Kai hums, and I look at the other side. I’m feeling as giddy as a child. “And Manhattan.” I stand there watching, enjoying, thinking.Sharing. Because I say, “This is exactly how I’ve always dreamt of living. High in the sky, far away from the world.” The words make me smile sadly. “I’ve always wanted to be alone. Dad didn’t—he wanted me to be someone I couldn’t be. So when my sister died, I don’t think it was difficult for him to leave us.Me. Mom was at home all the time. She’d drink, and mourn my sister’s death. I missed him, Kai. I thought he’d disappeared, that he was out there alone, or worse, dead. Then I got that letter, and the world turned into a better place. He wasn’t dead, he was still out there, thinking of me. Working with me, to get to our dreams. He may be somewhere else, but I wasn’t alone. They promised me there would be another letter. And I needed that, Kai. I needed that to be true.” I turn around, facing him. My face feels hot, but no tears fall down my eyes. I’ve already shed too many. “And then it wasn’t. That guy you saved me from outside my condo at night? That was Nate, Mom’s secret lover and the father of my sister.” I snort. “Can you believe that? It’s all so weird, yet—”Everything’s connected.“Everything’s connected,” I voice my thoughts. “I want that to be my past. I want to accept that Dad left me, bury Nate next to Rosy, get Mom into a rehab facility, and move on. Because if I don’t, it will be the end of me.” Kai opens his mouth to speak, but I flip him off. “So when you ask me if I want to move in with you? Oh, Kai, I would love to. You have no idea how I’ve pined after you, how you filled my lonely nights. You are -” my voice breaks, and my eyes burn. I clear my throat. “But I’m not what you deserve. You deserve so much more. And I know I’m not what you want in life.”
“You know what I want in life?” With a few big steps he’s reached me, and he grabs my neck and squeezes, pushing me deeper into the wall. We look at each other, furiously until I tap his inked fingers, in search of air. “I want to lead my family to more power, drive my favorite cars, come home here to see you drawing and making all artsy pieces, then fuck you against the wall and hear all about your dreams. About your desires. About your feelings for me.That’swhat I fucking want. I want you here with me, living this life. Do you think you’re the only one who’s scared? Do you? I was so fucking worried about you.” As if he only now realizes, he lets go of my throat, his stare locked on my lips as I part them for air. “So, fucking worried, baby mouse. I could have brought you in on so many occasions, but I just couldn’t do it. Every time I saw you, you had this hold on me, baby. I didn’t understand it, but it was there. And it was powerful.”
“Stop.”
“And you’re right, we don’t know each other that well yet, and we still have some things to settle, but you’ve also won some people over, by the looks of it.” He grabs the note from the flowers, and reads: “Hi Phoenix, if you read this, it means you’re staying. Welcome to the Void. Ro.”
My eyes dart from the bouquet to the note, then to Kai. I’m panting, feeling somewhere between a mouse about to be caught by a cat, and free as a bird. I want to cry and I want to laugh. Want to ask and want to answer. But mostly, I want this man. Kai. I’ve wanted him from the very first moment I saw him in the port.
“I want you here, Phoenix.” His fingertips trace the spots on my face. “God, I love these freckles,” he smiles. I lean in and press my lips to his, going warm all over when his breath hitches against my mouth and he kisses me back fervently. His hands slide round to my lower back and he steps closer, trailing feverish kisses over my jaw and down my neck. “I want to chase you, catch you, fight you, and fuck you. Every time. Will you let me, baby mouse?”
I gulp, a luscious tingle settling in my stomach. My body’s responding immediately to his words, and judging from the predatory look in his dark eyes, he sees.
“Yeah, I want that. But the last time we tried, I ended up in a white van.”
“Cocky, I like that.” Kai smiles. “I’ll make sure you’ll end up safely in my bed, this time, okay?”
