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“Don’t do this to yourself. It’s obvious we’re both attracted to each other. It’s just not the time or place. In another time, in another world, Mikey.” She turned to walk away, desperately attempting to avoid the brownies and him, almost succeeding when she felt his hand on her forearm, stopping her from moving. It wasn’t forceful, and if she wanted to go, she could’ve gotten away.
“I get to see Jace tomorrow.”
Huge change of subject, but she was glad. Any more talk about needs and wants might’ve gotten her in trouble. “Yeah? How’d you get that set up?”
“I’m talking with a lawyer. My counselor recommended someone to help me that wouldn’t completely wipe out my bank account. It’s a supervised visit, but at least Marilyn won’t be there, and I can have an honest visit with him.” He lifted his hat and ran his hand through his hair. Haize noticed a pattern – he often did that when he was nervous about something.
“That’s good, Mikey. How do you feel about it?”
“Truth be told, I’m scared as hell. What do I say to him? What do I do?”
“Just be yourself. Let him drive the conversation. If he wants to play on the floor, get on the floor with him. Don’t force anything, and there’s no need for the conversation to be serious. He’s a little kid. Let him be a little kid. It might take a bit for him to get used to you, and don’t get upset about that, either.”
“Be myself.” Michael clicked his tongue. “I don’t wanna scare him.”
“Oh, stop, Mikey. You’re a good man. You’re gonna be a good dad to him. I know you will be.”
He opened his mouth to say something, then looked toward the door. “My brother is here. Fashionably late. Listen, I really am sorry for the other night. And I hope you’re right about my visit with Jace. Thanks for everything, Haize. I’ll see you at the next meeting.” He acted like he wanted to say more, but patted her arm and met his brother at the entrance.
Mitch waved at her and then followed Mikey outside. She watched him disappear and she stood alone in the church, on the verge of tears. That’s always how her life went. She had walls built around her heart, and only one man was tearing them down. A man she never could have. A man who was breaking her heart and he wasn’t even hers.
Chapter Fifteen
Michael got to the supervised visit about fifteen minutes early. It was a cold and rainy day – gray clouds covered the sun and temperatures struggled to hit fifty degrees. He was nervous and unable to eat anything all day. He was sucking in the smoke of another cigarette – it was about the only thing that calmed his nerves. He made a mental note to chew on some gum before he went inside. He didn’t want Jace having to smell it on him. He figured he smelled it enough with Marilyn and her fiancé.
He had no idea what to expect. Haize had told him to be himself – a man who had never been around kids and had no father figure for him to think about and aspire to be like. Gripping the steering wheel, he ducked his head and closed his eyes to calm his racing heart. A drink would help but would be one of the worst decisions of his life. What kind of man would drink right before officially meeting their son for the first time?
A tap on the passenger side window made him jump, and he saw Marilyn standing there with Jace on her hip, both getting drenched by the rain. She made a motion for him to roll the window down, which he obliged, just enough to hear her talk.
“I see you’re trying to get your way, Mikey. You’re trying to take my kid from me.”
Michael looked at Jace who was oblivious to her antics. This was normal behavior he saw all the time. At four years old, he was already used to his mother’s unstable ways, and it hurt him to see it.
“You’re not supposed to be here.”
“Who do you think is dropping him off?”
“I thought the meeting supervisor was handling all that.”
“Not a chance. And you’re not gonna win this. I can’t believe you’re even trying. You’re a fuck up, Mikey. A drunk, a drug addict, a felon on parole. I can’t wait to see the court laugh you right out the door.”
Michael cringed at the language she was using around Jace. “Please watch your mouth in front of him.”
“Are you serious?” Marilyn arched her eyebrow. “Says the man who has the worst mouth I know. Except when it’s between my legs if you know what I’m saying.”
“Stop, Marilyn. Please, stop.” Michael glanced at Jake who was holding a sucker, his attention on that.
“Enjoy this visit because my lawyer is going make damn sure this doesn’t happen again. It shouldn’t be happening at all. How did you pull it off?”
“The paternity test proved he’s mine. I hired a lawyer, and he advised me to do this. You can’t just say he’s yours without me giving up my rights. And I won’t give them up, Marilyn. I won’t do it.”
“Then I’ll sue you for full custody. And you hired a lawyer? Give me a break. Where the hell you getting the money to do that?”
“It’s not your concern. Sue me all you want but I’m not going down without a fight. What will the court say when they see you’re still using? You’re not clean, Marilyn. It doesn’t take a genius to see that. I’ve had my problems, but I’m sober. I’ve been sober. And I don’t intend on using again.”
She smirked and adjusted Jace on her hip. “Sober. That’s funny. You’ll relapse. You’ll come crawling back to me, begging to be inside me. You know you can’t resist me. You never have been able to.”
The woman he once loved, who he didn’t think he could be without, repulsed him now. It was funny how being clean worked. His whole perspective had changed. While voluptuous and sexy, he was seeing her flaws. She was nothing like Haize, who had class and didn’t allow her beauty to go to her head. And he immediately wondered why he was comparing the two women. Haize wasn’t his, and he didn’t want Marilyn.
