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“The worker is here,” Michael replied, pointing at the woman waiting at the door.
“Good. Get this over with. It’ll be the first and last time it happens.” She handed Jace to the woman and smirked as she walked past. “I’ll be in my car. I bet you won’t even want to see him for the whole hour.”
Michael ignored her and followed the woman into a room decked out with toys, a play kitchen, books in a corner, and Disney paintings on the wall. “I’ll be over there in the far corner. Pretend I’m not here.”
Yeah right, Michael wanted to say, but he nodded his head and knelt in front of Jace, who had a perplexed look on his face. He was still clutching the sucker, which had stained his tongue and lips a light blue, lending a look as if he were cold.
“Hey, Jace. Do you know who I am?”
The little boy looked him up and down – his green eyes were the exact color of Michael’s, along with dark hair and his tan complexion. If he had a childhood picture of himself, he figured they’d look the same.
“I’m your dad, Jace. My name is Michael, and I’m your dad.” He felt the emotions catch in his throat but pushed them back. Now wasn’t the time to be a blubbering fool in front of his son. “Do you wanna play with any of these toys?”
“You’re… my dad?” He spoke well for only being four – the words were a little mumbled, and his R’s sounded like he was from Boston, but Michael understood him loud and clear.
“I am.” He ruffled his hair. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around. But I’m here now, and I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
Jace nodded and pointed to some Legos. “I wanna play with that.”
Michael crawled over to the area with the Legos and allowed Jace to take the lead, sorting the pieces by color. The child seemed to have an old soul, much more mature than his four years. He probably had to grow up too fast with Marilyn as his mother, but as far as he could tell, he was taken care of. His clothes were clean, he wasn’t dirty, and he was being fed. His skin was bright, and he seemed happy, but sort of quiet. Maybe he was shy because Michael was a stranger to him. It was hard to tell from the initial visit.
“Where have you been?” Jace didn’t look up from the building blocks, the sucker protruding from the side of his mouth, making his speech harder to understand.
How much should he divulge? Michael wasn’t sure. No one had prepared him for those types of questions. He needed to be honest. His mother had never been honest with him, and now he resented her for it.
“I made some bad decisions before you were born. I went to jail for a while.”
“You went to jail?” That got Jace to look up from the toys. “Mommy has been in jail before, but she wasn’t gone that long.”
“She was, huh?” Michael put together a few pieces and added them to the blocks Jace was building with. “I’m here now, Jace. I’m gonna be a good father to you. I promise.”
Jace put the blocks down and scooted closer to him, putting his hand on the side of Michael’s face. His tiny palm brushed down his skin and he smiled. “I know, Daddy.”
It made Michael’s heart burst with pride and determination to keep going. To stay clean, to continue AA meetings and counseling sessions, and to be the best man he could be. He wasn’t going to let Marilyn run all over him. He was going to fight hard, and maybe the court would see his history as a problem. Or maybe they’d see his progress as a positive light in the custody case.
“My mommy says you’re not a good person.”
The positivity he was feeling came crashing down. He wasn’t expecting Jace to talk much during the first visit, but it was straight to the point, a punch in the gut. “I wasn’t. But I’m different now. I’ve changed. I promise you that, Jace. I’m not the man your mommy thinks I am.”
“I know.”
“How do you know?”
Jace glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “Because you’re on the floor with me. You’re playing what I wanna play. My mommy never does that. She’s always in her room. She’s always smoking stuff. She’s in her room doing things she says I can’t see with other boys in there with her.”
Anger shot through Michael. It was no mystery that Marilyn was still living the drug life. But with a kid involved, it made him want to have custody of Jace right then and there. The kid didn’t deserve to go back to her. He looked to the worker, wondering if the woman had heard any of it. She nodded her head as she typed on her computer, giving him the signal that she had documented the conversation for the record.
“I’m sorry you don’t have anyone to play with you, Jace. I’m glad I’m getting to now.”
“Me, too. You’re nice. I’m glad you’re my daddy.”
Michael stayed on the floor with him for the entire hour, playing with whatever toys Jace wanted. He didn’t care that his body ached, and he needed to stand. Nothing was going to pull him away from the time he had with him. Their conversations ranged from their favorite dinosaur to their favorite food, to their favorite sport, and he was relieved the topics got lighter, though the mention of Marilyn treating him poorly was in the back of his mind the entire time.
Just before it was time to end the session, Jace had asked to go to the restroom. While he was out of earshot, Michael figured it was a good time to talk with the monitor.
“I’m not sure if I’m overstepping my boundaries here, but did you hear what he said about his mother?”
The monitor nodded. “I did. I’ve documented it all.”
