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“Gleb,” Pyotr says, his voice gruff as he looks toward the door.
I barely note the entrance of the tall, lithe figure as he steps into the room.
“Show Dani back to her parents’ home. I want you to hand her to someone—her security or her parents. No one else. See that she gets safely inside before you return.”
“Gospodin,” he says, his voice hovering near a whisper. Or maybe it’s the roar in my ears that makes it sound so soft.
Long fingers grip my arms with surprising strength, and he guides me to my feet. An arm wraps around my waist, nearly carrying me from the room as I stumble on numb feet.
My eyes find Silvia’s hazel ones as we make our way past the front room, and I can see the tears falling from them as she cries openly. And though she doesn’t speak, I know she’s crying for me.
34
DANI
Leaning over the toilet, I retch violently, bringing back up the grilled cheese sandwich and soup my parents insisted I try and eat. But nothing stays down anymore.
“We need to take her to a doctor,” my dad mutters on the far side of my bathroom door, his voice muffled by the thick wood but not impossible to make out.
“I don’t think she’s sick sick, Robert,” Mom murmurs back, her voice genuinely concerned. “I think this is grief, inconsolable grief.”
“Whatever it is, she needs to be in a hospital. We have to do something. She hasn’t kept food down in over a week.”
“I know,” Mom agrees quietly. “I wish she would just try going to school. That helped her depression some when we lost Ben….” She falls silent for a long moment, and I turn back to the toilet to vomit once again. “... just wish she would talk to somebody—anybody at this point.”
“She needs a doctor, Molly.”
What I need is for my parents to go away. I just want to suffer in peace. Nothing anyone says or does is going to lighten this crushing grief that consumes my every waking moment—my sleeping ones too.
I keep having vivid dreams of Efrem with constant cameos from Ben.
It’s agonizing.
And when I wake, I find myself trapped in a house with two people who made a deal with the man responsible for Efrem’s death. I hate them. I can barely stand to look them in the eye anymore, and yet, I’m so deep in depression that I can’t bring myself to put up a fight.
I’ve lost my will to survive.
And yet, I can’t find the strength to end it all, either. Something inside me holds me back from something so final. Though I can’t say what.
I swallow hard and get shakily to my feet, creeping toward the sink so I can brush my teeth now that my stomach is empty once again. On the far side of my bathroom door, my parents grow silent.
And when I finally emerge, my mom puts on a false smile, one that lights up her face like it does when she’s at a charity ball. “Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?”
“Not good. Obviously,” I state, trying to make my way back to bed so I can curl up in a ball.
Mom’s fake smile falters ever so slightly, and her eyes flick toward my dad.
“Honey, your mom and I have been talking….” Dad starts his eyes following me closely as he tracks my weak steps.
“I know. I heard,” I state, making it to my bed and crawling beneath the covers, each motion agonizing until I’m still at last.
“Please, Dani. You’re scaring us. I don’t want to lose my baby girl,” Dad says, leaning over the bed to press a cool palm to my forehead. “You don’t feel like you have a fever,” he observes, his voice soft.
“Just let me be,” I groan, pulling my blankets up over my head.
“Dani, stop it,” my mom says, her voice growing sharp. “Either you pull yourself together, or you let us take you to the hospital. You can barely stand, and I refuse to watch you simply waste away over that—”
Dad cuts her short with a sharp look, and I sit up.
