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“Dani—” Pyotr starts, his voice breaking on my name. He swallows convulsively, his eyes dropping to the floor so he can collect himself. Then he looks up to meet my gaze again as he approaches me. “We went to settle things between the Veles and Zhivoder. To kill Mikhail because he refuses to accept a peace agreement. Only we walked into an ambush.”
My stomach plummets as I sense where his story is going before he says the words.
“I’m so sorry, Dani,” Pyotr murmurs, his eyes turning glassy with unshed tears. “Efrem died. Stopping a bullet meant for me…”
The words punch through me like a cannon, stealing my lungs and heart as they open a gaping hole in my chest.
I fold with the force of my agony, and only Pyotr’s steadying hand stops me from collapsing onto the ground.
“Dani…”
I know he’s saying something to me, but his voice sounds like it’s coming to me from deep inside a well. The tenor rings like a brass instrument in my ears.
Lips parted, I struggle to suck in air, a crushing pressure filling my chest cavity.
Efrem… dead?
But I was just with him last night.
Every last nerve in my body screams in agony.
The world swims around me, and I think I might pass out.
Strong hands move me, settling me into a chair, and the solid wood beneath my hips helps ground me slightly, enough to clear my vision. And as Pyotr’s devastated face comes into view once again, I wish I had passed out.
“I’m so sorry, Dani,” he murmurs, the pain in his voice somehow compounding my own exponentially.
“How did…? He…” I can’t seem to form the words, and I grip Pyotr’s arm forcefully as I will him to tell me everything, to tell me why the love of my life is gone, who stole him from me.
“We meant to hunt Mikhail down while he was on the run. I was given false information that he was in hiding after his most recent provocation. Only someone fed me false information. They were waiting for us there on Mikhail’s estate. They had us surrounded before we even had a chance to fire our first shot….”
Leaning into Pyotr, I will him to tell me this is all just some terrible joke. That I didn’t lose Efrem to Mikhail Fucking Sidorov over some stupid conflict, some petty war that they’ve been waging for years. Why now? Why Efrem?
Then it hits me, the lesson the world has been trying to teach me for far too long. There is no reason; this life is pointless. We are born to suffer until we can no more. And then we die. It’s a cruel, laughable existence with no meaning at all.
“We were trying to retreat,” Pyotr continues, his words fading in and out as shock floods my brain. “I didn’t notice the gunman, and Efrem just… he threw himself in front of me, tackled me to protect me from a bullet I never would have seen coming. I tried to bring him back, Dani. But he wouldn’t let me. He… he wouldn’t have survived the retreat.”
I nod numbly, my stomach churning as I feel like I might be sick.
“He told me to tell you he’s sorry. And that he loves you,” Pyotr adds softly, his gray eyes deep wells of pain.
A wave of hysteria hits me as I find Efrem’s last words impossibly funny. He’s sorry? He’s sorry? He doesn’t get to apologize. Insane laughter bubbles up from my chest as I think about how it was just last night that he refused to let me say the very same thing. Only I can’t tell him what he told me. Because he’s not here with me.
My crazed laughter turns swiftly into a sob, and I wail with the force of my grief. He left me. Efrem left me here to endure his death all alone. How can I possibly do that?
He was the only one capable of holding my shattered heart together in the wake of Ben’s death. And now I have no one.
I don’t fight it when Pyotr pulls me close, doing his best to hold me in one piece since Efrem won’t. But I can feel the broken shards of my sanity slipping through the cracks.
This loss is not something I think I can come back from.
I don’t know how long I cry. And when I’m done, I feel only a hollow shell of a body surrounding my broken mind. My heart, my feelings, all sensation has fled, washed away in my tears.
I sit silently as Pyotr releases me gently, holding me at arm’s length as he peers deep into my soulless eyes.
“Dani, I know my actions are unforgivable. However unintentional, I hurt you more deeply than I could ever make up for. And the last thing I want to do is cause you more pain. But, Dani, I have to warn you. Stay away from me. Stay away from my family. Stay away from anyone related to the Veles. And most importantly, stay away from Mikhail. Because I can’t keep you safe anymore. I can’t keep anyone safe. My Bratva is ruined. We’re done. And I don’t want your blood on my hands as well.”
His words toll my death knell, ringing with a clarity that echoes through my body. They are the final nail in my coffin. And I nod mutely as I accept my fate, ready to die because I have absolutely nothing left to live for.
