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“I explained my limitations as far as what I could give her. At first, it seemed like she was accepting of that. And I still wanted to share a level of intimacy with Sofie. I loved the times we got to spend with each other. I didn’t want it to end altogether,” Gabriella explained. “But I just can’t get emotionally involved.”
Blair gave Gabriella a knowing look. Raising an eyebrow, she commented, “But aren’t youalreadyemotionally involved? You honestly look devastated, and considering you needed to take a week away from work, I think you’re more invested than you realize.”
Gabriella took a deep breath; she knew that Blair was right. The loss of Sofie was emotional for her; it wasn’t like ending things with a fuck buddy. Sofie fulfilled her life in other ways aside from sex.But why do I keep my walls up? Why can’t I give her what she wants?
“Yeah, maybe. But it’s too late now. We had a few squabbles at the office, and I was probably harsher with Sofie than I needed to be. I regret that.” Gabriella closed her eyes, feeling a lumpgrow in her throat. “But now she’s gone, and I don’t know what to do.”
The friends shared a moment of silence before Blair carefully approached the subject. “Listen, hear me out. I know you don’t like to be vulnerable, and I understand that you have trust issues; anyone would be in your position. But what if you spoke to her about how you felt?” Gabriella could feel Blair’s eyes boring into her, reading her like a book. “If you want my opinion, I think you’re in love with Sofie but don’t want to admit it.”
Gabriella shook her head, feeling on the spot. Blair’s interpretation hit her like a ton of bricks.She’s right, I am. But there is nothing I can do about it.Trying to challenge the uncomfortable truth, Gabriella retorted, “Okay, so even if you are right, what good would it do now? Sofie is furious with me, and with good reason. I fucked up, and now, here we are.”
“First of all, you’re already miserable, so I don’t see how being honest with your feelings will make anything worse,” Blair pushed back, refusing Gabriella the opportunity to feel sorry for herself. “Second, what if Sofie forgives you? Honestly, you are a brilliant and successful woman, but you are stubborn as hell. So what if you made a mistake and hurt someone?”
Gabriella’s best friend passionately continued, “You can make amends by being honest and asking for forgiveness. And you never know; maybe things between you and Sofie would work out for the best. But by denying yourself that chance, you are causing your own misery.”
Gabriella sat frozen in her seat. Part of her was upset with Blair for being so pushy. But then Gabriella remembered why they were friends in the first place. She and Blair shared the same tough-minded temperament, and if Gabriella was being honest with herself, she knew Blair was speaking the truth.
“I don’t know; I need to think about it. You’re right, I need to ask for forgiveness, and yes, I’m in love with Sofie. But thereis so much that I need to work through to be in a relationship.” Gulping, Gabriella averted her eyes. “What if I’m not ready?”
Gently, Blair suggested, “Why don’t you seek a therapist? I know of an excellent one; her name is Barbara Skye, and she is highly recommended, especially in the lesbian community. You indeed have a lot to work through, but regardless of Sofie, I think that could help.”
Slowly nodding, Gabriella felt overwhelmed. She had considered therapy at the beginning of her leave of absence, but instead, Gabriella procrastinated.Maybe now is the time to get my life back in order and really allow myself the chance at happiness again.But for now, she needed to change the subject and enjoy her visit with Blair.
“Thank you for listening, and all of this is great advice. But I think I need to move on from this conversation. Plus, I’mstarving.” Passing Blair a plastic container of premium sashimi, the women began their lunch as the sun shone, providing a much-needed positive light on the afternoon.
24
“Hey, I’m back from my break now,” Sofie called over to her manager as she grabbed her apron hanging from a hook. Marlee looked at Sofie, giving her the thumbs up. It was almost noon, and already a line of customers formed as the lunch rush began.
“Can you take over the till? I’m going to move the new girl to the espresso machine; she needs more practice,” Marlee instructed as Sofie nodded, positioning herself at the front of the shop.
“Sure, no problem. I prefer the till anyway.” Sofie signed into the POS system and counted the change in the drawer. Returning to Sunny’s Coffee wasn’t what she had in mind for her future, but for now, Sofie found it a familiar and comfortable environment. Since leaving Deluxe Redux Magazine two weeks ago, Sofie needed to heal her heart and process the happenings before deciding on her next move.
When she asked for her job back, the business was happy to have her return, which provided Sofie a silver lining amidst the drama that clouded her assistant position. At first, she felt like she was regressing in her profession, but after speaking withher roommates, Sofie realized that she craved the simplicity of her former workplace.I may not be going anywhere in fashion right now, but at least the coffee shop job is predictable and doesn’t require any emotional labor. I show up, I clock in, and when my shift is over, I clock out—easy-peasy.
However, as much as Sofie tried to forget her time at Deluxe, her heart ached at the absence of Gabriella.
Sofie was a shell of her former self.
Late at night she would allow herself to think about Gabriella. Was she so wrong to think there was something else between them that was more than just sex?
She knew they would never work as a couple, but Sofie was still convinced of their incredible connection. And she was no longer angry at Gabriella, only sad that they couldn’t form the relationship that Sofie craved. Her feelings for Gabriella were still present, but Sofie had muted them in order to move on with her life.
“Hi there, what can I get you?” Now ready to serve the busy line of people, Sofie assumed her best customer service voice, which was a welcome distraction from her heartbreak.It’s true what people say, fake it till you make it. And boy, am I laying it on thick! It’s wild how I can become a different person by changing my attitude and forcing myself to smile. I swear this job is just like therapy.
As Sofie continued to address each person in line, swiftly preparing their order, she fell into a rhythm where any complex emotions were temporarily swept to the side. She was so focused on her role that she didn’t notice a familiar face entering the coffee shop.
“Hey, Julie? Can you please remake this latte? The customer asked for it unsweetened.” Sofie had turned her back to address the new employee after a complaint about a guest’s drink order.
Julie nodded nervously. “Oh, I’m so sorry! Yes, of course, I’ll correct that right now!”
Sofie gave Julie a sympathetic grin. She knew what it had been like to be chastised at work, and even though Julie was slow at putting the orders together and quick to make mistakes, Sofie wanted to be patient and encouraging. “All good, no worries. Just bring it to the gentleman in the red jacket, sitting at the window.”
But once she turned around to face the front, Sofie’s jaw dropped. Frozen in place, she could barely get the words out. “What are you doing here?”
Gabriella Galena stood in front of Sofie, looking as stunning as ever. As usual, she was dressed impeccably; her hair was perfectly coiffed, and her makeup was elegant. But her expression was shy and cautious. Gone was the arrogant attitude and the sense of self-importance. To Sofie, she looked sheepish and worn; her face was thinner and more drawn than usual. Underneath the makeup, Gabriella Galena looked ill. Sofie was shocked to see such a transformation.
Nervously, Gabriella replied softly, “I’m sorry to bother you at work; I know you’re busy. But I was wondering if we could talk for a moment. I’m parked at the side of the building; could you spare me a few minutes?”
