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“Not exactly. He lived in a town called Pilon. It’s about a 40-minute drive away. We stopped at there gas station on the way here. Remember? I was panicking because the car was almost running on fumes?”
I shake my head.
“Must have been still sleeping. Did he ever work here?”
“Your dad would be the best person to answer that question honey. But he did say that he lived here for a short time when he was younger, but that was a long time ago. I’m sure the town has changed some since then.”
“Do you think this is where he met my birth mom? He never talks about her. Ever.”
“I honestly don’t know honey. You know what your dads like. He’s a closed book when it comes to talking about his past, even more so when it comes to talking about your mother,” she gives me a warm reassuring smile before continuing. “The one thing I do know is that he loved her very much. I can’t tell you her reasons for leaving you both that day, but it must have been the hardest decision she’s ever had to make,” she says sympathetically stroking her hand on my hair.
I shrug nonchalantly. It doesn’t really matter what the reason was. She just up sticks and left when I was just a baby and never looked back. Not a postcard, birthday card, zilch. Actually, that’s a lie. She left me a necklace that dad must have stored away safely in a box. It wasn’t until we were packing up the old house getting ready for the move when Millie found it rummaging through a large box full of memorabilia that dad kept in the basement of me growing up. Layers of dust blanketed the items inside. Dad said it must have been a family heirloom, but I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from Tiffany. I didn’t even have a clue of what she even looked like until I found a picture of her tucked away in a book in dads’ study. It was weird seeing them both together. Just two teenagers locked in a warm embrace, standing in a garden surrounded by beautiful flowers everywhere. Guess some people are not meant to be mothers and Tiffany was one of them. As far as I’m concerned Gale is now and always has been my mother.
They met when she was working in a coffee house next to the university dad studied Law at. Gale knew he was a single father because he used to bring me in there with him sometimes, but it never bothered her. She said if anything it made him more alluring. She told me she was smitten from day one. She loved me unconditionally and has been a constant part of my life ever since. Gale cared for me when I fell and scraped my knees, took me to my first day at school, went to all my school plays, and when I got my period for the first time she was the one who sat me down and explained the changes that was happening to my body. She also gave me the most precious thing in the whole world, my baby sister Millie.
I turn back to my task of unpacking.
“Its fine about the move. Honestly, I’m fine with it. Like you said, I can always make new friends. It’s not the end of the world so….” I admit shrugging my shoulder.
A hint of unease marks her face like she wants to say more but won’t. Turning away I bend down to lift another item from one of my boxes and carefully unwind the bubble wrap that was keeping the contents safe from breaking on the car journey here. I stop dead in my tracks holding in a breath as I stare at the faces in the wooden picture frame. The familiar sting of tears begins to form in my eyes as my vision blur but I hold them back before they have a chance to spill down my cheeks. I hear footsteps as mom moves to stand behind me. With a gentle approach she places her hand on my shoulder.
“I found it in the trash before we left. I kept it for you. I know your angry with me, with us. But you will see them again sweetheart. Maybe you could arrange to see each other over the holidays?”
My entire body stiffens in her hold at the very thought of seeing them again. Of seeing Max again. My heart begins to race and my palms begin to sweat. I didn’t always feel this way. Used and broken.
If my parents had told me this time last year that we were moving again I would have screamed the house to the ground, chained myself to the fence in protest even. But not now.
This is the forth time we’ve moved since I was a baby. I was always a free spirit as a child and found meeting new friends easy. I enjoyed being the new girl at school because I could be anyone I wanted. But it got harder as I got older. Trying to fit in at high school was a whole different ball game. That’s when I met Sarah. She was popular, beautiful, and somehow we became best friends very quickly. I couldn’t believe I was now a part of the most popular crowd in school after watching people like them from the side lines for years, often wondering what it would be like to be them and get invited to all the best parties. To have the boys at school hang on your every word and girls wanting to be you. How naïve I was back then. I would have done anything for Sarah because I stupidly thought she was my friend. She introduced me to a new world of fashion and colours I wouldn’t have dreamed I would ever wear. I began to feel proud of the body I was growing into, showing of more skin with every party we attended. But it wasn’t just at the parties. Sarah wanted me to wear those kinds of outfits in my daily life which my parents hated. I did it because she told me to but I missed lounging around in my sweatpants and baggy jumpers, especially on the weekends.
“You are not being seen out with me in that outfit Jordin. How many times have I told you your body is your superpower girl. How do you expect guys like Max to keep an interest in you in ugly ass clothes like that? It makes you look so fat and you don’t want people to think your fat, do you? Now we’re on that subject… I didn’t want to be a bitch and say this to you in front of everyone at lunch, but you could do with losing a few pounds to tighten up before summer.”
I knew what she was saying to me was wrong. My body is not my superpower, my mind is, but I was so desperate to fit in that I binned all my favourite clothes. Not only did I look like a different person, but I acted like one as well. All I cared about was going to parties and getting wasted. I put in as much effort into school as they did and soon my good grades began to fade away. We weren’t poor by any means but unlike them my parents weren’t millionaires who bribe their kids way into top colleges with huge donations. But like I said, I was blindsided. When Max asked me to dance with him at Nancy Green’s over the top lavish birthday party, that was it. I was a stupid schoolgirl with stars in her fucking eyes.
I would have done anything for the towns beloved quarter back. It was the first time in four years that the Boxford Panthers went on to win the state championship. I’ve never seen a town go crazy like that over a football game. They made him a legend after their quarter-back Rick Marshall broke his right arm on the field.
Max was the miracle substitute who made it all happen. He led the team to their greatest victory. He was untouchable on the field but even more off it.
Max changed soon after we started going out. The sweet quarter back who slipped notes into my locker everyday telling me how beautiful I looked was gone. Replaced by a jealous, angry, possessive, control freak. When I talked to Sarah about what was happening she made me believe it was all in my head, that I was over thinking things. When he hurt me physically she made me believe it was my fault somehow and I would end up apologising to him. I was so scared because I could see his behaviour was out of control.
I felt so trapped I couldn’t breathe. Every day for the last few months I would wake up and tell myself its only one more year. One more year until I’m far away in the furthest college I can find. It became so bad that I was willing to give up my family just to get away from him. Luckily because of dad’s job I didn’t have to.
The bruises to my body may have healed but the bruise to my heart I’m not so sure ever will. The betrayal delivered to me by the guy I fell for and my supposed best friend will be forever stamped on my heart.
My eyes move down to the picture of the three of us again. This time instead of sadness, rage begins to course through my body. I’m pissed. Pissed at myself for allowing them to get to me like this again. I binned that damn photograph along with all the rest. The teddy bears he bought me, the clothes, the Princess bracelet that I later found a tracker in.
I wasn’t his princess; I was his possession. When I left that town I left the past year behind with it, never wanting to go down that memory lane of bullshit ever again. I swallow hard turning to mom, but I don’t look her in the eyes. I never want her to see the hurt and pain that I hide behind mine. I could never tell her.
“You know what? I’m beat. I’m going to take a quick shower then get off to bed. I think the rest of this can wait until tomorrow.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” she says through a yawn.
“Your sister is out for the count and I’m sure you’re just as exhausted from today as I am. The three glasses of red wine I just drank probably didn’t help, but I wanted to check in with you before I turn in for the night. Any way, goodnight sweetheart,” she says placing a soft kiss to my forehead.
Giving her a bright smile I say goodnight. Just as the door is about to close her head pops back in.
“Oh before I forget, Millie and I wanted to check out the local area and maybe go to the beach tomorrow that we drove past on the way here. It’s not too far away. What do you think?”
“Yeah, sounds good. I can’t remember the last time I was at a beach.”
