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As she goes on, I take her hands. ‘Marnie, stop. Tell me again, more slowly. What tests exactly?’
She blinks away another tear. ‘The doctor asked me how long my leg had been hurting.’ Her voice shakes. ‘He noticed I was walking oddly. And the thing is, my leg doesn’t hurt. It just feels weak. But it’s been going on so long I don’t even think about it. Only he said…’
Frowning, I try to grasp what she’s saying.
‘He said…’ Marnie’s eyes fill with tears. ‘He said it’s impossible to tell without more tests. But… There couldbe something neurological going on. He didn’t say what, specifically…’
Shock hits me. ‘So, what happens next?’
‘I go to the hospital for scans.’ She looks terrified.
Scans…The word is alien to me. ‘Did they say what they’re looking for?’ I say quietly.
She shakes her head. ‘Changes.’ A look of anguish crosses her face. ‘Don’t tell anybody, will you? I don’t want to worry anyone unnecessarily.’ She makes a heroic effort to pull herself together. ‘It could turn out to be nothing and I just need new glasses.’
But we both know that wouldn’t explain her leg. I try not to show how worried I am. ‘You’re probably right. I mean, it’s the most likely explanation, isn’t it?’ I pause. ‘When are you going for the scan?’
‘I’m not sure yet. Maybe the end of this week – or early next week.’
Sitting there, I try to process what she’s told me. ‘I’m coming with you,’ I say calmly.
She looks shocked. ‘It’s really nice of you. But you can’t. You have your shop to think about.’
‘Don’t worry about the shop.’ I pause. ‘Some things are more important – I really mean that. I’ll find someone to help, or if needs be, I’ll close.’
She looks uncertain. ‘I don’t want to put you out.’
‘You’re not. I want to come with you.’ I’ve been living in a bubble for the last couple of years. But it’s time I started looking beyond it.
Marnie wipes her face. ‘Thank you. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to burden you with all this.’
‘You haven’t. And I’m glad you told me,’ I say gently.
She breathes out shakily. ‘It honestly wasn’t why I came here. I came to ask if you were doing anything this evening.’
‘Not really.’ After what she’s told me, I don’t want her to be alone. ‘I’m about to close. D’you want to come upstairs for a cup of tea?’
After I lock up the shop, she follows me up to my flat, where I put the kettle on. ‘Have a seat.’ I nod towards the sofa.
‘Thanks.’ Sitting down, as she slips off her shoes and curls her feet under her, she gazes around. ‘It’s really nice in here.’
‘Thanks. It isn’t the biggest, but it’s home.’ It’s also my safe place.
After making two mugs of tea, I pass one to her.
‘I really appreciate this.’ She sounds grateful.
Taking the second mug, I sit at the other end of the sofa. ‘How long before you get a date for the scan?’
She shakes her head. ‘They didn’t say. I’m guessing it’ll be soon, though. If it’s urgent…’ Her face clouds over. ‘I just feel so sick when I think about it.’
I try to imagine what it’s like, for life to come to a standstill; to know that a single appointment can determine the course of your future. ‘It would be better, wouldn’t it, to not have to wait too long?’
‘Honestly?’ Her eyes are filled with fear. ‘I can’t make up my mind. If it’s bad news, I can’t decide if it’s better to know or if ignorance is bliss.’
‘It can’t be easy, not knowing,’ I say gently.
A tear rolls down her face. ‘It isn’t. Right now, I can’t think about anything else.’
