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‘I know you didn’t want me to come,’ he says humbly. ‘But I’ve missed you – so much.’ He moves a huge bouquet of flowers into my line of sight. ‘I brought you these.’
A trace of scent reaches me. ‘Thank you.’ I whisper the words, trying to hold on to his hand, feeling my eyes close, falling asleep to dream we’re in Ireland again, sitting on the beach watching the moon rise.
Many times in the days that follow, I awake to find Forrest there, a feeling of comfort taking me over that I’m not alone.
It stays with me when I’m discharged from the hospital, the heat building as I tread an unfamiliar path through summer’s long shimmering grasses, fear my constant companion, paradoxically feeling more like myself than in a long time.
For the first week I’m home, I stay at Rae’s. While she’s working, now and then Forrest calls in. Never for long – despite my assurances he won’t, he doesn’t want to tire me; even the smallest time together cements the bond between us.
‘You’re doing great,’ he says quietly. ‘If there’s anything you want, at any time, you only have to ask.’
‘Thank you.’ These are days I know how lucky I am, when I cling on to fragments of hope. But I’m wary, too, the future precarious in a way it never has been before, life and death drawn sharply into contrast as I wait for my biopsy results.
Rae pampers me with flowers and home-cooked food, with kindness that’s tireless. ‘It’s important you eat healthily,’ she fusses. ‘I’ve bought a load of veg from the farmers’ market.’
‘You shouldn’t be cooking for me. You’ve been working all day.’ I can’t help noticing how tired she looks.
She raises an eyebrow at me. ‘You are not having takeaways, Marnie. No way. Not yet, at least.’
On a scorcher of a day, for the first time I venture out alone. The haze of earlier has long burned off, leaving the sun high in a cloudless sky, as wanting to pick up a few things, I walk home.
As I go inside, it’s almost like stepping back into my old life until I catch sight of my reflection. Instead of my usual tan, my skin is pale, my hair concealed under one of Rae’s headbands. But as I gaze at myself, I feel my resolve strengthen.
I think about calling Forrest, but this is the thing. When he’s recently lost Joe, when he’s going through so much himself, if the worst happens… I swallow the lump in my throat. I’m torn between wanting to see him,so much, yet not wanting to cause him more pain, I maintain some kind of distance between us.
After packing a few clothes into my rucksack, I go downstairs and back outside. As I walk back to Rae’s, I hear footsteps catch me up.
‘Marnie?’
Recognising his voice, my heart leaps. Turning to see Forrest standing there, I forget my reservations. All I want is to hold him. ‘Hey!’
‘Should you be out on your own?’ He sounds concerned.
I smile. ‘You know, I feel really good today. So…’ I shrug. ‘And it’s only baby steps. I didn’t see why not!’
A smile slowly spreads across his face. ‘It’s great to see you.’
‘You too.’ I fight the urge to kiss him. ‘So what brings you here?’
‘I was just coming to Rae’s – to see if I could tempt you out for a while.’ He stands there. ‘To be honest, it’s just so nice to see you.’
‘Beat you to it, didn’t I?’ I link my arm through his, liking how it feels. ‘What did you have in mind?’
‘A surprise.’ His eyes light up as he places his hand over mine. ‘If you’re up to it?’
He stops beside the big-ass blue car I’ve seen him driving before. ‘I really should apologise for the ostentatious appearance of this car. In my defence, however, I will say it drives like a dream.’
‘Always a lawyer,’ I quip as he mentions defence, watching his ears redden. ‘Don’t worry. Cars…’ I gesture vaguely with my hands. ‘They’ve never impressed me.’
Getting in, it’s seductively comfortable as I take in the soft leather, the state-of-the-art dashboard; the sound system thatmost of us can only dream of. ‘It’s actually a really lovely car. There’s nothing wrong with that.’
‘Thanks. It’s just a car, though.’
It feels surreal, as far from the usual endless stream of heavy traffic, today the roads are empty as he drives, as though, for a while, we have this corner of the world for just the two of us.
Now and then, he glances at me. ‘You look great.’
I roll my eyes. ‘You mean the headband does. I have a bald patch and stitches.’ I grimace, but I don’t mean it. Whatever the future holds, on this beautiful day, I’m glad simply to be alive. ‘So what have you been up to?’
