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She gives me a ferocious look. ‘Over my dead body,’ she mutters.
As I walk home, I’m none the wiser. But it isn’t the day to dwell on it. If there’s something she wants to tell me, Gertie will get round to it in her own time. And for now, with a day off ahead of me, I head for Arundel. There are one or two things I need. But who am I trying to kid? The real reason I’m going there is Rae.
The streets are like a blast furnace, heat radiating off the buildings, the relative cool of her shop a relief as I go in.
When Rae looks up, her eyes are bright. ‘Hello!’
‘Hi. How busy are you?’
‘Less than usual.’ She shrugs. ‘I think it’s too hot for anyone to go out. Well, almost anyone.’ Looking at me, she smiles.
‘Can I persuade you away early? I’m thinking about going to the beach for a swim.’
‘I’d really like to…’ She looks torn. ‘I just can’t close this early. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t worry about it.’ I try to hide my disappointment. ‘Maybe another time.’
I’m disappointed as I walk away. I get that running a shop comes with a whole weight of responsibilities, but on a day as quiet as this, surely it wouldn’t have hurt her to take two or three hours off.
But even without Rae, the thought of a dip in the sea is irresistible. I know her work-life balance is a bit out, while however much of a cliché it sounds, grief is a journey. Inevitably, it takes you back to the past – to the happy times you shared,as well as those that were less so. But when you lose a loved one – or two, in Rae’s case – what follows is different for everyone. And now, for her, it’s probably compounded by what’s happening to Marnie.
The beach is crowded when I get there and as I walk along the shore, it’s the first time in weeks I’ve felt the breeze. Carrying on until the crowd of people’s thinned out, I spread a towel on the sand and strip off my t-shirt.
As I wade into the sea and dive under, the water is wonderfully cool. Surfacing, I watch other people splashing around in the shallows, one or two serious swimmers heading further out to sea.
The water is clear, sparkling where the sun catches it. As it surges around me, I’m thinking of Rae again. A feeling of carefreeness comes over me that I haven’t felt in years; a sense of freedom, too. A feeling of love for this world that’s long been missing from my life.
It stays with me as I drive home. But as my cottage comes into view, I frown as I see the familiar car parked outside.
As I park, Lisa’s already opening the car door and getting out. Wondering why she’s come here, I go over to her. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘That isn’t much of a welcome.’ She gazes at me. ‘How are you, Jack? You look really well.’ She hesitates. ‘I was hoping that maybe we could talk.’
I fold my arms. ‘You made yourself very clear when you moved out. I don’t think we have anything to talk about,’ I say firmly.
‘I thought you might say that.’ She’s silent for a moment. Then she shrugs. ‘I should go. I shouldn’t have come here.’
‘You probably shouldn’t have.’ My buoyant mood has dissipated. ‘But seeing as you have, you can come in – if you really want to.’ My words are begrudging rather than welcoming. But it doesn’t put her off.
Following me inside, her eyes scan the room. ‘Nice sofa.’
‘I like it,’ I say defensively. Fetching us both a glass of water, I pass one to her.
‘Thanks.’ She takes it from me. ‘How’s Gertie?’
‘Same as ever. The goats, too.’
She raises one of her eyebrows slightly. ‘Of course. The goats.’
Opening the window in the hope of letting a breeze in, I gesture towards the kitchen table. ‘Want to sit down?’
She pulls out a chair. Curious, I sit opposite her. ‘Why are you really here?’
‘I suppose I’ve been thinking about us.’ She hesitates. ‘I’m not quite sure how to say this… But I made a mistake, Jack. And I have this crazy thought in my mind that maybe you and I aren’t done. And that if you thought the same…’ She shrugs. ‘Maybe we could try again.’
I look at her with disbelief. ‘It’s been a year. Over a year.’
‘Don’t you miss me, Jack? Miss us?’ She looks at me with those blue eyes I could never resist.
