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Remembering how outspoken I was, I feel mortified. How did I have the nerve to speak to him like that? ‘About that… I owe you an apology.’ My face feels hot.
‘Don’t worry about it.’ In jeans, with a t-shirt under his jacket, he looks comfortable in his own skin. ‘Are you both busy? Or can I buy you a drink?’
Rae looks at me awkwardly. Suddenly I realise how much she likes this guy, but I’ve been too wrapped up in myself to think about it.
I glance at Rae. ‘Shall we?’
‘If you’re sure.’ She sounds uncertain. ‘We don’t have to go far.’
As I take in the way they look at each other, it seems my suspicions are right. And Jack is a really nice guy, albeit not my type. But Rae, for sure, seems smitten.
It’s wonderful to be doing something normal again, even if it’s only a cup of tea at a table overlooking the river. Watching the swans meander past, I drink in the atmosphere. But being illhas given me a new-found appreciation for the simple things in life.
Content in the moment, suddenly I want to know more about him. ‘Rae mentioned you’re a nurse.’
His eyes linger on me, something I can’t read flickering across his face as I realise: he knows what cancer looks like. ‘That’s right. I work in a hospice.’
‘Rae said.’ I quickly change the subject. ‘She also mentioned something about goats.’
‘Ah. I have two, which is more than enough. They’re a lot of trouble.’ He smiles ruefully.
Putting down my cup, I get up. ‘I’m going to leave you two to it and head home for a rest.’
Rae turns to me anxiously. ‘I’ll walk with you.’
I shake my head. ‘I can see myself home’ I say gently. ‘I’m only going to sleep. It’s a lovely afternoon. You should stay here.’
She shakes her head. ‘I’m coming with you.’
I know she’s thinking of me, but it’s crazy. She likes this guy – and he clearly wants to talk to her.
Jack glances at me, then Rae. ‘Let Marnie go. If she needs you, she can call you. Right?’ His eyes turn to me questioningly.
‘Right,’ I say gratefully. ‘It was really nice to meet you – properly, I mean.’
‘You, too,’ he says. ‘Look after yourself.’
As I walk away, I realise that Rae must have told Jack about my illness. But with the obvious physical effects, it’s a long way from being something I can hide any more. I stop suddenly. When Rae is with me every step along the way, I don’t think often enough about how difficult this must be for her; I’m suddenly hating the impact my illness is having on her life, and on Birdy’s. On Forrest’s, too.
When I get home, there’s no sign of Forrest. Not long after, as I’m making a cup of tea, Birdy turns up. ‘Are you busy? Only I wanted to talk to you about something.’
‘Of course I’m not. Come on in.’
As she follows me into the kitchen, a cloud crosses her face. ‘I’ve decided to put off going away.’
‘Oh no.’ I shake my head. ‘It’s all set up. You’ve booked your flight, haven’t you?’
‘I’ve changed it.’
A hollow feeling comes over me as suddenly I know why. She’s scared that when she leaves, we’ll never see each other again.
‘I wish you hadn’t.’ I pause. ‘What was it you wanted to talk about?’
She’s silent for a moment. ‘It’s one of those things… I’m not sure if I should.’
‘Birdy.’ I sit at the kitchen table. ‘You know you can talk to me about anything.’
Sitting opposite me, she surprises me. ‘I just wanted to say I understand why you decided not to have surgery. It’s about quality of life, isn’t it?’
