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Shortly after I arrive, Forrest comes in. He hasn’t slept – the dark circles under his eyes give him away. Pulling up a chair next to mine, he takes one of my hands in both of his.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Shitty,’ I say quietly, feeling his hands tighten. ‘You?’
‘The same.’ As he sits there, it’s as though I can hear the workings of his brain. ‘I love you, Marnie.’ His eyes fix on mine. ‘I’ve always loved you. For as long as I’ve known you. Even before that.’
I swallow the lump in my throat. I know he’s talking about the other lives where he believes our paths have crossed. I’m starting to believe he’s right. How else can I feel I know his soul? ‘I love you, too,’ I whisper, articulating each syllable, feeling the power of what exists between us.
‘I’m not leaving you,’ he says earnestly. ‘Not for a moment. So don’t ask me to.’
Silent, I gaze at his face, taking in each freckle, the colour of his eyes, the tiredness I want to kiss away. We’re running out of time. But I’m holding onto hope that there’ll be another chance, another life. ‘No way,’ I whisper, reaching out to touch his face. ‘Not this time.’
As his arms go around me, it’s as though my heart sighs, the loveless years and loneliness melting away. Wherever we are, as long as he’s with me.
This is how home feels.
33
RAE
It’s the first time I appreciate the difference the hospice can make, the support and kindness of the staff here. Not just for Marnie, but for all of us. The understanding, even a laugh here and there, while what it’s most about is life, and the belief that these last days are precious.
While I wait in reception for Jack to come to find me, a woman’s voice comes from behind me.
‘Hello?’
Turning, I recognise her instantly.
She looks hesitant. ‘I don’t know if you remember me – I’m Freya. I came into your shop.’ She hesitates. ‘I’ve come here to pick something up. My sister was here – until she died.’ Her eyes fill with tears.
My heart goes out to her. ‘I’m so sorry. You told me there was someone – when you bought the book.’
‘Yes.’ She wipes her eyes. ‘I’ve been meaning to come in and thank you. It was such a good book.’
‘I’m so pleased.’ I wish I had a book to take her sadness away. ‘I’m sorry about your sister.’
‘Thank you.’ Freya’s voice wavers. ‘We all knew she wasn’t going to get better. It was a release in the end – I just miss her so much.’ She pauses. ‘But you know someone, too, don’t you?’
‘My friend.’ My voice is suddenly husky.
‘I’m so sorry. It’s the hardest thing, isn’t it?’ Freya’s voice is filled with sympathy. ‘If it’s any consolation, they took amazing care of my sister here.’ She hesitates. ‘Would it be OK if I called into your shop sometime? It would be nice to talk – properly, I mean.’
I try to smile. ‘I’d really like that.’
‘Freya?’ Jack’s voice comes from behind me. Reaching us, he looks surprised. ‘Do you two know each other?’
‘Kind of.’ I smile more brightly. ‘Freya came into my shop.’ I realise she doesn’t know my name. ‘I’m Rae, by the way.’
‘It’s nice to see you again. It’s a small world, isn’t it?’ Freya turns to Jack. ‘One of the nurses found a bracelet that belonged to Roxie. I was hoping to pick it up today. I’ve been putting off coming back, to be honest.’
‘It’s good to see you,’ he says quietly. ‘I expect they have it at reception. I’ll check for you.’
As he walks away, Freya turns to me. ‘He was such a support when Roxie was ill. Nothing’s ever too much trouble for him.’ She pauses. ‘Your friend’s in good hands.’
My heart warms. ‘I know she is.’
I notice Jack coming back. ‘Don’t forget, will you?’ I say to her. ‘Come into the shop. Any time.’
