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It had been downhill all the way after that, with her and Katie getting blitzed as the only way to survive such a deadly evening.
I can’t believe you behaved so immaturely. Jolly embarrassing actually… I can’t imagine what the chaps thought. Really, Eliza… I don’t know why you’re friends with that dreadful girl…
A pang of nostalgia struck her as she’d shoved the dress to the back of the wardrobe.Oh what I wouldn’t give to be footloose and fancy free and without a care in the world…
But with her mother ill, it was no time to think about herself. Not the time either for Jamie’s proposal. The last thing she expected – now,of all times, when she needed to be thinking about her mother. But knowing what lay ahead, she’d felt a sudden rush of gratitude, that he’d still be there after her mother wasn’t. He’d produced the enormous diamond before she could change her mind.
‘Oh… oh… it’s beautiful…’
‘Doesn’t he get what’s happening to your mum?’ Katie could see what was happening, but then, this was Jamie after all. About as subtle as a brick, as always.
‘I think he just thought it was a good idea, to do it now. So she would know before… I mean, we have been together for years…’
Jamie, of course, had thought no such thing but with her mother slipping away before her eyes, Lizzie’s logic was more skewed than ever.
Katie had bitten her tongue. It was hardly the time after all.
If only she’d stopped and thought. About how wise it was, making such a huge commitment in the wake of losing her mother. That losing your cornerstone as she had sent ripples through your soul, changing you inside forever.
But a kind of numbness had moved in, clouding everything. And now, nearly a year had passed and the big day was almost here. Lizzie could barely believe there were just four days to go. Most things were now in place but without Isobel, nothing felt at all the way it used to.
Life goes on, Eliza…Jamie had said most firmly just a week after the funeral, wasting no time as he booked exclusive hire of a small-but-classy London hotel.
‘We’ll have the Hamachi tuna sashimi, don’t you think, Eliza? Followed by roast poulet with blah blah blah…’
He hadn’t wanted Lizzie’s input, just as Lizzie hadn’t wanted Katie’s:
Lizzie! What’s the hurry? Is he frightened you’ll change your mind?
Lizzie rested her head in her hands. She’d like to hide here in Joe’s all morning, Jamie’s to-do list buried in her pocket – he’d emailed it to her after dashing off to some last-minute conference.
But with her latte finished all too soon, she couldn’t put it off, and with a regretful sigh and a wave to Maria, who called a cheery ‘ciao, Lizzie’ from across the room, she reluctantly melted back into the madness on the streets. And out of nowhere, as she walked, the thought came into her head.
Why don’t I feel excited? It’s my big day. I have my designer dress, flowers to die for, a top chef, the best vintage champagne… Shouldn’t my heart be thumping, my blood fizzing with anticipation, my cheeks aching from all the smiling at absolutely everyone I pass…
No, she told herself firmly, ignoring the irritating voice. It wasn’t surprising at all. She was quite simply exhausted. It was all this rushing around trying to organise everything. Taking a deep breath, she tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. When Saturday came, and she put on that dress and her hairdresser had worked her magic,thenshe’d feel excited, she knew she would.How could she possibly not?
Meanwhile, there was today to get through. One last day, starting with this meeting she was late for, before she left as early as she could.
Ignoring the blast on the horn as a taxi driver swerved to avoid her, she darted across the road and in through the glass doors.
‘Three minutes late, Lizzie! What time do you call this?Come on…’
It was Julian, standing there, tapping his watch. But then he started early, worked late and didn’t have a life, she supposed, unlike the rest of them. Her heart sank into her boots.
‘This really isn’t good enough… They’ll have started without you…’
He leaped up the stairs quite nippily – no mean feat in such obscenely tight trousers. It was definitely the ageing rock star look this morning, thought Lizzie, trying her tear her gaze from his leopard-print bottom.
But as the meeting had droned on and on, Lizzie’s mind had drifted off – miles away, awaking with a jolt at the end. Slightly disbelievingly, she’d glanced at the clock – it couldn’t possibly be that time already…But as she looked around, stars appeared before her eyes, then the room started to spin. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe.
I need some air, she thought in a panic, her heart racing erratically. Squeezing through everyone, she edged towards the door and slipped away.
Out of the building and in spite of the clouds gathering ominously overhead, she fumbled in her bag for the Ray-Bans. Safely camouflaged and lowering her head, she walked unsteadily down the street and across the road towards the relative quiet of Green Park.
Still light-headed, Lizzie kept going until, away from everyone, she found an empty park bench where she sat, rather heavily for someone so slight and sighed a shaky sigh.
Breathe, Lizzie, breathe…She sat, taut, ready for flight.
