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‘We’ve made cupcakes, Mummy,’ Poppy says, before I can answer. ‘Look!’
‘Those look delicious,’ I say.
Poppy beams. ‘Daddy helped. But I did the hard parts. And we’ve made pizzas for dinner. Please can we have a movie night? And eat our pizza while we watch?’
‘Okay,’ Max says. ‘As long as it’s notFrozenagain.’ He places his hands together in prayer.
‘No, notFrozenagain,’ Poppy says. ‘Frozen II!’
Max tickles her and she runs off, squealing.
‘Please don’t take this away from me,’ Max says, when she’s left the room.
‘We can’t stay living like this forever. We have to move on.’
‘But Poppy…’
‘She’ll be fine. I can’t talk about this now. I…I need space. Not to change my mind, but to sort out what I’m going to do.’
‘None of us are safe,’ Max says. ‘Not with Shane out there, free to do what he wants.’ Max’s eyes fill with panic. ‘Remember my attack? I could have been killed. He’s probably just waiting for things to die down. For the police to forget about him. And for us to as well. And then?—’
‘Stop!’ I cry.
‘Mummy? What’s wrong?’
I didn’t hear Poppy come back in, but now she’s staring at me, her eyes wide and curious.
‘Nothing, sweetheart,’ I assure her. ‘Daddy and I were just talking about something. It’s…’
But she’s not listening, and rummages through the art cupboard, pulling out paper and some pens.
‘Let’s get this pizza in the oven, then,’ Max says.
When Poppy’s in bed, Max tells me he’s planning to do some work in the garden office. He hasn’t been out there for months, and I ask him about that now.
‘Someone broke into it,’ he says. ‘Before. I could tell. It was a mess and I’d never leave it like that. It put me off for a while, but I can’t avoid it forever. I need to go through everything and make sure Shane didn’t take any work stuff.’
Guilt swells in the pit of my stomach when I remember taking Max’s laptop to Taylor, handing it straight to him, to do with what he liked.
‘I’ll tidy up down here,’ I say, surveying the mountain of toys. Despite having a movie night, Poppy still got all of her toys out to play with while she watched.
Max leaves me to it, and I almost call him back. But my mind shuts down anything I could say to him, so I turn away and focus on tidying.
I’ve nearly finished when I spot Poppy’s pink Kidizoom camera under the sofa. Pulling it out, I realise it’s still on. She loves taking pictures, and filming videos of people when they’re not expecting it, and I scroll through it now, wondering if there are any of me on there.
The first video I see is of Max, and it looks like he’s in the park. The screen moves and I see that Sarah is next to him, both of them laughing and urging Poppy to stop filming. Then the camera jolts, and all I can see is the sky, as Poppy laughs and runs off.
But the camera keeps filming, and although their voices are a bit muffled against the background noise in the park, I can make out every word Max and Sarah are saying.
‘She won’t change her mind,’ Max says, while Ivy and Poppy shriek in the background, Poppy urging Ivy to push her.
‘I’ve tried, Max. But Hannah’s adamant. She can’t look back, she just wants to get on with her life. I’m sorry. I’ve done everything I can.’
‘Shane got what he wanted,’ Max says. ‘My life’s over. Hannah will move out, or I will, and then I’ll lose both of them. How can I live every day knowing I won’t wake up and see Poppy?’
There’s silence, and it sounds as though someone is crying. The noise of children continues to fill the background. Not just Poppy and Ivy. Voices of strangers.
‘This is all my fault,’ Sarah says. ‘I’ll never forgive myself.’
