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“I’ll be right there.” I hurry out of the pool and over to the gate, my bare feet slapping the concrete, water dripping from me. Once the gate is open, he steps through.
Right away, I assume the worst. “Who got hurt? Ash? He wasn’t ready, was he?”
“What? No, no, that’s fine. He’s fine. We won.”
“I know, but I was thinking, maybe something happened. You look…”Like hell. Like you lost your best friend. Like somebody ran over your dog.
He shakes his head and waves his hands before stumbling toward one of the chairs on the patio. “No, it’s nothing like that. It’s worse. It’s so much worse.”
“What is it?”
When he won’t look at me, I crouch in front of him. “Hey. It’s me, remember? You can tell me anything. I’m here.”
“It's my fault. It’s all my fault.”
I thought we were past this point. “Ryder, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No, you don’t understand. I know it’s my fault. This all happened because of me.” He covers his face with his hands and lets out a groan. “I know who told the coach.”
“I don’t understand.” I take him by the wrists and pull his hands away from his face. “Talk to me.”
“It was Pete! My own brother. He found our group chat on my phone and read all the things we were talking about, going way back.”
“Oh, no,” I groan. “But… that doesn’t mean he told?—”
“I had it out with him before I came here. I actually threw him out but cooled off a little and told him he can stay, but he had to tell me exactly what he did.” His shoulders rise and fall slowly with every measured breath he takes. “A few days after he got here, I took him over to the arena to meet everybody – I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe that he’d be, like, inspired to do something with his life when he saw how far I’ve come. And what did he do? He made a smart ass comment to the coach while I was practicing with the guys. Something about teamwork, and how nice it is that we’re a team on and off the ice. He even named Soren and Ash.”
I’m going to be sick.
“I don’t even think he meant to hurt me, or us. Hell, I don’t know. Maybe he did. I don’t know anything about that kid anymore. I thought so, but now…”
“So that’s how he knows.”
“I am sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t think he would take my phone! He never said anything to me about it. I would’ve explained if he had.”
What was there to explain? I don’t bother asking the question, since I know there isn’t an answer. Not one that could possibly make any of this easier, anyway.
“It’s alright.” I lean in, taking the back of his neck in one hand and pulling him closer before pressing my lips to his forehead.“It’s all going to be fine. At least we know now. That’s one mystery solved.”
“But what do we do now?”
“I really don’t know. It might be easier to move forward when I don’t have to question everybody around the team, wondering how they found out. Right? That’s a little bit of peace of mind, anyway.”
“I can’t believe how well you’re taking this.”
“Yeah, well, it’s been an interesting couple of weeks. I’ve already gone through just about every emotion there is, A-to-Z, and back again.”
“I just feel so guilty. I’m trying to do the right thing by this kid, and he blows up everything.”
“You have a good heart.” Somehow, I manage to smile as I stroke his cheek. It’s scruffy, but I like the roughness. “And I don’t blame you. I’m sure none of the guys will. Just one of those things.”
“How do you do it?” When I raise an eyebrow, he says, “You’re so understanding. You’re so generous and kind. I’ve never known anybody like you. You almost make me feel like everything is going to work out.”
“Because it is. One step at a time, right? We’ll find our way through this.”
I should pull back when he takes my face in his hands, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t want to, either. Oh, I need his touch so badly.
“I love you. I don’t feel worthy of you, but I love you.” There’s no chance to tell him I love him, too, before he captures my mouth with his own.
