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“I was trying to think of a way to tell you this. But I still haven’t figured out what to think about it myself.”
“You’re driving me nuts. Tell me what it is before I completely lose it.”
His chest puffs out when he pulls in the longest, deepest breath ever before blurting it out. “I’m going to Minnesota. I found out before the start of the game.”
I wait for more, but he doesn’t say anything else. “Is that it?”
He frowns. “Is what it?”
“I mean, I’m just saying. You’re being sent up to Minnesota. That’s exciting! Yeah, I’ll miss you. We’ll all miss you. But this is something we should celebrate, right?”
“You don’t understand.” He hangs his head before his shoulders rise and fall in a deep sigh that seems tinged with sadness. “I’m not being sent up. I’m being traded.”
One day, I’m going to have to get used to dealing with bombshells like this. I mean, it’s obvious I’m going to face them constantly. That’s how it feels lately, anyway. I might as well start adjusting to them.
“Traded?” I push my chair back from the desk and stand, slowly crossing the room until we’re standing toe to toe. “Like, permanently?”
“It’s all my damn fault.” He bangs a fist against the door behind him, then groans when I jump. “I’m sorry. None of this is your fault. I shouldn’t freak you out.”
My heart is sinking like a stone, deeper with every strained breath I take. “It’s the request you made,” I whisper, horrified.
“I guess Coach Kozak put things in motion. He told me he didn’t want to, but he did it, anyway.”
I don’t want to say it out loud, but I can’t help wondering if he put all of this in motion as a way of breaking up the four of us. Back before we talked things out, when he was mad and disappointed. He might have seen this as a godsend, a way of removing a part of the equation.
Not that it matters. The result is the same. There’s only one thing I can think to do, since bursting into tears doesn’t seem like it would be very helpful. When he looks so distraught, I can’t stand here and not at least try to pick up his spirits—even when my own spirits are depressingly low. “It’s going to be okay.” I reach for him, trying to hug him, but he only stiffens and looks away.
“Is it? I have to leave soon. Like, I’m supposed to be there next week.”
Hold it together. The last thing he needs is to watch me break down when he’s already feeling bad enough. “That’s… very sudden.”
“Yeah, no shit. They don’t give you a lot of warning when something like this happens.” The back of his head touches the door before he sighs again. “Who cares if I have a whole house to pack up and a car to transport and a life to take care of?”
“And it’s all been finalized?”
“Trust me,” he grunts, looking miserable when our eyes meet. “I’ve already asked all the questions. Like if there’s a way to get out of this, that kind of thing.”
He covers his face with his hands — a helpless gesture that threatens to break my heart. “It’s all my damn fault. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t want to be away from you, but I told myself I couldn’t stand being here, facing them, being broken up.”
“Well…” I lift a shoulder, because I can’t stand seeing him like this without trying to turn things around. “Think about it this way. We weren’t allowed to be together during the season, anyway. And once you come back, you can?—”
“But this won’t be my home anymore. I have to start over somewhere else. A new house. A new team. New everything. And there’s nothing I can do about it, and I don’t want to leave you.”
I’m in his arms before he’s finished, my face buried in his chest while his is buried in my hair. “How am I supposed to leave you?”
Especially now. When I’m carrying a baby that could be his.
“Oh, crap.” I have to fight to break free of his arms when my stomach turns and bile begins to rush into my throat. I stumble out of the room and run blindly for the bathroom, where I can throw up and cry in private.
I don’t wantto be here.
And once Ryder steps back into the restaurant with Soren and Ash behind him, it’s pretty obvious they feel the same. He told them. He said he would, that he didn’t have a chance to do it in the locker room. And after the fiasco of telling them about Pete before the game they went on to lose spectacularly, he figured it was for the best to save it for afterward. At least he learns from his mistakes.
They both look shellshocked, though they’re doing their best to hide it. After all, as far as the rest of the team is concerned,there’s nothing to do but celebrate. They just won a game, and everybody is flying high on happy, positive energy. I have to give them credit for how hard they are working to get back into the groove as they wander over to my end of the long table, set up toward the back of the pub the team chose for their celebratory dinner.
“You okay?” I murmur to Soren when he sits down.
“Define okay.” He groans before taking his head in his hands. “I’m not sure I can handle any more of these sudden surprises.”
