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When I look at Ryder and Soren, though, that theory goes out the window. Unless they also imagined her using those words. Maybe it’s some sort of group hallucination.
Or maybe she really is pregnant.
“Is this for real?” Ryder’s face would be funny if this weren’t so serious. I’ve never seen him look so shocked, like a bomb had been dropped on his head. He looks around like he’s waiting for somebody to deliver the punchline. Or like he hopes somebodywill. Because the idea of this being for real is a little too much to handle.
Pregnant? A baby? I can’t imagine it.
From the looks of things, Harlow doesn’t have the luxury of saying she can’t imagine it, since she is the one leaning against the sink after rinsing her mouth and washing her face. Now that she’s flipped on the lights, I wonder how I missed her pale complexion – or that could be the nausea making her look that way now. It’s not like I didn’t already pick up on cues that there was something different about her. I had no way of guessing how different she was.
“Sorry.” Soren tries to laugh, but it comes out, sounding, choked and unsteady. “I’m thinking I might have blanked out for a second there… Unless you really just said… what I think you said.”
“It’s not a dirty word,” she points out. “Pregnant. I’m pregnant. And I feel sick, and I’m exhausted.”
This, I can do something about. This, I can help with. “Here, let’s sit you down.” I go to her and reach out, placing her hand on her hip, and the other one on her shoulder before turning her in place. “Do you think maybe you’ll get sick again?”
Over my shoulder, I ask Ryder, “Do you have a trashcan or a bucket or something?”
“I don’t think I’ll need it,” she murmurs, but I’m not convinced. I saw how suddenly it overtook her. One second, she seemed fine, and the next she was running around with her hand over her mouth and hurling her guts up.
“Do you have, like, crackers or ginger ale?” Soren follows us, standing next to Ryder’s bed while I pull back the blankets so Harlow can lie down.
“I don’t think I need all that.” She’s gentle and sweet, smiling up at me when she sits down. “But thank you. Sorry if I grossed you guys out. Or, you know… freaked you out.”
Ryder blurts out a laugh from the doorway. “Freaked me out? What gave you that idea?”
“At least we know it’s not cancer or anything like that,” Soren points out.
“But it’s still a foreign invader in my body.” She rests a hand over her flat stomach and a cold chill runs through me. It’s not disgust or anger or anything like that. There’s no distaste.
I just can’t get used to the idea, is all. I mean, I’ve only known about it for less than five minutes, so I guess nobody could blame me for feeling shaken up and unsure of just about everything.
“How long have you known?” Soren folds his arms, looking stern. I hope I can catch his eye, since somebody needs to tell him to loosen up. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was pissed off. Body language goes a long way, and she doesn’t need to be upset. Not in her condition. Damn, I can’t believe I just thought that.
“Not long. Only a few days, and I’m not very far along.” She looks around helplessly, like she’s afraid we won’t believe her. “I haven’t been trying to keep it a secret. I just haven’t known how to bring it up. Especially when Ryder told me he’s getting traded, and…”
“And now you’re pregnant.” Ryder leans against the door frame like he’s propping it up — or it’s keeping him upright, either way… “No wonder you were upset. Is that why you got sick?”
“Honestly, I thought you’d figure it out right away.”
“Yeah, maybe I would have if I thought it was possible.”
“I swear.” If she folded her hands and held them out like she was praying, she couldn’t look more desperate. “I didn’t do this on purpose. I was taking the pill religiously. I’m just as surprised as anybody.”
I can’t believe she would even think any of us would jump to that conclusion. “I would never accuse you of that.”
“Neither would I,” Soren quickly agrees. He finally loosens up a little, too, unfolding his arms and jamming his hand into his pockets. “We know you better.”
“You don’t have to worry about me ever thinking that about you.” Ryder is the quietest for once. He’s usually the one whose voice fills the room, but now it’s barely a whisper. I don’t think it has anything to do with lack of trust, or not believing her. He feels guiltier than ever. That’s how I would feel. I’d be worried sick about stressing her out, hurting the baby somehow. Hurting her. And the idea of having so many miles between us… I don’t think I could handle it. I’m sure all of that and more is going through his head.
Soren sits next to her and drapes an arm around her shoulders. She leans against him with a soft sigh that tells me how grateful she is. “Listen. No matter what happens, no matter what you decide to do, you have my full support.”
Right. I didn’t think of that, either. She hasn’t even said whether she wants to keep the baby or not, and I’m sure there’s no way of knowing which of us is the father. Not yet. Not this early on.
I want to support her, too. I’m behind her all the way. I meant it when I said I love her. She means the world to me.
But a baby? How the hell am I supposed to be a father? How are any of us? What would that look like? Things are complicated enough without adding a baby to the mix. I mean, we’re not allowed to be in an open, public relationship during the season. What, are we supposed to do, pretend we don’t know she’s pregnant and one of us had something to do with it?
Ryder finally steps into the room and sits on the corner of the bed. “Have you thought about it at all? What to do next?”
