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“Oh, is that how it works? Thanks, I had no idea.” Ryder and Soren exchange looks behind Harlow’s back.
Harlow only stares at me. “Yes, I know. Only one of you is the father.”
“Well? Doesn’t that matter?”
I have faced guys much bigger than me all my life. Stronger, faster. It doesn’t matter how good you get. There’s always going to be somebody better than you, somebody bigger and more skilled and intimidating.
But there is nothing in this world as intimidating as a woman when she goes completely still and deathly silent. The way she is now. Only the gentle rise and fall of her shoulders tells me she’s still breathing. Otherwise, she could be a mannequin sitting on Ryder’s bed.
Something tells me I said the wrong thing.
“Why don’t you say what you’re really wondering, Ash? You’ve danced around the subject enough. Come out and say it. You want to know which one of you is the father. The biological father,” she adds, emphasizing the word.
“Is that such a crime? Should I be hanged for wanting to know whether or not the kid you’re carrying is my biological child?” I have to throw my hands into the air as I bark out a disbelieving laugh. “You can’t tell me I’m the only one thinking about this.”
She stands slowly, never breaking eye contact. “You think that wasn’t one of the first things that came to my head? There won’t be any way of knowing which of you is the father unless we run a DNA test. I googled it, in case you were wondering. And it is possible after the eighth week, from what I understand.”
She narrows her eyes and tips her head to the side and I feel roughly six inches tall. “I was hoping that wouldn’t be one of the first things you’ve asked about, is all.”
“I’m not saying I would walk away if the baby isn’t mine, Harlow.”
“Then what are you saying, Ash?”
“Maybe there shouldn’t be any fighting about this,” Ryder murmurs.
We both ignore him. “Are you telling me you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with the baby? I get it if that’s how you feel. I just wish you would say it out loud and get it over with.”
Is that what I’m saying? “You’re jumping too far into the future.”
“You’re the one saying we’re not acting like we’re living in reality,” Soren points out as if I’d asked for his opinion.
“I just don’t understand how you expect me to act like I had any part in this if I didn’t have any part in this.”
“I thought we were all in this together. This relationship. Obviously, this sort of thing can happen. You had to know there was at least a slim chance of this happening at some point.”
“It doesn’t matter what I knew was possible. There was a whole other ninety-nine percent chance it wasn’t ever going to happen. And maybe, just maybe, at some point down the line, we woulddiscuss how to handle something like this. If you wanted a baby, if one of us wanted to be a father. A biological father,” I add just in case there’s any confusion.
“You know what?” With her hands on her hips, she throws her head back and gives me a look that is equal parts infuriating and mind-blowingly sexy. She’s regal, like a duchess or a queen. And she’s staring at one of her subjects like I’m the most useless thing ever born. “You’re going to have to decide for yourself if you are okay with the baby not being yours. That is your issue to work out in your own time, however it feels best for you. But no matter what, I am not letting your opinion influence my decision. If you decide you don’t want to have anything to do with the baby or with me, that’s up to you. But I am the one who’s going to go through this pregnancy. I’m the one whose body and life and career will bear most of the brunt. That’s just how it is. I don’t make the rules – unfortunately. You’ll still be able to play hockey. You’ll get to live your dreams while I’m the one who’s accused of either neglecting my career or my child, no matter what I try to do.”
Soren puffs out his cheeks as he blows out a deep sigh. Ryder squeezes his eyes shut, rubbing his temples.
And what do I do? The only thing I can do when I miss her so much. When it’s been so long since I held her, touched her, kissed her.
She goes stiff in surprise when I take her face in my hands and press my lips to hers — hard, fierce. I use my kiss to say all the things I can’t find it in me to say. How much I don’t want to screw this up. How it scares the shit out of me to think about a future that includes not only all of us, but a baby. How I can’t imagine living in a world where three guys raising a baby as theirs wouldn’t raise eyebrows — at the least. At the very least.
How I want to be with her no matter what.
Once the first second of surprise passes, my heart threatens to explode when she kisses me back. Her tongue slides against mine before she melts into me, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me down to kiss me harder, to rake her fingers through my hair and press her body to mine.
The bed springs creak and I break the kiss in a hurry. Maybe that wasn’t the right thing to do, since we aren’t supposed to be involved like this right now. I’m not trying to start a fight. “Shit, I’m?—”
My apology goes silent when Soren grips Harlow’s jaw in his hand and replaces my lips with his. His kiss is slower, sensual, and pretty soon they’re both sighing and holding each other close. I might not be part of it, but I feel the intensity. I feel how much he wants her to know she’s safe and loved. I know it because I feel the same way. Like nothing matters more than showing her how protected and wanted she is. We are together. That hasn’t changed. She’s not going to go through this alone.
They’re both breathing hard when they come up for air, and I’m not surprised when she turns toward Ryder next. He hasn’t moved, sitting on the bed with the oddest look of confusion on his face. Like he’s wondering if there’s a joke nobody let him in on, that sort of thing.
She sits down, then touches a hand to his cheek to turn his face toward hers. He doesn’t make it easy, grunting and frowning. “We’re not supposed to be doing this.” I hear the way he’s struggling. Speaking through gritted teeth. Going against his natural impulse because he wants to do the right thing. I respect him for that.
I also think he’s a complete idiot. Sometimes, there’re more important things than following the rules. Of all people, I would think he knows that.
